Since I Was Sixteen
by HappyOlitzing
Summary: The story of two love struck teenagers, Jax and Tara, each battling their own demons, fighting against their destiny, for what they believe in: that their love for each other will conquer all that triumphs them.
1. Chapter 1

_**Author's Note **_

**_I am beyond obsessed with Sons of Anarchy, it's getting to be bad. I just pulled an all nighter to read SOA fanfiction. I started watching over the summer, and got instantly hooked. Like 3 seasons in two days, hooked. To calm my nerves about Jax &amp; Tara and all the bullshit they went through I came up with this.._**

**_I'm starting when the couple met in high school and then in their adult lives._**

**_I am in the middle of a Scandal fanfiction, "Something Special" but I needed something else to occupy my time with.._**

**_Jax &amp; Tara are huge relationship goals. He cheated on her, they lie, they scheme against one another, and all that bullshit was supposed to tear them apart, but sometimes… when you find the one who makes you feel alive and happy, you never give that up. Unfortunately, Jax &amp; Tara learned that the hard way.._**

* * *

'_Oh, God' _she thought, if I'm late to school my dad is going to kill me. Literally. He has this vision of a perfect daughter, and being a perfect student goes right along with it. Of all days, on my biggest test day of the year, my alarm batteries decide to run out, which causes me to wake up late. I still have to shower, get dressed, pack my backpack, grab something for breakfast, and pack something for lunch, brush my teeth, all under fifteen minutes. Since my father was always too hung over to drive me to school, I had to resort to taking the bus, as a junior in high school.

Some underclassmen I know have their own cars- and licenses! My dad wouldn't even let me go to the DMV to get mine. Luckily, Charming is a small town, and the most it takes to get anywhere around here, is less than thirty minutes if you're walking.

All of my shirts in my normal routine were dirty, of course the laundry wasn't done! _Ugh! _Which means I have to drag some hand-me-down out of the back of closet. Finding an acceptable shirt took seven minutes, which means I only had eight minutes to be ready for the bus.

Instead of brushing my teeth, I used mouthwash and some old gum I found. _That saved me two minutes. _

I found an apple in the fridge, that would have to suffice for breakfast.

I grabbed crackers and a bottle of water for lunch. Just another_ fabulous _perk of your dad being an alcoholic who refuses to send me to school with lunch money.

I slip on my old ballet flats and make it to the bus stop and with two minutes to spare. I had to sit down and catch my breath I was running so fast.

_It's only Monday, fuck I hate this! _

Luckily there were only seven weeks left of junior year. Each week she was closer to summer.

The bus ride was short, but long enough for her to get lost in Pride &amp; Prejudice, her favorite book. She had read it roughly fifteen times before, but she loved Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth's storyline. Getting lost in early 19th century English romance was her only escape from her harsh reality.

She made it to her locker with a few minutes to spare before homeroom started. She needed those minutes of homeroom to study for important Biology test. Anything less than a ninety-three was unacceptable to her father, disappointing him was at the top of her NO list.

She fumbled with locker, concentrating hard on remembering the combination. _Why didn't I write the god damned combination down! Fuck! _

The first bell rang, meaning that it was time for students to report to their homeroom. And her locker still wouldn't open it.

"Need some help?" Someone asked.

"Yes, please. I really can't be late today, and I can't remember my combination."

"They go in order, I'm two lockers down from you and mine is 36-8-16, so yours would be 38-10-18. Let me try and open it."

And like magic it worked, "Thank you so much David! Seriously, I owe you! See ya in Biology!" Tara yelled at she sped-walk her way to Mr. Swanson's homeroom class.

Homeroom was a time for students to finish homework, read, relax. Anything but sleeping, they were surprisingly strict on that. I guess the principal felt that if you're going to sleep through homeroom aka study hall, you might as well just skip it. Sleeping meant getting detention. Another thing on Tara's NO list.

Her Biology test was in thirty minutes, and she desperately needed to remember the vocab words Mrs. Hanson handed out to them. The vocab section of the test was fifteen percent of the test. Instead of studying, all Tara could focus on was the ruckus coming from the back of the room.

Paper balls were being through, students sitting on desks, girls gossiping, boys flirting. Including Tara, there were only three people in the room actually trying to study.

"Hey you, Ken Doll! Do you think you could shut up for fifteen minutes? I know you don't care about your grade of the Biology test we have next period, but I do and I can't study with all the yapping you're doing back there. So pipe down. And ladies, get some standards. Failing out of high school shouldn't be in your Turn on list." And with that, Tara turned around and went back to reading.

The whole room fell silent, even the teacher was stunned. He had never seen anyone talk to bad-boy Jax Teller like that. Teachers didn't even speak to him like that.

"And who do you think you are speaking to me like that?" He yelled back.

"Someone who actually plans on graduating. If you're going to continue to mess with my studying just skip this class from now on." Tara yelled back.

Jax was stunned, no one talks to him that way. Especially girls. He had a reputation of being hot-headed and not being afraid to use his fists. Girls usually lusted after him, to see one not follow him around, it dumbfounded Jax.

Not to sound arrogant, but every girl in the school was wishing Jax would ask them on a date. What made this girl so special that she thought she was better than all the rest?

He let the bookworm's comments slide, but tomorrow she would pay.

* * *

Luckily, Tuesday morning was better than Monday's. She forced her dad to buy her new batteries for her alarm clock. Tara was awake on time and actually ready for the school bus today.

Thanks to David's help, she could actually open her locker this morning. Something that rarely ever happened.

Tara sighed on her way to homeroom, she knew standing up to the bad-boy Ken doll would mean consequences. But honestly, she could care less. The Biology test grades were posted this morning, and Tara scored a perfect score. She received a 100 on the test, and that now meant her grade in the class was a 98. Her dad would be proud, which meant hopefully no drunken arguments for a few days, until she messed up again.

She was appalled to find Ken doll sitting in her assigned seat.

"You're in my seat Barbie." She said, annoyed at his games.

"Oh, I'm sorry. My friends were so loud that I couldn't concentrate so I decided to come up and sit in the quiet section. Is that alright with you?"

"Why the hell would I care? Just get your ass out of my seat." Tara responded, growing more annoyed with the kid.

The Barbie-look alike moved one seat over, to the vacant desk. He used every annoying habit he could think of, snapping his gum, tapping his pencil, singing songs, clicking his pen, flipping the pages of a textbook. He was trying literally anything to get her attention. He was intrigued by the girl who didn't lust after him.

But, she could play this game better than anyone. Even though she lived here most of her life, for the most part Tara remained invisible. She was quiet and shy, and mainly studied her way through school. Tuning out the world around her was something she excelled at. Not looking up at her textbook all of homeroom, it was if the Ken doll had become invisible.

When the bell rang to dismiss kids to their next class, she couldn't be more relieved. She tuned out the kid pretty well, but desperately needed to get away. He annoyed her so much she wanted to punch him in the face.

Tara packed her bag and was the first one out of the room.

Instead of waiting for his friends, Jax was right behind her.

"So, my name isn't Ken doll. I'm Jax Teller."

"I know who you are. Charming is a small town, in case you haven't noticed."

"So you're not going to tell me yours."

"Like I said, it's a small town. I'm sure you'll figure it out."

And just like that, Jax was even more intrigued.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Wednesday morning **_

"Tara Knowles." He approached her from behind.

"Excuse me?" She instantly knew who it was.

"Your name, it's Tara Knowles. Daughter to Stephen and Anna Knowles, single child, fifteen almost sixteen."

"Congratulations, Barbie, you stalked me." She sarcastically replied.

"Look, I know I'm an asshole but I need to pass Biology." He confessed.

"So open a book."

"Don't you think I've tried that? I don't understand this stuff. I need your help."

"You need all kinds of help, Barbie."

"My name is Jax, and I guessed I deserved that."

Instead of answering, she proceeded to walk towards her locker.

"So can you help me?" He pleaded with her.

"What's in it for me? I'm already passing Biology."

"You get to spend time with Jax Teller." He smiled that boyishly handsome smile she couldn't help but love.

"Yeah, as amusing as that sounds, I think I'll pass." Tara said, walking away.

"Why do you hate me so much?"

"I don't hate you. I just think you're arrogant and self-centered. We've been classmates since first grade, and you just now learned my name. You're conceited, ignorant, and rude. Should I continue?"

"No, you've hurt my ego enough for one day. I'm not stupid, I can take a hint."

Jax Teller finally walked away, leaving Tara alone. A part of her felt bad for the kid, failing out of Biology, and that probably wasn't the only one. It was clear he had no motivation to actually do well in school. It was pretty clear that Jax Teller wasn't going to be the student who goes to college. Everyone in town knew who he was and knew who he would become. Son of John Teller, the founder of the Sons of Anarchy Motorcycle Club. Myths and stories had been told about the MC since they were little. They were notorious for running guns and deeming whatever violence seemed necessary. They were outlaws, and Jax wasn't clearly wasn't trying to hide out. But why should she feel bad for him? It was his decision to skip school and not study for tests. Why should she help me? She had no moral obligation to help a delinquent study Biology.

She looked to the back of Mr. Swanson's room, Jax was sitting in the back corner staring blankly at a textbook. He looked up to see his friends throwing paper balls and talking about the party they were planning on attending this weekend. He wanted to care, Tara could tell, but lacked the drive to actually study.

Tara quickly turned back around before Jax would notice her staring at him. She quickly went back to reading her Government textbook.

The second period bell rang, and Tara darted out the room towards Mrs. Hanson's Biology room, hoping Jax wouldn't follow her today.

When he didn't follow her, she wasn't relieved. She was disappointed, he was an annoying fool but it was bickering with him. She refused to let him know that, and instead tried to focus on the Biology lesson.

Unfortunately with Charming being such a small town, the school didn't have enough room in it's budget to hire Honors/AP teachers. So all kids had one Biology teacher/level, one English teacher/level, etc. Which meant the dropouts shared with the same English class with the students with dreams to go to a major university.

Next class was Government, and Mr. Wallen was having them take a quiz today. Tara hated his pop quizzes, they had nothing to do with the material and were ridiculously hard. While reading the question, Tara could feel herself stressing out. The rest of class they did classwork out of the textbook and watched a video on the three branches of government. As the bell rang to switch classes, Mr. Wallen handed back the quiz grades.

_85, not bad, not amazing. But, not bad. _

Tara smiled at herself, knowing that her A average would hopefully survive another week.

"85, nice job Knowles. Look at you, all smart and shit."

"Oh, Teller, thanks."

"I got a 50, but I'm not one to brag."

"Teller, that's not something to brag about."

"Why do you think I'm over here talking to you, asking again if you would tutor me?"

"Why me? There are plenty of people in this school who would be grateful to tutor Jax Teller."

"But I need to learn this shit. And you're top dog, academically. You're obviously not into me, which means that I'll actually learn something from you. I need your help, Knowles. I can't flunk."

"You are driving me insane. You know I have seven classes to study for right?"

"You know that I'm failing five classes, right?"

She lightly pressed her head against her locker, out of frustration.

"Public library, after school, 3:30. Don't be later, Teller. Bring your books."

Tara walked away, knowing that she would have to be a miracle worker to get this biker to be passing five classes in less than seven weeks.

_Oh Lord, what did I get myself into? _

* * *

"Barbie doll, it's 3:50. You're late. I told you not to be late."

"Sorry, I was held up at the shop."

"As fascinating as that sounds, I don't have time to waste, sitting here waiting for you. I have my own grades to worry about. If you're not focused on this, I'm out."

"Okay, okay, I get it. Where do we start?"

The pair sat in the library until dark. The first subject they focused on was Biology, seeing how he got a forty percent on Mrs. Hanson's last test. They went over all the vocab words, going over them multiple times until he memorized at least of them and their definitions. Tara then went on to describe the food web, chain, resources, etc. Everything Jax would need to know fort the quiz next week.

"Look Jax, I have to go home. My dad is gonna kill me. Same time tomorrow?"

"Yeah that works for me."

The pair parted ways, being the last ones in the library. Once outside, Jax noticed he she was walking home. It was 8:30, there was no way he was letting her walk home by herself in the dark.

"Hey Knowles, do you need a lift?"

"No, I live close by. I'm good."

"Tara, let me give you a ride home. It's the least I can do."

"Really, I'm fine. I do this all the time."

"Tara, get on the bike."

Turned around, she was facing Jax, who was extending a helmet to her.

"Fine, but no wheelies or horse shit."

"Yes ma'am." Jax said chuckling at Tara's face as they made their way onto the main road in Charming.

* * *

"Why are you home so late? Where is my dinner Tara? You know I hate coming home from work to no dinner."

"Sorry dad, I was tutoring a friend. I was doing volunteer work dad. I'll make something for you now."

"I'm not hungry anymore, I don't want food now. I want food when I get home. Why can't you ever listen? How do I know you weren't out doing drugs and getting AIDS?" Her dad yelled.

By the looks of the counter, it was clear her dad was already eight beers, and he had no intention of stopping.

"Dad, I don't have AIDS. I don't do drugs. You know that! I told you, I was tutoring a friend. Why don't you trust me?" Tara pleaded with her dad.

"Because you're a teenager, and all teenagers do is lie and have sex! I'm not stupid Tara! Do you think I'm stupid?"

"No, you're not stupid! I would never call you stupid."

"I'M NOT STUPID TARA!" Her dad yelled, throwing a book at her face.

"I'M NOT STUPID!"

Tara fought back the tears, "Come you here you little bitch!"

He grabbed her wrists so tight, her hands turned purple from lack of blood flow. "Don't you ever call me stupid again, Tara. Go get the belt. You deserved to be hit."

She feared these nights most of all, when he was so drunk that it led to violence. She wanted to stop it, but how could she stop an 195 pound grown man, when she only weighed 115 pounds herself?

He threw her against the arm of the couch and told her to take off her shirt. She was thanking God that nothing sexual ever happened, it was just physical. Physical abuse she could take. Physical marks went away. They could be hidden.

"You were four hours late today, Tara. And you disobeyed me, and called me stupid. That adds up to ten whips. You were a bad girl and deserve to be punished."

She clenched a pillow between her teeth to stop herself from screaming out. The sound of belt whipping, hitting her skin; that was the sound that terrified her most.

"I can't hear you. Count, out loud."

"1!"

Whip. "2!"

Whip. "3!"

Whip. "4!"

Whip. "5!"

Whip. "6!"

Whip. "7!"

Whip. "8!"

Whip. "9!"

Whip. "10!"

"I hope you learned something tonight Tara. You should be ashamed of yourself. Put on your shirt and go get me another beer, brat." He demanded.

"Yes, sir."

She fell asleep on her stomach that night, the whipping marks to raw to apply pressure on. Most people probably wouldn't be able to fall asleep after a moment like that, but the few hours of sleep she got, that was her only real time of escape. Once that alarm clock sounded, the normal abusive day would begin. There was a reason why Tara had perfect attendance. Focusing on her studies was easier than ever now. Not focusing on her studies meant thinking about the awfulness of last night. Going to that dark place, was a place she avoided. That dark place, made her excel in school. It was her escape from reality, in reality.

Tara made sure to wear a shirt and a hoodie over it, so there was no chance of someone seeing the marks on her back. The days after the abuse, those were quietest days. No one could ever tell the difference, until now.

* * *

"Knowles, are we studying Biology again today?" Jax asked, once they reached the library.

"I don't care, they're your grades. You pick."

"Biology it is."

She gave him some reading assignments, that way she wouldn't have to talk.

"I don't understand anything in chapter nine, can you explain it?"

Tara took a deep breath and began to explain how abiotic and biotic factors affect food chains. She began to sweat in her hoodie, Tara didn't realize that the heat in the library went up, and removed her hoodie; making her scars visible.

For just a split second, Tara forget about her back, only focusing on the heat in the room.

"Okay, so we know that abiotic factors are…. What Jax?"

"Scars…"

"No, abiotic factors aren't scars. They're.."

"No, Tara your back. What the fuck happened to your back?"

Instead of wearing a normal shirt underneath the hoodie, Tara wore a modest tank top, that she hoped would cover the marks. Unfortunately, she was wrong.

"Oh, shit. They're nothing. Let's just go back to the lesson."

"Tara what happened to your back?"

"Jax, it's nothing. Seriously. I'm fine. It's nothing. Don't worry about it."

Using his strength, he forced her chair to turn around, so her back was now facing him. In a non-perverted way, he lifted up her shirt. He was horrified when he saw the scars on her back. That's when he realized what was going on.

"Tara what is going on?"

"It's nothing, I already told you. Stop, just stop!" She yelled, causing looks from the few other people that were in the library.

"No, Tara, I'm not going to stop! You don't know me very well yet, but whoever is doing this to you going to pay. Who is doing this to you, Tara?"

That was when she broke down and started crying. Jax could tell no studying was going to get done today. Screw his grade, this was more important.

"Its just been happening since my mom died….. He doesn't stop drinking.. I don't know what to do…. I'm so scared… It hurts… I can take it… Not so bad… He doesn't mean it….. I'm okay… They'll go away… I'm fine." She could barely make out any words between her tears.

Jax took her hands, and that was when he saw the marks on her wrists.

"Tara, this isn't okay. You may think that, but it's not. This is wrong."

She took a deep breath and wiped away the tears.

"I was late yesterday, it was my fault. I know better than to be out past my curfew, and I didn't have dinner waiting for him. It was my fault. I'm fine, don't worry about me."

"Tara—"

"Jax, I have to go or else I'll be late. Don't worry about me, I'm fine. Please don't say anything. Please." Tears were forming in her eyes as she begged him to keep her secret.

He nodded in agreeance, "At least let me walk you home. It was my fault you were late yesterday."

She knew she would get in trouble if her dad saw with a boy, but she didn't want to be alone anymore. "Just to the corner, okay?" He nodded, understanding the situation.

He carried her books and she wrapped her arms around herself. No one ever knew her secret, and now bad-boy Jax Teller accidentally discovered it. Her secret was no longer a secret. Their 'friendship' if that's even what it was, would no longer be a on-the-surface, tutoring friendship. Tara tried to control the tears on the walk home, embarrassed by showing so many emotions to a guy.

Jax wasn't like that, he didn't care if girls cried in front of them. He was raised to be a tough guy by his dad, and a sensitive man by his mother. His mother always told him it was okay for men to cry, "Real men, strong men, aren't afraid to show their emotions, Jax. Even at their lowest point, don't hide it." He remembered those words now as this girl he barely knew, cried all they on their walk home. He felt sad, almost as if he wished he never saw the marks on her backs. He could tell she didn't want anyone to know about them. He had never been in this situation before, he had no idea what to do or how to console her.

They walked in silence on the way to her street. He had no idea what to say and Tara didn't want him to say anything. Instead of it being awkward and uncomfortable, it was emotional and deep. Jax was surprised at how vulnerable Tara was being around him. He could never be this vulnerable and open around someone he barely knew. He admired her for that, Jax knew it takes serious strength and guts to be able to bare dirty laundry like that.

He remembered her house, from giving her a ride home last night. Jax respected her rules and stopped walking at the corner of her street, and returned her books.

"Tara, I'm sorry. I promise, I won't tell anyone. No one. You have to promise me something, too."

She picked her up, so she was no longer staring at the pavement and was now staring into his ocean blue eyes.

"If this happens again, call me Tara. I'm serious. Call me, and I'll pick you up. You deserve better than this. Will you promise me that, Tara? To call me?"

Unable to speak English words, she nodded her head. He wiped away her tears, and then wrote down his home phone number and his page number on a blank page in her notebook.

"I'm so sorry Tara. I'm so sorry. Call me." He whispered into her ear, and then kissed her forehead. Then, he started to walk back toward the library, where he left his textbooks and his bike.

He hated leaving her alone after discovering something like that. But he had to respect her boundaries, right? He knew from experience, being around the guys in the club, that pressuring them to talk about something they don't want to talk about, only makes it worse. He wasn't stupid, he could put two and two together, he understood. Jax knew, that whenever Tara was ready to talk about the abuse, if she was ever ready, that he would listen. There wasn't much he could do, it was her own parent who was hurting her. He had no real proof, and he now knew that he was the only family that Tara had. Turning him in, would leave Tara an orphan and even more emotionally unstable. Jax wanted to punch someone he was so angry. He had no options, only to keep her secret. The only way he knew how to help her, was to be her friend.

If that was what she needed, that is what exactly what Jax would do.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Thursday morning **_

Her mother died when she nine. That sucked.

Her dad became abusive and an alcoholic. That sucks.

They were now dirt poor because her father barely worked. That sucked.

All of these add up to one of the lowest points in her life. All of those things made her dream of they day she could ride off into the sunset, and never look at the _Welcome to Charming _sign again. Tara dreamed of the day she finally left Charming for good.

She never realized how emotionally unstable she was about the abuse, until someone found out about her secret. For the most part, she took it like a champ The abuse made her focus more on her studies and more on getting out on the shit-show of Charming, California. She knew it was wrong, she knew she needed help, she knew it needed to end. But was what she supposed to do? Call CPS and leave her an orphan? She had no family; calling CPS would be an end result of Tara in a foster home. She couldn't rebel and run away, she had no money, no job, no car. She had nothing but the few shirts in her drawers. She was leaving right after graduation and no one could stop her.

The thought of leaving, leaving this life behind, the thought of starting over, it was what got her through the pain. Through all the beatings, the insults, the arguments, the dream of finally leaving Charming, it got her through the bullshit of her life. She was so close, all Tara had to do was hold on for another year, and she'd be free.

Last night, was the lowest point of her life. Up until that day, the day of her mother's death held the trophy for worst day ever. But letting a stranger see her darkest secret, letting him see the ugly truth of her home life, seeing her cry tears of utter sadness, letting him see her at her lowest point; that was her lowest point. She tried so hard to hold everything together, she needed to. Not once since the abuse started had she broken down like that. It made her scared.

She was dreading seeing Jax in school. She knew he try and talk to her, sooth her, reassure her of the promises they both made. She appreciated the kindness, but she wasn't a rookie on this. She knew how to handle herself. She knew ways to avoid the abuse like never being out past curfew, always having dinner on the table for dad, getting straight A's in all of her classes. As long as she portrayed the perfect daughter, the belt stayed in the closet.

She was afraid, of letting someone see her most vulnerable self. Of letting some see all the ugly.

The first period bell rang, and she pretended that nothing had happened the day before.

She sat in her normal seat. Kept her head down as usual. And said nothing to Jax.

He walked in with his swagger walk, and walked right on past her.

For the most part she was grateful, grateful that he didn't treat her any differently. That was the last thing she wanted, special treatment because her daddy beat her.

He hung out with his boys, and she kept her head in a book.

They kept up the status quo, and Tara couldn't have been more soothed at the way he handed it all.

She could tell last night that he was freaked out. She knew there was violence in his family, with the MC club, but she could tell that Jax had no idea what to do. When she looked him in the eyes while making him the promise, she could tell he was just as scared as she was. But most of all, she saw the pity in his eyes. That look of guilt and sadness, that was one she tried to avoid all her life.

She saw it from everyone when her mom died, when her dad became an alcoholic, when they her in the same clothes. She saw it, she recognized it, and she learned to see past it. She hated that look. She didn't want people to pity her, she wanted them to treat her as if she was just another girl.

* * *

"Look about last night, Tara—" Jax said, trying to soothe her once they made it to the library.

"Don't worry about it, I'm fine. Really. Thank you for walking me home. I appreciated it."

"It's the least I can do, I'll keep doing it, if that's what you want."

"Thank you, Jax."

"Remember what I said, Tara." Jax said, looking intensly into her eyes.

"Yes, Jax, I promise. I promise." She forced herself to look away, so he wouldn't see the tears forming in her eyes.

She took a moment to collect her thoughts, and then went on as if nothing had happened. "We have our Biology quiz next week, tell me the vocab words and the definitions."

She listened closely as the Prince of Charming recited from memory the chapter nine vocab words. He was trying, he was trying to pass, and she was thrilled when he got them all correct.

"I spoke to Mrs. Hanson about what we were doing and made a sample test for you. It's similar to the one were taking next week. I want you to take it, and then I'll grade it." She watched as Jax nodded in agreeance.

Tara opened her government textbook, to review the chapter, while Jax took his practice test. It was nice, she thought, the two of them, polar opposites of the school food web, sitting together studying. _It was nice. _

When he was finally done with the quiz, thirty minutes later, Tara grabbed her sharpie and began to look over the sample quiz. He was nervous. She already thought he was stupid, failing a sample quiz would definitely reassure the assumptions she already had of him. He was smart, just not book smart. He was street smart. He already knew that he had a seat at the table in the MC, the older guys all loved his sharpness and his ability to read situations. He just had to show Tara that he wasn't as stupid as she thought.

"Jax, I know what you're thinking. You're not stupid. I never thought you were. I just thought you were smart, you just didn't try. Here's your quiz. I have to go, or else I'll be past my curfew. You did well, a 75 isn't bad Jax. I wrote notes and study tips on the back, look them over and I'll have you do another one tomorrow."

"Thanks, Tara."

She nodded, accepting his gratitude. They both stood up and began to walk out of the library.

They started to walk towards her house in silence.

Right before they reached the corner that ended her walk, she turned to him.

"Thank you, Jax." She offered him a slight smile.

"I've got your back Knowles, I mean it. I meant what I said yesterday."

"I promise." Tara nodded, remembering back to yesterday's events.

She stood on her tippy-toes and kissed him on the cheek.

"I've got your back too, Teller." She turned around and starting walking towards her house.

He had never been kissed on the cheek before. No, he wasn't a virgin, but no girl just kissed him on the cheek. That wasn't even first base. Tara surprised him today. He smiled as she walked away, he was getting past her tough exterior. And little did he know, she was getting past his.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Friday morning **_

Her day went on as normal, she quickly fell into her normal morning routine.

She was looking forward to today, she had no quizzes or tests today, and she was one day closer to the weekend.

She was completely awe struck when she saw the surprise waiting for her as she stepped outside.

"Jax."

"I just wanted to give you a ride to school. That's cool, right?"

"Yeah, that's cool. You're not gonna kill me, right?"

"I need to pass five classes Knowles, you're not dying on my watch." She chucked at her laugh, _God, I love that laugh _he thought.

When they stopped a red light, Tara finally said something, "You know school was two miles back that way, right?"

"We're not going to school today"

The light turned green, and Jax sped the motorcycle forward, leaving Tara no chance to argue.

They rode for another twenty minutes, before Jax pulled over onto a dirt road.

"Sorry about kidnapping you, I just couldn't sit another day in a classroom."

"I guess I won't call the cops on you." Tara said, punching him in the arm.

"You know how long it's been since I went to school for a full week. That all you, Knowles."

"I appreciate it, but you didn't go to school a full week. You kidnapped me and now we're out in the middle of nowhere, remember?"

They were on dirt road, somewhere Tara had never been. Jax could tell she never left her neighborhood.

"Just down there," He pointed to his right, "is this really beautiful river. Whenever my mom is stressin' me or I'm pissed off, I just ride down here to the river. It's my spot, so don't go saying anything Knowles."

"I like that you have a spot. You have a thinking space, you have an escape. Who know the Prince of Charming needed an escape."

"Being the Prince of Charming is no fairytale babe."

They walked over to the river and sat in the grass. They started off by skipping rocks, talking about everything and nothing at the same time. He tried to avoid the deep, sensitive subjects but it was nice having someone to talk to that wouldn't ridicule him. It was nice being able to share with someone. She didn't make him feel stupid or just a biker thug, she made him feel like a normal person with feelings and opinions, and that, that put her above everyone else.

"So, Knowles, where do you see yourself after graduation?"

"I'm getting the hell out of here the minute I toss my cap into the air."

"That eager, huh?" Jax said as he skipped a stone across the slow moving river.

"Not too many good memories in good ol' Charming." Tara admitted, fidgeting with her hands.

"I'm going to become a doctor, to help people. I'm going to leave this shithole town and become something of myself. And once I leave, I'm free."

"Doctor Knowles, I like it." Jax smiled.

"What about you Barbie, what are you doing after graduation?"

"Once I'm 18, I'm going to become a prospect in the MC club. My life has been decided for me since I was born. I'll take the throne one day. It's all I've ever wanted, to be in the club."

"Is that really all you've ever wanted?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" He said, thinking she was looking down on him.

"It doesn't mean anything. I'm just wondering if there was anything else you wanted to do or see. There is so much more outside of Charming, Jax."

"Sure, it would be cool to travel, maybe take my bike through every state. But, this has always been my life. I grew up with the club, my dad founded the club, my mom was the queen-bee. It's all I know, every since I could talk, all I could talk about was the club. It's who I am."

"Tell me Jax, what do you find so fascinating about the club?"

He took a moment, to give her the perfect answer, to give her the real answer.

"There may be a lot of perks with it, but it's the brotherhood, the family. No matter what shit you go through, you have these people that will help you no matter what. When my brother died, we lost a lot of money on medical bills and the club held a fundraiser for Thomas. My dad went to jail for a while, and there were club guys at my house everyday, making sure my mom and brother were taken care of. No matter what happens, these guys have your back. Whether it's because someone hurt your family or you're tight on cash, doesn't matter what it is, you have their back. I don't know of any real families that are that loyal. There's this unexplainable bond between us, that even the law can't break. We're family."

"And here I thought you were going to say the alcohol." Tara said, trying to make a joke.

"Oh that's just an added bonus, babe"

Oh how her heart swooned when he called her babe.

"So, are you okay, with everything?" Jax asked, trying not to pry in her business.

"Yeah, I'm used to it. I was just so shocked someone finally knew. I got used to it a while ago. I've kept that secret for such a long time, I didn't know if I was relieved or sad someone finally knew. It was a lot all at once." Tara confessed.

"Is your back okay?"

"A cold shower and Vaseline helped, I just can't lay on my back for a few more days. I'm a big girl Jax, I can take care of myself."

"I know, I just hate seeing you like this."

"Like what?"

"Broken."

"I'm not broken, I'm just damaged goods. Not broken, not yet."

"You're not damaged goods, Tara. You're the opposite of damaged goods."

She looked at him puzzled, confused as to where he was taking this.

"You agreed to tutor a kid who was flunking five classes, when you know that he probably doesn't care at all whether he graduates or not. He showed up late the first day, and you still tutored him. You got on the back of his motorcycle, you trusted me, Tara. You believed in me, no one has done that. If anyone is damaged good here Tara, it's me."

"Jax—"

"I'm almost failing five classes, I smoke, I skip class at least once a week, I'm on my way to being in a motorcycle club, I'm not going to college, I drink, I hook up with girls, I have one dead parent and one dead brother, I have anger issues that I don't know how to handle, I'm violent, I'm the damaged goods Tara."

"That's just your exterior. The second day I knew you, you made me promise you that I would call you if I was scared. You wiped tears off my face, you kissed my forehead. You may have anger issues and other shit going on, but you're not damaged goods, you're just a teenager. There's nothing wrong with you."

He leaned over and brushed a piece of her hair behind her ear. Cupping her cheeks, he brought his lips to hers. Then kiss was sweet, what started off as innocent and pure quickly turned to passionate and intense. His tongue swirled against hers, a feeling she had never experienced before.

"You're beautiful, Tara." Jax said, wrapping his arms around her, pulling her close. They sat together, watching the slow moving river, her head resting against his chest.

He liked her, he knew that. She was different, she didn't see him as this biker thug who may or may not drop out. She him as this guy who cared for others, who was sensitive and sincere. Already, she saw through his tough guy act. He tried so hard to be the tough guy he portrayed, but around her all he wanted to do was hold her and make her laugh. He wanted to make her feel safe, he never wanted to see her cry again. He wanted her.

_Shit,_ he thought, _this is going to hurt like hell. _

She had no idea what was going on between them, and she knew it probably wasn't going to end well. But if something feels so right, how can it be wrong?

She loved spending time with him, just being around him, she felt more comfortable, more at ease with herself. She would always have issues with her family, but having this strong and confident man wrap his arms around her, even if it was just for a few minutes, she felt content, that nothing about her past could hurt her. She wasn't in love with him yet, hell they'd only just met a few days ago, but she knew that she never wanted that feeling of content to go away.

"You hungry?" Jax asked, running his fingers over her knuckles.

"Starving." Tara confessed.

He stood up first, then took her hand to help her off the ground.

"C'mon," He said, "I know the perfect place."

And with that, she was again on the back of his motorcycle, putting all of her trust in a boy. Cautious Tara was way gone.

Jax pulled into one of his favorite restaurants, the best burger place in town.

"This is the only place that can beat Gemma's cooking."

"And Gemma is…?" Tara asked, confused as ever.

"Oh, my mom." Jax shrugged.

"And you call her by her first name, because?"

"Up until my dad died I called her mom, but afterwards something changed. I became the man of the house, especially when Thomas got sick. Calling her mom just seemed awkward. I've been calling her Gemma ever since."

"Are you two close, you and Gemma?"

"I'm the only thing she has left, and she's the only thing I have left. Yeah, we're close."

"That's good. It's attractive to see a man respect his mom, it's rare."

"Babe, we may belong to an outlaw MC but were good guys. You ever heard Real Good Man by Tim McGraw? That song was written about us." Jax said, as he slurped his Pepsi.

She had to admit, she was intrigued. More than intrigued, actually.

Here was this guy, who could easily intimidate and violently hurt someone on command, who knew how to use a gun and throw the perfect punch, yet here was telling me how close he and his mom were. How rare is that? Most guys she knew barely spoke to their mother, not wanting to be embarrassed in front of their friends. But, Jax, he was different. He wasn't afraid to tell anyone how important his mom was to him. When everyone else you love is taken from you, you don't turn your back on the ones you have left. Unfortunately, both Jax and Tara learned that the hard way.

They were sitting in a booth, once again talking about everything and anything, exchanging jokes, when Jax's phone went off. She couldn't read what it said, but by the look on Jax's face, Tara knew it was serious.

"I'll be right back" He said, before running outside to take a phone call.

Too nervous to eat, she swirled her straw that was in her drink around, trying to kill time and avoid the bad thoughts that were looming in her mind. He returned, what felt like ages later.

"Babe, I'm so sorry but we have to go." He explained, throwing money on the table.

"Jax, tell me what's going on."

"I can't tell you much, but a rival MC is out to get payback on some of our guys. All of SAMCRO is on lockdown, just to be safe. We have to go, Tara. It's code, we don't have a choice." Jax explained, taking her hand while running to his motorcycle, parked outside.

She had no idea what to think, just over an hour ago they were sitting by the river kissing, and now she was going on him on the lockdown. _What the hell is happening? _she thought. She wanted to run, to go home and lock herself in her room. But, she trusted him; she trusted him completely.

He pulled in to their clubhouse/garage, and she was more nervous than ever. She had no idea what to expect; she tightened her grip around Jax.

He parked his motorcycle in the long line of other, he got off first to help her with her helmet.

"Tara, I need you to listen to me. I don't know what this is yet, but I feel better when you're around me. Rival MC's should have no reason to target you, but I need to know that you're safe. This is the safest place you can be." He paused, got down on his knees, so they were on eye level, and then cupped her face, "You're safe here. Okay, Tara? I know you're not used to this lifestyle, but I need you to keep trusting me. Do you think you can do that, trust me?"

They were inches apart from one another, "I already trust you, Jax." And then she grabbed his long shaggy blonde hair, and pulled him into a short, yet passionate kiss.

He took her hand as he guided her into the SAMCRO clubhouse.

"Gemma, this is Tara. Tara, this is my mom, Gemma."

"You hungry sweetheart? Help yourself, okay. We got everything you need here."

"Look babe, I'm not officially in the club yet, but they want all hands on deck to be prepared so, my best friend's girl is going to hang with you, okay? I know you're scared, and I know it looks bad that I'm leaving you, but I don't have a choice. You gotta trust me still, Tara." Tara nodded, agreeing.

Still holding her hand, he led her to the back of the room to where Donna was sitting.

"Donna, this is Tara. This is Donna, my best friend's girl. I have to go with guys, Donna, can you look after Tara for me?"

"Sure thing, Jax."

"Remember what I said, you're safe here. I gotta go." He kissed her on her forehead, and then proceeded into the sealed room.

"Tara was it? I'm Donna, haven't I seen you around school before? Aren't you that really smart chick that told Jax off in homeroom the other day? That was the funniest shit I've ever seen. He talked about it all day, no person has ever talked to him like that. He likes that about you, that you speak your mind." Donna said, concentrating on her food.

"He talks about me?" Tara asked, more interested than ever before.

"Oh yeah, all the time. I know you two just met, but he talks about you all the time. All the girls here know of him and his family, and will do anything just to be around him. You stood up to him, you spoke your mind, you're not just some slut trying to get in his pants. He digs intelligent chicks who know who they are. Like I said, I know you just met him, but he's totally smitten with you."

Tara could feel her face turn red. _Jax, smitten with her? What? _

"So here's how this works, some messed-up shit is going on with club; messed-up shit that could affect the women and children. This lockdown shit doesn't happen very often, so don't think this is a regular occurrence. I've been with Opie for almost a year, and this only the second time I've been here. All the Old Ladies/wives make food, drinks. Gemma is in charge of hospitatlity, room and board type shit. There is usually a prospect or two protecting the doors, making sure no leaves or enters. One of the Old Ladies is a nurse, so she's in charge of medical emergencies. Just hang with me, you'll be fine. We wait here, safe, while the guys go handle the ugly shit. Hopefully, we'll be out by tomorrow morning."

"Tomorrow morning? Do Jax and Opie go since they're not even prospects yet?"

"Not really, you have to be a prospect to go on runs. But they are both legends of the club, the older guys know this is their destiny. They usually don't leave, but they fill them in. They're preparing 'em for their time. Just don't freak out, and you'll be good."

"Okay.. okay., I can do this. Any tips?"

"Are you serious about Jax? About this?"

"I don't know, I don't know what we are. I just officially met him this week."

"Well he is, he may not admit it yet, but he is. He likes you, so I'm going to give you some advice. If you want him, you have to want the club. You love the man, you learn to love the club. The only way to truly have that steady relationship is for him to tell you everything. It's either every secret or no secret; and trust me, being out in the dark is so much worse. You must demand him that he tells you everything. He turns 18 in the summer, and then he's prospecting. So, know that him and the club are a package deal. No girl is ever going to come between them. I've known Jax a long time, and I know this is all he's ever wanted. As long as you accept the club, and accept all the truths that come along with it, you'll be fine. Of course there are going to be some things that the guys literally can not tell you, but that's to protect you. You're going to be okay, Tara."

Tara sat at the table for a few minutes, in complete shock. She learned more about Jax in just that short conversation with Donna, then he had told her in their three day friendship. _Holy fuck, holy fuck, holy fuck. _Those were the only words her brain could say.

"Is there a phone in hear?" Tara asked.

"On the wall, by the buffet table." Tara nodded and walked over to grab it.

She dialed the number by memorization.

"Hey, it's me. I know I'm past my curfew, but I made a friend at school and she asked me to spend the night. Her name is Donna, she's nice. Don't worry about me, were in her room studying for our Biology test we have on Monday. Please don't worry. I'm fine, we're not going anywhere. See you tomorrow, Tara."

She prayed hard that somehow her dad was to drunk throw a tantrum.

She turned around and saw Jax leaving the sealed room. And she quickly ran over to him, wrapping her arms around his.

"I know, I know." He said, understanding what she was feeling.

"Donna said we won't get out until tomorrow morning, I just called my dad. Jax, if he doesn't believe me.. Jax, he doesn't let me have sleepovers. What is he going to do this time?" Tara was fighting back tears, she would not allow herself to cry in front of all these strangers.

"Hey, listen to me. Look at where you are. You are in the safest room in Charming. No matter what happens, nothing is going to happen to you. You're safe, I promise. You're okay."

Knowing that he didn't have to go on the run with the guys, he stood there wrapping his arms around Tara as tight as he could. The pain on her face almost made him drive down to her house and beat up her asshole dad.

"Don't let me go, Jax." She whispered into his chest, fearing for what might happen next.

"I'm here Tara, I'm not going anywhere."

He


	5. Chapter 5

_**Author's Note **_

**Thank you all so much for the kind words! It means so much to me that y'all like my work…. I can't even describe in words how much I love Jax &amp; Tara. Thanks for leaving such nice and great reviews, I appreciate it so much. **

**I hope y'all enjoy this chapter and the many more to follow… this story is not ending anytime soon! **

* * *

"So it's all clear? We can go?" Tara whispered to Donna.

"Yeah, all the ugly shit was handled by the club. It's all good."

Just as Tara was going to respond, the family inside the club began cheering. She turned to see what the commotion was all about.

The older guys were on their bikes, making their way towards the clubhouse. All the women were running towards their husbands, kids were clapping; even at such young ages they understood and were happy to see their daddies home.

Tara was astonished, Jax was right. Even though messed up shit was going on, not always legal shit, they loved each other. These men, they were most likely criminals, but they had families they adored and loved. Tara was taken back, this really was a family. This was a family, and not coming from a good one, Tara couldn't help but wish this could be her family.

This was a surprisingly good weekend. As weird and unfamiliar as it was, being surrounded by so many welcoming people, it made Tara feel… happy. It made her feel like she belonged somewhere.

Just then, Jax came up behind her.

"Hey, thanks for staying this weekend."

"I'm glad I stayed. You were right, this place is one great big family."

"Did you just say I was right? Please say it again."

"You heard me once, I'm not saying it again." Tara said, teasingly punching him in the arm.

"Yeah, whatever. Let me take you home."

"Okay, let me just get my stuff." He nodded as she walked back into the clubhouse.

Really, she brought nothing with her except her bag from school. No clothes, toothbrush, brush, anything. She had no idea on Friday morning she would be skipping school and spending the night at an MC.

"Uh, Mrs. Teller…" Tara said, trying to get Gemma's attention.

"It's Gemma, honey. My husband died a long time ago."

"Oh well, Gemma, I just wanted to say thank you. I really enjoyed staying here. So, uh, thanks for letting me stay."

"Any friend of Jax's, is a friend of the family's. So, uh, are you two dating or what?"

"Um, not that I know of. Friends, just friends."

"Friends that like to kiss? Don't think no one saw you two kissing on his bike this morning. We all saw, sweetie."

Tara had no idea what to say. _Was she mad that I kissed Jax? _

"Look, Jackson is the only thing I have left. I'm protective over him. If you hurt him, I'm coming after you."

"Uh, yes ma'am."

"One more thing, I know my son. He is very intense. He wouldn't bring you around all this," Gemma said throwing her hands into the air, to signify the club, "if he didn't want you around. Be careful with him. He's a tough guy, but he's sensitive. Be careful, Tara."

Tara nodded, said thank you one more time and then proceeded towards the exit, to ride home with Jax.

"You good?" Jax asked as Tara hopped on the back of his motorcycle.

"Yeah, just take me home." Tara kissed the back of his neck and the motorcycle began to drive away from the club.

* * *

"You were gone all night, at "Donna's house" and then you come home the next morning on some stranger's motorcycle. Where the hell were you?" He yelled.

"I told you, I slept over at Donna's house. We were studying."

"Then who is he?" Her dad yelled, motioning to the stranger standing outside.

"He is a friend of Donna's. He just gave me ride home, it was nothing, Dad. It's nothing."

* * *

_**Ten minutes**_ _**before**_

He pulled into her driveway, breaking the corner rule.

"Look, I don't know how pissed your dad is going to be, so I'm going to stay outside until you give me an all clear, okay?" Jax said, slowly brushing a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Jax, you don't have to do that. I'll be fine."

"Like you were a few days ago? No, I'm going to wait. If something bad happens, just run outside. No explanation needed, babe."

She nodded, scared for what might happen next. He kissed her forehead, and then she headed for the door. She turned around once more, to face Jax, and then walked inside the house.

* * *

"I don't believe you!" He yelled.

"Dad, I'm telling the truth!"

"Who is Donna? Why haven't I met her?"

"Because you don't allow friends in the house! Dad, I'm telling the truth. Nothing happened last night, nothing happened with that boy. Nothing happened! Why don't you trust me?"

Jax was standing in the driveway, leaning against his bike, unfortunately could hear every word. He had to admit, it hurt when Tara said that he was nothing. Even though he knew it was just a lie to her Dad, it still stung.

"Why should I? You're just a slutty teenage girl, staying out late, not coming home at night, riding on motorcycles. Just look at you!" He yelled, throwing a beer can at her.

"I came home late, one time, and I was home before 9! I slept over at a friend's house, studying. And that boy, gave me a ride home. It was nothing! And I'm not a slut, stop saying that you drunk fool! Stop calling me that!"

He looked up, eyes bloodshot and furious.

"What did you call me? A drunk fool? Who do you think you are? What makes you think you have the right to say that?"

He ran towards her at full speed, with beer and anger running through his system.

"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?"

Tara tried to run, but immediately fell when his body hit hers.

"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?" He repeated.

One slap, "What,"

Slap, "Did,"

Punch, "You,"

Slap, "Call,"

Punch, "Me?"

"Stop, stop, stop! Please! Stop, you're hurting me!"

And that was the moment Jax knew he had to intervene. He ran towards the door, opening it as fast as he could.

He charged toward her dad, causing him to roll over on his back.

"She said stop!" Jax yelled, in between his fists connecting with her dad's face.

"When a girl asks you to stop, you stop!" He yelled again.

Filled with so much anger, he couldn't stop. One after another, punch after punch. This process must have been repeated for at least five minutes.

With each punch, Jax became angrier.

"Jax, stop! You're hurting him! He's bleeding! Stop, please!" Tara pleaded.

With everything else tuned out, all he could hear was her voice. Tara's voice, so scared and filled with fear. "Jax, please stop!"

On top of her dad's chest, fists clenched, he looked up at her.

Her eyes were red from fear and tears. All he could see was the fear in her eyes. She had never been around so much violence before.

Her dad may have been awful and hit her and an alcoholic, but she didn't want to hurt him. And she definitely didn't want Jax to be the one to hurt him. She was grateful he was there to protect her, but not at the extent of severely hurting her dad. He was all she had left in this world, and as much as she hated to admit it, she needed him.

"Please, Jax. He's all I have left, please." Once again, he saw the fear on her face, and the worry in her voice. He stood up, and took a step toward her.

"Are you okay, Tara?"

"I think… Is he okay?"

"Just a broken nose and jaw. He'll be fine, but I'm not worried about him. I'm worried about you. Are you okay? What happened?"

"He didn't believe me about last night, so we were arguing. I insulted him, and then he tackled me. Oh god, it was so scary Jax." She leaned her head into chest to relieve herself of her tears. "And then he started slapping me, and punching me, and calling me a slut. I tried to fight him, but I he was so heavy… Oh, Jax."

He wrapped his arms around her, and stroked her head. "Don't worry, babe. Everything is going to be fine. Trust me, it's gonna be alright."

They stood like that for a while, until Tara had no more tears left to cry out. Jax didn't want Tara to be there when her dad regained his strength.

"C'mon, lets go. I'll take you to my place. I'm always here for you, Tara. Let's grab your overnight shit and we'll go."

After grabbing the necessities to maintain her hygiene, she was again, on the back of his motorcycle to her new safe haven…

* * *

"Oh my God, Jax what happened?" Gemma yelled as soon as she saw the pair walk in.

"Tara, what happened to you?"

Gemma, and most of the MC guys were at the Teller house waiting for Gemma's Weekly Dinner to be ready. It was a tradition she started when her husband, JT died. She wanted to repay the guys for taking such good care of them, that was when weekly dinners became a ritual.

Tara was so taken aback. There must have been five or six guys in Gemma's kitchen staring at her newly bruised face. She had no idea who they were, except for the mug shots on the club wall. She had never been so overwhelmed before.

"Mom, not now. We'll talk later." He didn't want Tara to have to retell the story again, in front of so many strangers.

"I didn't know if you wanted to sleep in our guest room, or with me…" Jax said, his sentencing running off.

"With you is fine. Thanks again, Jax."

He kissed her forehead, "You're gonna be alright."

She nodded, as if to say, I don't believe you, but I want too.

Jax set up a place in his room for her to set down her stuff.

"There is a shower right in there, and towels in the closet. And there are blankets in it also, if you want too sleep."

"Sleep sounds nice." Tara nodded.

"I'll save a dinner plate for you." He tucked her into the bed, and silently closed the door behind him.

He stood outside the door, collecting his thoughts.

_Holy fuck, I just beat the shit out of her dad. And I left him with a messed up face and bleeding. Holy shit. How is she going to recover from seeing that? Holy fuck, Gemma is going to be pissed. Do I tell her everything? Holy fuck. _

Jax ran his fingers through his shaggy, long blonde hair and made his way to the kitchen. He rounded the corner, and suddenly Tig, Clay, Bobby, Chibs, Piney and Gemma were all waiting for him, and staring.

"Nosy much? Geez?" Jax said, looking the fridge for a beer.

As long as the alcohol was supervised, and controlled Gemma didn't have a problem with it. He would be prospecting soon, and he would definitely be underage drinking then. She was allowing him to have a head start.

"Jackson Teller, you bring a girl into my house with a bruised face and tears coming out of your eyes, you bet your ass you'll be telling me what happened." Gemma demanded.

"Alright, pipe down. She's trying to sleep."

He sat down at the huge kitchen table, took a sip of his beer, and told the story from the beginning.

Once he started talking, they all sat down, listening to every word.

"She began tutoring me this week, I'm trying to get my grades up, ya know. And we were in the library the other day, and when she took her jacket off, I saw her back. It was real bad, full of scars. Everyone knows her dad's a drunk, and I guess when he's had too much to drink, he gets out his belt. It's bad, mom, really bad. And I guess he's really strict on where she goes and what time she has to be home. She lied last night and told him she was staying at Donna's studying. She told me this morning that she's not aloud to have sleepovers, so I knew he would be pissed when I took her home. And he definitely didn't believe her when she came home on the back of a motorcycle. I knew she'd be in deep shit, so I stayed outside just to make sure she was okay. I heard them arguing, and he was really drunk when we got there, but waited to help until I knew serious shit was going on."

He paused to take another sip of his beer.

"I guess he didn't believe her lie, and then he insulted her, she insulted him back, which got him even more pissed. He tackled her to ground, starting beating up on her face. I heard her screams from outside, and that's when I ran inside. He was sitting on top of her, just wamming his fist into her face. So, naturally, I tackled him off of her and began beating on him. If you think she looks bad, you should see him. I definitely heard his nose and jaw break. Once she was okay, we came over here. I've never seen someone so scared before. I guess this kinda shit happens all the time for her."

No one responded. They all knew the story of her mom, such a shame since she was such a good mom. After she died, they all knew her dad became a drunk. What no one knew, was how bad it became.

"But you can't say shit to her, or to anyone else. She made me promise her that I wouldn't tell anyone about the beatings. You promise you'll keep your mouths shut?"

They all nodded and agreed. "Jax, is she gonna be okay? Gemma asked, showing actual concern for Tara.

"She's really shaken up and scared, but I think so. This isn't new for her. She's sleeping in my room for now."

"Yeah, that's good. When she wakes up, I'll help with the bruises, Lord knows I'm too good at that."

"I'm gonna save a plate for her."

"Good idea." Gemma nodded.

"Guys remember, not a word to anyone." Again, they guys all agreed to keep Tara's dirty little secret.

"Jax, if it ever gets out of hand again, you have to call someone." Gemma warned.

"I wanted to, believe me. But he's the only family she has left. If someone turns him in, she'll be an orphan. And who knows where she'll end up. I couldn't do that to her, with graduation being so close. I can't do it."

"I hear ya, babe." For once, Gemma actually showed real concern for an outsider.

She liked Tara, she really did. But trusting and welcoming and outsider was hard for her, especially when it concerned her Jackson. And seeing a dad beat on his little girl, that hit her right in the heart. She could tell Tara had been through a lot of shit, and it actually made Gemma like her more. Going through something like this, it made her tough. _If she can survive going through a hell like that, she'll make a hell of an Old Lady, _Gemma thought. She knew she was getting ahead of herself, but like she told Tara, Jax was intense. He wouldn't bring a girl around here unless it was serious. She knew that there were feelings already there. Hell, he beat up her dad. A guy doesn't do that unless there was something real going on.

* * *

She slept through the night peacefully, not waking out of hunger or thirst. The clock read 8:32 am when she woke. Jax's bed was comfortable, and even though her face looked like hell, she was relaxed. She knew, being here, with him, that she no longer had to worry about her dad, at least for the time being. Eventually, she knew, she would have to go back home and face her demons. But she didn't want to think about that for now, she wanted to be in the moment, and be safe.

She rolled over to find Jax, walking out of the bathroom.

"Hey babe, you're up. How'd you sleep?"

"Good, I guess I've been asleep for like 12 hours?"

"Yeah, I was going to wake you for dinner, but you looked so peaceful so I couldn't do it."

"Well thanks for letting me sleep, I guess I needed it."

He didn't answer, it was the least he could after the showdown that happened last night.

"And thanks for letting me crash here, and for rescuing me. I don't know what would have happened if you weren't there. Thank you, Jax." She kissed him then, tugging on his shaggy, blonde hair.

The kiss quickly grew into something more; her hands were sliding up, under his shirt. She began her hand along his muscular chest, and he gladly took off his short for her.. She leaned back onto the bed, so he was now on top of her.

He slid his hands under her shirt, and since she was sleeping, there was no bra to be unhooked. She reached for his belt buckle, and that was when he pulled away

"Tara….."

"What?" She asked, confused as to why a teenage boy was saying no to sex.

"I want this. I want this with you, but not like this. I just beat the shit out of your dad last night, you're still upset about all the shit that happened last night. I'm not going to take advantage of you when you're emotionally unstable."

"Jax, I'm fine. I just needed a good night of sleep. C'mon." She said, pushing her lips on top of his.

It took him a minute to resist, but he pulled away again. "Jax!"

"Tara, I told you. Not like this. We just met this week, I don't to pressure you into doing something you're not ready for."

"You don't get to decide that. I told you, I'm fine. Jax, I'm okay."

"No, I told myself I wasn't going to rush into this, not with you. I don't want to drive you away, Tara. I'm not going to rush into anything with you, you mean too much to me."

"Jax—"

"I want this to be special. I want this moment to happen when you're in love with me. I don't want this to be just a hook up. You're more important than a hook up."

"Okay," Tara nodded, who could argue with a guy telling a girl to actually wait for sex, "we'll wait."

"Now, lets go get you some breakfast. Gemma always makes the best Sunday breakfast."


	6. Chapter 6

_**Author's Note **_

_**Hey ya'll! Usually I find the inspiration to write this story so quickly! I wrote the first four chapters in a day! But, I couldn't figure out where to take Jax &amp; Tara's story next….. Well, here it is &amp; I hope it was the worth the wait. I think we all know how passionate and intense their relationship was. So I'm assuming that their relationship didn't exactly go slow.. I mean in my version Jax just beat up her dad, she spent the night at his house, almost had sex, she cried about her abuse, all in the few days they've known each other. Everything about them is passionate and intense, so in this version their relationship isn't going to go slow. I mean it's Jax Teller; who would take a relationship with him slow? Am I right ladies?**_

_**I'm going on vacation for the next week, so I won't be able to update this! I'm sorry! Please don't think I've forgotten about this story, it's all I've been able to think about for the past few days… I won't be neglecting the beautiful story of Jax &amp; Tara, I just simply won't have computer (and most likely internet access). Merry Christmas &amp; Happy Hanukkah(if you're Jewish!)**_

_**Sorry for the long wait, but I finally finished the next chapter. Here is a little J&amp;T love for ya! :) **_

* * *

She was sitting at the long wooden table, completely stunned at how quickly her life had changed. Just in a few days, here she was sitting at the breakfast table with Jax Teller and the rest of MC guys, who all had criminal records. Yet, more than ever, she felt safe. She felt at peace with her self, like she belonged here, with Jax. She knew she had to go home, and face her dad, but right now, with Jax sitting next to her, with his arm around her, there was no place she would rather be. She was going to enjoy each and every moment with him.

"Thank you Mrs. Tell—um, Gemma. For breakfast, and for letting me stay here last night. I appreciate it so much, and you're a great cook. Thank you." Tara said, as she was getting ready to head back home.

"Anytime, Tara. You're always welcome here, okay. Always. See ya around, darling."

Jax was taking her home again. It's funny how accustomed she grew to motorcycles, in just a few days. What used to scare her, she now loved. She loved the thrill of the ride; the wind in her face, how tightly she was pressed against Jax. She loved it all, and in that moment, she knew she was hooked forever. As long as Jax was the one she holding on to, she would ride a motorcycle for the rest of her life.

He was nearing her house, and all Tara could feel was scared. She knew Jax would never let anyone hurt her, she sure of that now more than ever. But, she was still scared. Jax couldn't be around to protect her all the time. This was her dad, she had to live with him for another year. _This was her dad. _This was her family, and you can't run from your family. She knew her dad would no longer try anything with Jax around, but what would happen when he left? She was scared. She knew she had to face him at some point, but in Jax's arms she felt safe; she didn't want to leave that feeling.

He walked her inside, hand in hand.

"It's Sunday, he doesn't normally get home from work until 6 on Sunday's." She said, explaining why there was no car in the drive.

"Do you want me to stay?" He asked.

"No, no I'll be fine. I have some homework I need to do, and some cleaning. I'll be fine."

"Are you sure? I'm sure Gemma wouldn't mind. I can stay."

"No, you go do your thing. I'm fine. Why don't you come back around six, when he gets home if you're so worried." Tara played it off cool, but inside she was more scared than she led on. She didn't want to Jax to know that she wanted him here, but she did.

"If you insist lady, I'll be here at 5:45. Just call me if you need anything, okay?" She loved hearing the concern in his voice.

She nodded, "Yes, I will."

He bowed his head down, so his lips could meet hers. It was sweet,full of care and young love blossoming.

He stood there for a moment, just examining her face _God, she's beautiful. _When he left her house, he wanted to remember every single detail about her.

He made his way for the door, "Jax," He paused, and turned around, "bring your books. I'm still your tutor." Tara said, as a smirk came across her face.

"Yes ma'am!" He gave her a wink, and exited the house. She heard his motorcycle pull out of the driveway, and her heart sank. She hated when he left, but knew that this was her problem, not his. She appreciated him wanting to help and wanting to look out for her, but she was a big girl and she wanted to handle this herself. She had to prove to herself that could handle this, that she was strong enough to get though it.

She sat on the couch and sighed. Getting away for the weekend was great, especially since it was with Jax.

"_I want this to be special. I want this moment to happen when you're in love with me. I don't want this to be just a hook up. You're more important than a hook up." _

She couldn't believe that he said that.

_You're more important than a hook up. _

_I want this moment to happen when you're in love with me. _

_I don't want to drive you away. _

_I'm not going to rush into anything with you, you mean too much to me. _

Recalling the intimate moments from last night, she was still in shock. A teenage guy said no to sex. A teenage guy that looked like Jax said no to sex. She was in disbelief. He wanted to wait. She shook her head and stood up.

"What the hell is happening…?" She said out loud, to herself. She was confused as hell, but she couldn't help but smile. Whenever someone said his name, she smiled. _Damn, this is going to hurt like hell, _she thought.

To get her mind off Jax, she got up and began cleaning. First with vacuuming the living room carpet, vacuuming her room and her dad's. She then moved to the kitchen, wanting it to be spotless when her dad came home, she washed all the dishes and put the clean dishes away, wiped down all the counters, she then mopped the floor. She turned on the tv to help make the laundry more enjoyable, Tara liked doing the laundry, but without any other sound beside her thoughts, she was going to go crazy.

Even though the kitchen was already completely spotless, she knew her dad would be less mad about the events that happened last night if there were goodies for him to eat. So, so got out all the ingredients to make his favorite cookies, white macadamia nut. Wanting to give him a variety, she also started to make chocolate. While the first batch of white macadamia nut cookies were in the oven, preparing the second, the phone rang. She rinsed her hands, and walked over to the wall phone.

"Hey, babe." She knew who it was, by his voice. And how her heart felt when he said babe.

"Hey, you." Tara responded back.

"I'm just calling to check in. Everything good?" He said into the phone.

"Let's see, I vacuumed the living room and our bedrooms, cleaned the kitchen, mopped the kitchen floor, folded the laundry, started another load of laundry, and now I'm messing up the kitchen to bake cookies. Everything is good." Tara laughed at herself.

"Damn, girl. I knew I liked you for a reason. Definitely wife material."

Instead of responding, Tara blushed. They had known each other for less than a week and he was already saying things like wife material. He blushed hard. Jax filled in the awkward silence,

"Well, do you need me to come over? It's almost 5:45."

_He remembered, _"If you want to, then sure."

"Alright, I'm at the club, so I'll be there in fifteen minutes. See ya later, babe!"

"Bring your books, Jackson! We have a test tomorrow!"

He would never admit it, but he loved the way Jackson rolled off her tongue. She was the only person who called him Jackson, besides Gemma, and he loved it.

Right on time, there was a knock on the door, and Tara knew exactly who it was. She ran to the door to hug him.

"Hi." She said, wearing a huge grin on her face.

"Hey."

He walked over to the couch and set down his bag of books, "Oh good, you remembered your books."

"Well, I can't have my tutor mad at me. That would kinda kill the whole relationship thing." Jax said, reaching for Tara, pulling her in for a big bear hug.

"So… That's what _this _is, a relationship? Like we're dating?" Tara tried to say in the nicest, most romantic way possible.

"Yeah, that's what this is. You and me, babe."

She turned around then, so she was now facing him, just inches away from his lips, hands on his chest.

"You and me." She whispered, before pulling his shirt closer to her, so their lips touched in a sweet kiss.

She wouldn't say so, but the way her heart exploded with happiness when he said _You and me. _She was so happy to hear him say that.

They were now hugging, his arms wrapped tightly around her waist, and hers tightly wrapped underneath his arms, they pressed against his mid-upper back muscles. As he was rubbing her back, "It smells really good in here."

"Thank you!" Tara smiled. She let go of him, took his hand, and led him to the kitchen, "Try one." She insisted.

In mid-chew, "Why didn't you tell me you were such a good cook?"

She shrugged her shoulders, "It never came up I guess."

She gave him another cookie, and then she insisted on them actually studying. She needed to pass the upcoming biology test as much as he did. She stood at the kitchen, baking as he read the study guide out loud. She asked him a question and he answered it, and vice versa. Once all the cookies were baked, and the kitchen was once again cleaned up, she sat on the floor, book in her lap, and he joined by sitting across from her.

"It's 6:30, any reason why he isn't home yet?" Jax asked, concerned.

"No, and really I don't care. Maybe he saw your bike in the driveway and got scared, so he left." Tara said laughing.

"Babe, you're lucky you have a boyfriend as strong as me." Jax said, flexing his muscles.

"You need to put those away, you don't have a gun permit."

They kept studying for another half an hour, going back and forth with different study habits. At 7, she got up and made her way to the kitchen to make dinner.

"Hey, are you staying for dinner?" She asked, reaching for a pot to boil water.

"Depends, whatcha making?" He asked, lifting his head up, obviously interested.

"Chicken Alfredo and garlic bread." Tara said, her face deep into the fridge, trying to find the ingredients.

"Oh, definitely!" He said, rubbing his hands together, happy with the menu.

"Good, so you can start by making the garlic bread." She said, giving him a glare that said, if I'm making you dinner you bet your ass you're going to be helping.

He was shocked at first, but willingly got up to help.

They stood side by side, cooking, laughing at Jax's inability to cook.

"You could never live on your own, could you?" Tara laughed.

"Hey, it's not so bad. Ive never made homemade garlic bread before, give a guy a break." He said, trying not to be too embarrassed.

"I am, that's why I had you make the garlic bread." She laughed and then kissed his cheek.

She walked away then, to turn on the record player. _Alabama's _Greatest Hits volume started to play and they both belted out the lyrics.

_This is nice, _she thought, _Jax and I making dinner together. _

The rest of the evening was wonderful and fun. They shared laughs and jokes. The definition of a great night. He again complimented her on cooking, and joked that Gemma would be jealous of her ability to cook so well.

Once all the dishes were clean, Jax walked over to Tara and wrapped his arms around her.

"I don't want to, but I have to go. Crazy moms, you know." He whispered into her ear.

"I figured, thank you, boyfriend." She said, stunning herself at how unfamiliar yet nice it sounded coming out of her mouth.

"I like that, being your boyfriend."

"Well I like calling you my boyfriend." She said, giving him a peck on the lips.

"I gotta go, babe. You sure you'll be alright?"

"Yeah, if he's out this late, it means he's going to be really drunk so fingers crossed that nothing happens." She said, trying to laugh it off.

"You know the deal, Tara." His tone suddenly becoming more serious.

"Yes I will call you if something happens, I promise!"

He kissed her once more, and then he was out the door again, heading home.

* * *

She slept so well that night, with a full heart. After Jax left, she watched tv for another hour and then closed and locked the door to room so she could study. Jax and her studied for two hours, but felt the need to study once more. The clock read 12:18 when she finally put her books away. She wanted to study for another thirty minutes, but also wanted to be asleep when her dad came home.

When her alarm clock rang in the morning, she was excited to get up for once. Waking up meant going to school, and going to school meant seeing Jax. There was no way she could her smile when she thought of him. The first thing she did, before anything else, was check to see if her dad's car was in the driveway, unfortunately it was. Luckily, she locked her door last night so even if wanted to, he couldn't get in. Him being home, and most likely still drunk from the bar, he had to be quiet while getting ready.

She took a quick shower, not wanting to be late. She brushed her teeth after her shower, still in her towel, so she wouldn't forget if she was rushed. Tara decided to wear her favorite jeans, the ones that made her legs look longer, a tank top layered with a soft cardigan. Fortunately, her hair dried straight, so all she had to do was brush out the tangles. With no makeup to work with, she put on lip balm to keep her lips from getting chapped, and she was ready for the day. She packed a few cookies for Jax, knowing how much he liked them last night. She zipped up her combat boots, checked herself in the mirror one last time, and made her way towards the front door.

To her surprise, Jax was waiting for her again in her driveway.

_How did I not hear his bike? _She thought.

"What are you doing here? Are you here to kidnap me again?" Tara teased as she walked over to her new boyfriend.

"I just wanted to take my girlfriend to school, is that a crime?" He asked, place a kiss on her lips.

"I'm so glad it's not." Tara smiled as he handed her a helmet. She willingly got on the back of his motorcycle, wrapping her arms around him.

For some reason, the closer they got to school, the more nervous she became. It's not like she had any friends, but what would everyone think of them riding to school together? Did they even know who she was? She knew Jax wouldn't let anyone say bad things about their relationship, but she still didn't want people to talk bad about her.

He turned the bike towards the left, which meant they were now in the school parking lot. He pulled into a parking spot, which was right next to Opie's. Jax turned off the bike, and turned around as best as he could while still sitting, "Here we go, babe."

He stood up, to help her with his helmet. His smiled his devilishly handsome smile that Tara loved, and she couldn't help but smile back.

"You're cute." She said, sticking her thumb into his belt loops.

"Oh, I'm glad my girlfriend thinks I'm cute."

He leaned down to kiss her then, his hands resting on the bike seat. She reached for his face, gently cupping it. She couldn't but smile when their lips met. He was such a good kisser, she always wanted more.

As their kiss lasted longer than a few minutes, they heard a male voice behind them clear his throat. "Excuse me, no PDA at school."

"Shut up, Opie!" Jax and Tara said simultaneously.

He laughed then, pulled Donna close to him and waited for the lovebirds to finish their makeout scene.

Jax pulled away first, not wanting to make too much of a screen.

"You're a good kisser Ms. Knowles."

"Eh, you're not so bad yourself Mr. Teller." She reached for his tshirt, grabbed it, and pulled it towards herself for one more kiss.

"Okay," she said, "maybe you're not so bad." Tara admitted.

He chucked at her last comment, "Like I said last night babe, you're lucky you've got such a hot boyfriend." She hit him in the gut then, due to his cockiness.

He walked over to Opie and gave him a hug, and said hello. To Jax, it felt like he hadn't seen him in forever. He spent the whole weekend with Tara, he barely saw Opie.

"How ya doing, Op?"

"I'm good man!" He exclaimed, grabbing Donnas waist and kissed her forehead.

"I can tell!" Jax said laughing, acknowledging his PDA with Donna. "How are ya, Donna?" He asked.

"I'm good, Jax." In that moment, Tara walked over to say hello to Donna.

Since her and Jax were now officially dating, Tara assumed that she would be spending a lot of time with Donna.

"So, what's going on with you lovebirds?" Donna asked, interested with the details.

"Meet the Princess of Charming!" Jax said, wearing a grin from ear to ear. The comment made Tara blush, which Jax loved to do.

"Well congrats to the royal couple!" Opie said, giving Jax a high five.

The first bell rang, which meant that students had five minutes to get to their homeroom classes.

Jax reached for Tara's hand and kissed it. He then gently hung his arm around her shoulder, letting everyone else know at Charming High School that Tara Knowles was his girl.


	7. Chapter 7

I'm baaaaaaaaccck! I hope you missed me! I sure missed yall! It's so weird not being able to write down all the writing thoughts you have, the minute you have them. I had so many ideas on this story, and by the time I had a chance to write them down, I forgot them. So, I'm starting with a blank brainstorm page for chapter 7 and on…

Sorry for such a short update... have to get my creative SAMCRO juices flowing again. They'll be back to normal in no time.

Here we go, back to good 'ole Charming, California…

* * *

Ever since that first day at school, when we were officially a couple, it's all been a blur. Suddenly, without me ever realizing, we've been together for four months. And that first day at school still feels like yesterday, sometimes I still feel the butterflies when Jax put his arm around my shoulder the first time, publicly…

Opie had just called us the Royal Couple of Charming. I remember laughing at his joke, and then suddenly got quiet. I was thinking, _what does that mean? are people going to treat me differently? has any other girl been the Princess of Charming? am I now starting to become his Old Lady? _It was way too much to think about. We had _just _started dating, and today was our first official public declarative of a couple…

I was filled with insecurity and doubt, and I looked up at Jax, who had his arm around me, and smiled. I wasn't in love with him, _yet. _But with that smirk, I knew I would be soon.

I had ridden on the back of his bike before, countless times already. But none of those times, had it been to school, in front of all of our peers. That Friday, we were supposed to go to school, but took a detour and spent the whole day making out instead. Not many people here knew my name or were my friend, but suddenly they saw a girl on the back of Jackson Teller's motorcycle, and they wanted to know my name.

Jackson wrapped his arm around me made our way toward the front doors of Charming High School.

I didn't know what to think. All my life I'd been the quiet girl, the smart girl, the weird girl, the 'my mother is dead' girl, and now I would be Jax Teller's girl. And that was finally a name I wanted to be called, one that I liked, and one I never wanted to change.

A few of our classmates stopped walking and stared. Jax was known as the Playboy of the school, the most eligible teenage bachelor of Charming, the infamous hookup guy, the guy most likely to never get serious about a girl, yet here he was walking to school with his arm around a girl, kissing her. I know I've never send him to do this with anyone. It made me think, _what _do_ I have that they don't? _

Apparently, others thought so too because a few girls were asking each other that out loud, in front us, very loudly.

It was in this moment, that I knew how serious Jax thought of us:

"Well she certainly doesn't have as shitty as a reputation that you do. And she definitely isn't as big as a bitch as you are. Next time you talk shit about my girlfriend like that, you'll pay for it."

He then kissed my cheek. No one has ever defended me like that, I felt honored to have someone so protective and defensive as my boyfriend. If your boyfriend doesn't do that for you, do you really have a boyfriend? Here we were on our first official day as a couple, and people were already doubting us, little did we know they would be our whole lives. But, here was Jax defending us and our choices. My heart swooned.

He led me to the stairwell inside the campus, which was empty this morning, five minutes before school started, "Are you okay? Sorry those girls were such bitches."

"It's okay, I'm fine Jax. Thank you for defending me."

"I'll do it a million times for you, babe. You already know that though."

"Yes I do, but I want to thank you. It means a lot to me, having someone to stand up for me."

"As long as you're okay, I'm okay."

I nodded, "I'm good, promise." I gave him my pinky.

He kissed my forehead then, and we made our way to the mass of students in the school lobby.

I would never admit it, but I had butterflies walking with him front of everyone. He gave me butterflies, and I loved it.

That day feels like yesterday and also a million years ago at the same time. We are still that same couple, but yet different in so many ways. Here we are, Jax and I still together after four months. Four months doesn't feel like a long time, but to me it feels like a lifetime. I never thought I'd be here today, sitting across from a man who defends me, who respects me, who wants me. I never thought I could ever be this happy.

After my mom died, I was in this constant depressed mood. It was school, homework, reading, and school. Those were the only things I focused on. School and books were my life. Those two things got me through the toughest years of my life. It wasn't until Jax found me, that I truly understood what it was like to have someone to depend on. Someone who will listen to your every complaint and annoyance, someone who was there for you and wanted to protect you from all that was evil in the world. Ever since that day at my house with Jax and my dad, I knew Jackson would never let anyone harm me. I knew from then on that I would be safe with him, that I could confide in him. That I could trust him with my heart. I think I knew I was in love with him the weekend he took me back to his place and comforted me; when he promised that everything was alright, that he wasn't leaving my side.

I still can't believe it's only been four months of dating Jax Teller.


	8. Chapter 8

_**Sorry, for the wait. **_

_**This isn't very good, in my opinion, it's definitely not my best. But I wanted to give you guys something to read, and to see what I've been working on. The next chapter will definitely be better. Hopefully, y'all will enjoy anyways! **_

* * *

Finals have ended, and summer came and went. With only one week left of summer, it's tough to imagine starting senior year of high school. Summer was so…. amazing. No stress, no school, no homework, no responsibilities. It was great to relax for a change.

After finals ended, and summer officially started Jax and I went back to his secret spot. That was where we spent the first official day of summer. He planned a picnic for the two of us, he thought of everything: food, drinks, blanket, napkin, music, cards to play. Then we went hiking on one of the "mountains" near Charming, I say mountains loosely. It was so romantic yet laid back. It was perfect, absolutely perfect. We stayed up at the top until the sun set.

"When the sun goes down, you have to make a wish." I said.

He started to quietly chuckle, "Make a wish when the sun goes down, okay I can do that."

He took me in his arms, and embraced me into a romantic bear hug. We stood like that until the sun was completely set, and both our wishes were made.

"So, are you going to tell me what you wished for?"

"I'll tell you when it comes true!" I teased back. "Now, just help me get down!"

Breaking an ankle on the top of a "mountain" at night, was the last thing I needed.

After the hiking trip, we went home and changed and then went to the annual Beginning of Summer party hosted by one of our classmates. I've never met him, but I guess he's a friend of Jax &amp; Opie's. It was fun to have the foursome back together again, celebrating the joy of making it to our senior year of high school. I remember we didn't stay long, I about fell asleep after my first beer from the day's activities. We all stayed and danced for a little while longer, but left around midnight.

Like I said, it was the perfect way to kick off summer. I couldn't imagine spending it with anyone else.

We had another week together, just enjoying each other's company, before the Teller family went on vacation to Arizona and Texas. I guess there is a big motorcycle convention/show there in the summer. And the Teller's _could never _miss a Harley Davidson motorcycle show. I guess that almost all of the MC joined them, it was their annual charter trip. The only people that they left behind were a few prospects, just to keep an eye on the clubhouse and the garage. When Clay, the President, and the other club members were gone, the prospects ran the shop and kept everything in order.

It sucked having Jax be gone that long, but it was good for both of us. I missed him terribly; it was strange not having him around, I hated it. The first two days I had no idea what to do, I was so incredibly bored. I began cleaning the whole house because I had nothing else to do. It took me a while to find something to do that I enjoyed.

As much as I missed him, it was nice having time to myself; I missed just making myself happy by reading a book, going for a jog, writing my poetry. It was a week for me, it was wonderful.

As much as I loved having the house practically to myself for a week, the minute Jax called to say he was home, I went for a jog and came home from the MC way past curfew. Donna was there too, finally seeing Opie, his family went on vacation with the Teller's to Arizona. We spent the evening catching up, laughing, joking, Gemma cooked up appetizers. It was one of the most laughter-filled evening I've ever had. I can't remember a time where I felt happier.

I was surrounded by this family that I never knew I wanted or needed, but now that I had them, I couldn't imagine not having them.

I remember those two weeks he was gone on vacation, was the best yet also the most boring two weeks ever. It was nice having time to myself, enjoying the quiet, enjoying the summer but was also so boring without Jax. In just a few short months he's become my best friend, he's the person I tell everything too, he's the person I'm always hanging out with. I had to slightly adjust myself when he left. No communication for two weeks.

He did send a post card though, "7th Annual Chandler Harley-Davidson Open House Annual Car &amp; Motorcycle Show" I remember actually getting something in the mail, which never happens. Even while he was away, he was thinking of me, I ran inside to scream and to read it a hundred times.

Who know one boy could make me completely boy crazy? _ What was happening to me?_

"_Knowles, _

_Hopefully this gets to you before I come back. _

_Miss you babe._

_One year, you'll be here with me. It's not the same without you, even Gemma thought it was weird not having you around. _

_Excited to see you, _

_Teller aka Prince Charming" _

It wasn't a lot, but it didn't need to be. He was away on vacation with his family, and the whole MC, yet he was thinking of me.

I pinned the postcard up on my wall, along with a few pictures. We have one of us taken on the first day of summer at the party, and another on the mountain, Gemma took a picture of us sitting on his bike. Including the postcard, that's it, that's all the memoirs of our relationship that I have. Hopefully I'll have more, I really really hope so.

The rest of the summer flew by. He began working at the auto shop for some extra cash, and I was tutoring kids at the library and I also was a lifeguard a few times at the local pool. Our schedules worked out really well, we were both busy working in the morning and afternoon and by 5 we were both done working, so we had the rest of the day and night to ourselves. Sometimes we would hang out with Donna &amp; Opie, go to the movies, hangout out at the MC with the crew, and go to a party with our classmates. One weekend, neither of us had to work, so we went on a mini road trip. We asked Donna &amp; Opie to join us, but Opie took Jax's shift at the garage.

We left early Saturday morning, stopped at the main gas station in town and grabbed a few snacks, filled up his gas tank, and took off, heading for San Francisco. Instead of staying at a hotel, which Gemma forbid us doing, "I am to young to have grand-babies!" We stayed at the San Francisco charter of SOA. Little did she know, that Jax still wouldn't have sex with me.

Of course our parents were hesitant to let us go on a road trip by ourselves, but we provided them with very valid points. 1) Even though he was still my parent, my dad had very little say in what I did since the first time he met Jax, or the beat down. 2) He would barely notice I was gone, since I pre-made dinners for the weekend. 3) Jax was turning 18 at the end of the summer, making him a legal adult. 4) Once he started prospecting, he would be doing these things all the time. 5) Better he does this with a girl you know, and not have just runaway for the weekend. 6) Gemma knows where we are the whole time, and so do 15 motorcycle club members. 7) Jackson could easily defend us, meaning me, if we came into any trouble. ("We won't, I'll make sure of that." He said.)

He introduced me to the San Francisco chapter of Sons of Anarchy, and took me one tour of their clubhouse. "The Charming and San Francisco chapters are practically brothers. Any major conflicts, we always step up for the other."

We went to see the aquarium, went to the beach, took another hike to the infamous Golden Gate Bridge picture spot. Luckily, another couple was there doing the same thing, and they took my favorite picture of Jackson and I. It was a candid, he was tickling me causing my wide grin to appear, and I remember looking at him to tell him to stop. He was peering down, staring at me. I could never thank that stranger enough for taking that picture of us. The picture is of us laughing and smiling, looking into each other's eyes. It just shows two souls happily eager to explore life together.

During that trip, the San Francisco SOA members taught me how to play poker, and how to play well. So well that I beat Jax six times, in one night, hurting his manly ego.

It was a weekend to enjoy each other's company, to not have any person controlling us. It was just us, and whatever we wanted to do. No parents, no rules. Except one.

No sex.

I still didn't get it. I had already fallen in love with him, I just hadn't admitted it. The old-fashioned girl in me was waiting for him to admit it first. He thought four months was too soon, and wanted to wait longer. I think the wait is because he thinks he'll hurt me, and would somehow leave him because of it. Stupid boys. We avoided the subject and physical act of it as long as possible. Part of me want to take that step with him, but I also enjoyed our relationship the way it was. Not once has he pressured me about it.

Part me of was conflicted on the subject. I wanted to have Sex the same amount as any other normal teenage girl, but I also didn't want to. Our relationship was at a great point during that trip, and it still is. I guess during that trip I was worried that it would somehow ruin what we had. With expectations, disappointment, I don't know. I just didn't want the hype to be more than reality. And I…. I was falling in love with Jackson as a person, which was so much more important. And I knew he had never been in true love before, and I didn't want to rush him into anything he wasn't ready for. And I know he didn't want to rush me into doing something I would later I regret. He may put up a bad boy exterior, which is mostly true, but he is so much more sensitive and caring than he ever leads on to be.

But… I was also worried. Ever since that first weekend, Jax hasn't given me any reason not to trust him. According to him, he hasn't looked at one girl since that day I yelled at him in homeroom. I don't know if that's true, but it was so cute I had to believe it. As far as I knew, Jax had been having sex since freshman year, I'm just hoping he didn't lose his virginity before that. And I still am. All these girls, they know how attractive he is, and a lot of girls in Charming apparently know how good he is in the sack. Me being a girl, I have these insecurities. These insecurities that soon enough, he'll get tired of just "hanging out" and will look elsewhere to find what he needs, if I can't offer it. Maybe I'm acting crazy, or maybe this is totally normal. I'm not sure, all I'm aware of is that I like where we are, and I don't want to mess it up.

When we got back from the trip, we fell back into our normal routines of work. We both had to make up for the shifts we lost, causing us both to work double and overtime. Jax didn't mind though.

And now that our senior year was starting in a week, the summer was a blur. It was exciting and wonderful and adventurous, everything a person could want. The only thing I can vividly remember about it was the trip to San Francisco and working. The short amount of time we had off for summer went by too fast, leaving me feeling exhausted, overwhelmed and sad going into senior year. Which is probably normal for all high school seniors.

But with Jax's birthday in two days, I didn't really mind. All I cared about now was school and him. What else mattered? It took me the whole summer to figure out the perfect gift for him. He is probably the hardest guy on earth to shop for. He hates presents and surprises, he has everything he needs, and isn't a materialistic guy. Which only leaves personal gifts and necessities. I thought about giving him something for his bike, but he can get anything through the shop and he knows more about that stuff than I do which would probably lead me getting him the wrong item. So the only thing left is for me to get him a personal gift.

I had saved most of my money from working, which meant for the first time in my life, I had actual money to spend. And I was more than happy to spend it on him.

I did the cliché girlfriend gift of getting him a picture frame with the Golden Gate Bridge picture of us inside, which I later found out that he placed it on his nightstand.

I knew his life was Sons, and I knew it always would be. I was not particularly fond of it, but I couldn't change him. He is Sons, it's in his blood, and it's his unfortunate legacy. I knew who he was when I started dating him. I took Donnas advice and learned to accept it, which was much easier to do since he wasn't officially in the club yet. It would be much harder to accept the club once he was a prospect and then patched in. Chills when through my body as I thought of him being patched into Samcro.

I knew getting him a gift pertaining to Sons would be the perfect gift, and he would most likely use it. He wasn't allowed to get a tattoo until he was patched in, so I couldn't pay for that. He already had a chain he wore so I couldn't get him one of those. I decided to get the next best thing, gold square rings that spell SONS. They were manly and tough, the perfect jewelry for a man. And he could still wear them, even though he wasn't patched in. I asked Gemma, "Since its in his blood, I don't see a problem with it. Just don't make 'me too girly, he'll feel gay." They were big and chunky, not feminine at all (I was hoping.) I was just crossing my fingers that he liked them and would hopefully wear them.

Now all I had to do was wait for his birthday party to give them to him.

Gemma and I planned an awesome party for his 18th. It was the Wednesday before school started, so we wanted to plan something small and not too extravagant. But, a boy only turn eighteen once, and once he turned eighteen, her and I both knew he would be lost in the club.

We planned a cookout, with all of his friends from school. No club guys, yet. We wanted him to enjoy time with his friends, because once again, Gemma and I both knew that once he began prospecting, he would rarely ever see them.

Before the cookout, I planned a hike for Jax and I. He had grown to really like them, and it was great exercise. It was great quality time for the two of us, this is when I was going to give him my gifts. I wanted to stay until sunset, but I knew Gemma would chew my ear off.

Then, the immediate family (Jax, Gemma, Opie, Donna and I) would go back to the clubhouse and meet up with the club members. There would be no cake, Gemma and I decided. "That's way too girlie. He's a man, if he wants cake tell him to go buy one." I didn't fight her one that, _pick your battles, Tara. This one isn't big enough to fight. _

I decided I was going to make him one, that I would show him the next day when he came over.

Then, as a tradition, the club members would all take 18 shots recognizing his birthday, and would also make him take eighteen. Luckily, he was used to excessively drinking alcohol, so he wasn't completely wasted by the end.

We knew they were planning on taking him out, and Gemma and I also knew they would be drunk or on their way, so we hired a party bus to take them around town. We also knew they were taking him to the strip club in the next town over. _Because if youre part of a motorcycle club, youre going to take a kid on his eighteenth birthday to a strip club. What else would you do? _

I called The Gentlemen's Getaway on Monday, when Gemma ordered the bus, and made sure I was notified when they arrived, when they left, and if anything happened between an employee and a club member. I was going to make sure nothing happened with a sleazy stripper and my man. I don't care what club he is in, he _is not _going to cheat on me with some stripper named Candi.

It was the perfect party for him, and I knew he would love it. He's a simple man, who loves simple things. This party was all about family, friends, and having a good time. Three of the things he loves most in the world, besides his Harley.

On the day of the party, I was riding with Gemma to their house to set up for the barbecue, when she decided to open up and be vulnerable.

"Listen, I need you to tell you something, and I need you to not say anything to Jax. Can you do that for me?" She asked.

"Wait, you want me to lie my boyfriend, who is also your son? Why?"

", Clay proposed last night and I don't want Jax to know until he starts prospecting."

"You and Mr. Teller were dating? Since when?"

"Oh honey, that's not important. He loves me, and I love him. And he can take care of me, while I can still be involved in the club. But you can't say anything to Jax, until after he's an official prospect."

"Uh, then why would you even tell me? You could've just waited. Now I have to lie to him."

"I told you because I need to know that I can trust you."


	9. Chapter 9

_**I know it's been a while, between schools, sports, blah blah blah... It took a while to get the story line to paper(or in this case a computer)! Hopefully that picks up!**_

_**Beware of crazy mom Gemma!**_

_**Check out my other story, Something Special, a Scandal fanfiction! Some crazy drama is about to go down, check it out! **_

_**I gave you some Jax&amp;Tara loving, I know we're missing it ever since she died &amp; THE SHOW ENDED! UGH MY HEART. **_

_**I hope this can satisify your heart for now. **_

_**SOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOA**_

* * *

My boyfriends mother had just asked me to lie to him. I was stunned. I couldn't properly function for an hour or two, too perplexed as to why she would even tell me this information. I wasn't about to ruin Jax's birthday so I did keep this new information to myself, but I knew this situation had no goo ending.

If I keep my secret to Gemma, no doubt Jax will be furious with me and I had no idea how he will react. I know that he is not too keen on Clay, and I'm not sure if he'll ever be fully okay with his mom dating someone who isn't JT, his father. He'll especially be pissed that her new beau is apart of his club, and the president. Which meant that no matter what, jax know had to respect Clay on all levels, and see him a lot more, which he wasn't fond of.

If I didn't keep my secret, and told Jax, I would lose all progress I've made with Gemma. Jax and I have been dating for a few months, and she is finally coming around with idea of me dating her son. And there are a few moments when we generally seem to be getting along, but I really have no clue because of Gemma's bipolar attitude. Being dishonest to my boyfriend is a lot more of a burden to deal with than being honest with his mother. I wasn't dating her, I was dating him. My obligation to be loyal and to tell the truth is to Jax, not Gemma. And I really do want her to like me, but lying to her son, my boyfriend, is no way to do that.

I reached a decision, but I was torn on it. Ruining my relationship with Gemma this early in my relationship with Jax, meant that it would be a long, uphill battle to getting back on her good side.

I decided that I would tell Jackson, when the time was right, after his birthday party. There is no point in ruining a perfectly good party, and his 18th birthday celebration. I was reaching down, fixing myself a plate of food, to see the person of honor, in a circle talking to a few of his friends from school, with a huge grin on face, full of laughter. It was so nice to see him this happy, and relaxed. He seemed carefree and joyous in this moment, and I never wanted that feeling to be taken away from him.

The barbecue went off without a hitch. Especially when he saw the first cake I made him. I know Gemma said cakes were for girls. But I want to present him with a funny gift that he would actually use.

Since the legal drinking age is 18, I had one of his senior friends buys me a few six packs of Jackson's favorite beer. I was making a beer cake, with six layers. I knew he would love it, especially for the MC's party later. Everyone at the barbecue was a drinker, and would also get a kick out of it. He was the legal age now, there want anything anyone could say. I turned around and saw a smirk on Gemma's face, which hopefully meant she approved. Or maybe it was of jealously, that she hadn't thought of it first. But I had Opie start singing the lyrics of Happy Birthday and walked out into the backyard with with his beer-can cake, and two candles at the top. I looked around for him, and when he turned around and saw the cake, he burst out laughing and almost fell walking over to meet me.

"This is perfect! I knew she was a keeper!" He yelled to the crowd, which respond with roaring laughter.

I set the cake on the table for him to blow out the candle, making sure someone was taking pictures, Donna I think.

"Happy Birthday Jax!" I yelled over the crowd, for him to hear me.

He grabbed my hand and pulled me in close, and whispered just low enough so only I could hear,

"_This is perfect, really. You know me so well, **I love you**_." He knows I'm not a PDA person, so only kissed my forehead, which is way more romantic. And luckily, at that moment I heard the camera go off.

We were still standing together, his arm around my back, and mine in his back Jean pocket, and I was stunned.

My mind was frozen. He just said the L word. He just said I love you. It was prefect in Jax's way. He it was unexpected, simple and sweet, and I loved it. Even with all these people around, it was private and intimate. It was simple and a surprise, which meant it was super personal; it came from Jax's heart. He's letting me in, which means so much more than anything else. I couldn't stop smiling. He loved me. This boy is in love with me. What did I do to deserve such love and happiness? My cheeks started to heart from so much smiling. I was on cloud nine, and I never wanted to come down.

We were next to each other for the rest of the night, whether it was standing or sitting or playing a game, ever since he confessed his true feelings, he wouldn't let me go. And I definitely wasn't fighting it. He smelled so damn good; a musky scent with a sweet, rustic vibe. I often considered buying his cologne so I could smell like him. Whenever I was at his house, and had to change for whatever reason, I always stole shirts and jackets. He was beginning, and If elt bad taking his clothes, but he smells so good I couldn't handle it.

* * *

**2 weeks ago**

_"Hey babe, have you seen my white long sleeved SAMCRO shirt? I can't find it anywhere" Jax said, getting dressed for school one morning._

_My dad never returned home from the bar one night, and he insisted I stay with him. And Gemma also insisted that I stay in their guest room._

_"Ummmm.." I slowly said, as I walked across the hall to his room. "Yeah, I do."_

_I slyly took the shirt out of his drawer last night, to sleep in. I put on a bra before leaving my room, and then length of the t-shirt hid my lounge shorts underneath, which made me appear to be wearing nothing underneath at all._

_"Now, that looks so much better on you than it would ever look on me."_

_"Sorry, I was cold last night and didn't pack anything to sleep in."_

_"Don't worry about it, it looks good on you." He kissed my cheek and found another shirt to wear._

_After school, we stopped at my house to pick up a few school things, we both had a test tomorrow and I insisted to studying. It had also gotten warmer outside, so I wanted to change before going back over to his house._

_Even though we weren't having sex, he has seen me change, so this really want a big deal. He walked over to my closet, just to explore, waiting for me to be ready. And that's when he found my stash. I had been hiding away my shacker shirts and hoodies in my closet next on a shelf, next to my blankets. And unfortunately, it was too obvious they were all his. All of the shirts &amp; jackets, were black and white, and the first shirt read "If guns become outlawed, I will become an outlaw." with a reaper beneath it._

_"Hey Knowles, come here for second." I heard him call me, while I was in the bathroom styling my hair._

_"What's up, Jax?" Wondering what he was looking at._

_"Do you have a jacket I can wear? I'm kinda cold?"_

_"Uh, I think so. Check my bottom drawer."_

_"Anything In your closet?" And that's when I knew I was caught. I stopped messing with my hair, didn't reply, just slowly walked in to my closet._

_"Uh, maybe. They may be all girly, too small for my manly boyfriend." I was standing in the doorway, leaning against the wall._

_"Tara, how many shirts of mine do you have?" He said, not too mad, yet._

_"Uh, only seven or eight I think. And only two jackets."_

_"I thought I was losing my mind. I had Gemma get me tons of new clothes. She yelled at me for losing all my shirts. And here are all the missing items. I wish I knew my girlfriend was a thief before I started dating her." Now I knew he was joking._

_"I'm sorry! Really, I am! You just smell so good, I couldn't resist! I'm sorry, but do you know good you smell?"_

_"Well I shower regularly, and have cologne but I didn't think I smelled this good. Good God Tara, you're making a shrine of me in your closet!" Making another joke of the situation._

_"It's not a shrine! You just smell really good, and I wanted to smell you when you were gone. I really am sorry." I said, walking my way over to him and nuzzling my head into his chest. "Can you forgive me, baby?"_

_"As long as you don't out candles around the shirts, and tape up pictures of me around it, I can forgive you. You're too cute to stay mad at."_

_"Thank you," I said, reaching up on my tippy-toes to plant a kiss on his lips, "please don't tell Gemma."_

_"Your secret is safe with me."_

_"I was going to return them once they no longer smelled like you. I just put them in your hamper when you aren't looking, you've never known." I confessed._

_"Knowles, how long have you been doing this?"_

_"Let's see,we've been dating for what four of five months. So about four months, it's worked perfectly until now actually."_

_And then a moment later, he said, "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were dating me just for my hoodies." He teased._

_"Well, did you think I was dating you for your looks?" I teased back._

* * *

The rest of the party went off without a hitch. It was a perfect evening to spend with family and friends. I just hope Jax had as much fun at his party as I had. If it weren't for the MC the barbecue would of went into the wee hours of the morning. But Gemma and I knew we had to end the good times early. We said goodbye to everyone and made our way towards the motorcycle club, leaving the kitchen dirty until we returned.

Annoying Jax, Gemma made him ride with us in her Explorer to the club. The last thing she needed was a drunk teenage kid driving home on his motorcycle. We all piled in heading to the MC, to celebrate our birthday boy finally becoming an adult. I was just happy to be able to share this moment with him. He seemed so happy and full of joy. Gemma drove, Jackson and I in the middle row, and Donna &amp; Opie in the way back. It was just for a few more minutes.

"Hey, do me a favor?" I whispered into Jax's ear.

"Anything for you Knowles." He smiled back.

"Behave tonight, please, for me. I know it's your birthday, but I don't need to hear about any stripper stories, okay?" I pleaded with him.

"You have my word." He promised, and then kissed my hand confirming his words.

We rode in silence the rest of the way. I had Jax's word, which I trusted; it was the others Inwas worried about, the strippers and other drunk men. Most of them aren't in serious relationships, but Jax was. The others didn't have girlfriends of wives to worry about. One bad mistake with another girl and I was gone, Jax knows that. I had a pit of nervousness in my stomach. I trusted him completely, I always have, it's the slutty strippers that I don't trust.

The older club members greeted us there, most already three or four rounds of alcohol in. My boy was in for a hell of a night.

Clay, the president, poured each member and Jax and Opie one round of Jack Daniels, they then joined in for one semi-sober version of Happy Birthday and then slammed down round one. Luckily, the singing ended there. Seventeen more rounds continued. It was awful, I thought some of the men were going to black out before their party would begin. Jax was the opposite of an amateur, and he looked like he wanted to puke. It was an awful site. Gemma and I were debating if we should cancel the party and have them not go to the strip club. But the ones sober enough to still speak correct English insisted on going. So off they went.

The pit in my stomach grew.

The bus arrived and slowly all of the men staggered their way towards the entrance.

I stopped Jax and pulled him aside.

"Hey Teller, remember what I said, okay."

"**I know, I love you. Now I've said it sober and drunk, and you haven't said it once.**"

"Okay, go have fun birthday boy."

I wanted to say it then, but I knew he wouldn't remember it. Why waste saying I_ love _youif the other person isn't going to remember it? I knew I loved him, and I'm sure he knows it; I just have to admit it. If bad-ass biker Jackson Teller can admit he loves someone, damn it so can I.

We, Donna, Gemma and I, knew it would be hours before they returned so we decided not to worry. We baked treats in the clubhouse kitchen, which was an awkward situation in itself, Donna and I worked on some homework, and then eventually fell asleep. Waiting up for drunken men was not something I wanted to. Donna and I slept in the back apartment, we were sure the men staggering into the clubhouse would wake us, but they didn't. According to Gemma, they never came home.

She called the transportation company first to locate their whereabouts, there was no GPS on the bus, which meant there was no way to track the bus down unless it was seen on red-light cameras in intersections. Gemma then called the strip club, and bingo. The boys never left the club. All twenty or thirty of them passed out in the strip club, and none of the girls could wake them. The bouncers were actually scared of these men, so they slept. On the floor of a strip club. We quickly went from worried and confused to laughing and happy.

Us ladies could not stop laughing. We knew in that moment that they were too drunk to even enjoy the ladies, and also slept on the floor of a strip club. I was going to harass Jax about this for months to come, who wouldn't?

We insisted on not going to pick up the hungover men, that they could find their own way home. Which they did, they somehow put all their money together and hired themselves a limo, to drive them ten miles down the road. Lazy? I think so. 400 dollars down the drain.

Later that day,Jax drove me home. It was Sunday afternoon, and I knew I needed to head home. I had been at either the Teller house or the MC all weekend, eventually I would have to head home. And, I still had some leftover homework and studying to do.

I knew this was the only chance I would have at telling Jax the truth.

We were sitting on my couch, I decided to make lunch, and Jax decided to stay.

"Hey, I need to tell you something."

I guess I had that look on my face, because he had that look on his face.

"Babe, what happened? You have that look on your face, what happened?"

Did he think I was in danger? Did he think I was in trouble?

"I'm fine, it's not about me. It's about you."

"Tara, what did I do?"

The look on his face showed real terror. Did he think I was breaking up with him?

"I have to tell you something. It's going to make you mad, maybe at me. But it's not my fault. Remember that, okay. Promise me you'll remember that this isn't my fault, and that you shouldn't be mad at me. Because I'm only telling you because I love you. I love you too much to lie to you."

"Tara, I don't know what to say."

"On the way to your barbecue, Gemma , uh… Gemma told me that her and Clay are together and that he proposed. I'm sorry Jax, she made me promise not to tell you, she said that they wanted to wait until you we're already a prospect. But that meant lying to you, and I have a commitment with you, to be honest with you, not Gemma. I'm sorry that I had to be the one to tell you, it shouldn't be me. But I've been feeling so guilty, and I didn't want you to be mad at me. I wanted to tell you sooner, but I didn't want to ruin your birthday. I'm so sorry, Jax. Really. She put me in a tough spot, but I thought you should know the truth. I love you too much to lie and to hide things from you."

Tara finally let out a breath and waited for his response.

"Jax… say something, please."

He stood up and ran his fingers through his hair, "You love me? Tara Knowles, the future doctor, loves me Jackson Teller!" He ran over and scooped her up in his arms and kissed her passionately on the lips.

"I love you too, babe! I knew you wouldn't be able to resist this charm!" He kissed her again.

She couldn't help but laugh at the moment. "Jackson, did you hear anything that I just said?"

"Yes, unfortunately. I can't change Gemma's mind and I can't change Clay's. I know she's only marrying him so she'll stay queen bee and have access to the club. I don't like the guy, I think he's a selfish greedy prick, but he's the boss and I have to live with it. And, I know it must've taken a lot of guts to tell me the truth like that, go against my mom's wishes. That's how I know you really love me. I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at Gemma for putting this on you. Mad at you? How could I ever be mad at my girl?" And he kissed her again.

Tara could tell he was still pissed off at Gemma for lying and putting pressure on her, but she chose to ignore it. She just told Jax she was in love with him, and he was saying it back. They were happy.

The bad, the ugly, the really bad; it could all wait. They were celebrating their love for one another, their relationship, and each other, all the bull shit would have to wait.


	10. Chapter 10

_**To be honest, the ending of this chapter isn't my favorite. But, this was one of my favorite chapters to write to far. **_

_**I love the lovey-dovey J&amp;T scenes, but writing anger scenes with Jax, makes me all hot &amp; bothered. Even when he is killing a man, Jax Teller is the hottest man alive. He could be picking his nose, and I still wouldn't care. I love this man. **_

**_There are a few cute moments with Jax &amp; Tara, but we all know this chapter is dedicated to J &amp; his over-bearing mother. _**

**_I really hope you enjoy! Many more chapters to come! _**

* * *

"What the hell is wrong with you?! You go behind my back, and start hooking up with my president, lie to me about it, and then all of people you tell Tara? You tell my girlfriend before you tell me? I'm your fucking son! What the hell is wrong with you? Did you expect me not to find out? Did you really expect Tara not to tell me?" He yelled.

"I told that little bitch to keep her mouth shut. You can't trust her, Jackson!"

"Don't you ever call my girlfriend a bitch again, or I'll hurt you. I don't care if you're my mother. She told me the truth because we don't lie to each other, we don't keep secrets from each other! What the hell did you expect? I'd be pissed if she didn't tell me! Don't you dare be mad at her, be mad at yourself! What the hell is wrong with you? Did you really think I wouldn't find out? And then you tried to wait until I found so I would already be prospecting? So what? So I wouldn't be able to rebel? Fuck you."

He had never said that to Gemma, but at this point he didn't really care.

Jackson was livid; more than livid. He had never yelled at his mother like that, especially with all the cussing. He was taught to never disrespect his mother, and he normally never did. But, because he never disrespected her &amp; never stood his ground, she walked all over him, telling him what to do, say, how to act. Tonight, he couldn't take it anymore. There had to be a line drawn, of what she can and cannot do. Lying to him, going behind his back, trying to split apart him and Tara, all of those things crossed the line. She really meant nothing to club anymore, she may be "Queen Bee" but she's still just an Old Lady, just a wife of a member.

They were in the office of the garage, with everyone outside. Clay, along with every member and prospect of the club. Donna and Tara were sitting outside under the patio, trying to avoid the situation. Jax knew Donna was putting up with the same games that Tara was, he felt the need to defend her too.

Jax was tired of Gemma interfering with his relationship, she had been the from the start, he was just too oblivious to notice it, until Tara told him Gemma's secret.

* * *

_**1 hour earlier **_

She confessed after his birthday bash. She kept ranting on about how it wasn't her fault, his first thought was that she had somehow cheated on him, which would definitely cure his hangover. When the words "_**I love you**_" came out of his mouth, he stopped listening. He was too happy to care about anything else. He would never admit it, but he was scared to admit his love for her. So many things could have gone wrong, but when he first said at his birthday barbecue, when Tara debuted his beer cake, Jax knew in that moment that he was in love with Tara Knowles and always would be, no matter what their future may hold. And then when he said it when getting on the party bus, heavily drunk, he was scared. She still hadn't said it back, and that scared him more than joining the club. But, when those three little words came out of his mouth, he had never been happier.

Which is why, the anger and hatred towards Gemma and Clay didn't resonate in him until much later, when he had time to think about what Tara had told him. He was so overwhelmed with Tara, it didn't hit him until he was getting ready to leave his house.

"How long have you known?" He asked.

The couple was laying on Tara's couch, her head resting on his chest.

"She told me on the way to your barbecue. I was going to tell you then, but it would've ruined your party, which I didn't want for you."

"No, babe it's okay. I'm not mad at you. Just trying to understand Gemma, it's okay. I'm not mad." He kissed her head to confirm his feelings.

"I don't know why she would tell me, she knows that I would tell you."

"I don't know either, babe."

Tara hesitated and then asked, "Do you think she's trying to break us up?"

Jax began playing wit her hair, thinking carefully of his answer, "I wouldn't put it past her. I just like to think she would put my happiness before hers."

"I hope not, but you can't ignore the facts. She told me about the engagement, and then told me not to tell you. So I had to decide to tell you or not. Which only gave me two options, keep her secret and risk you being mad at me. Or tell her secret, and have her mad at me, and then she would convince you that I can't be trusted and to break up with me."

"I'm not breaking up with you, but I get where you're coming from."

They were silent for a while, Jax kept playing with Tara's hair to distract himself from his impending anger. Tara could tell he was getting more furious every second they remained at her house. If he didn't let out his anger, Jax would explode. It's how he his, it's how Tara always knows what he's thinking or how he's feeling. She would always be grateful for that, she knows how Opie holds everything in, not wanting to scare or hurt Donna with club business.

Tara was the first to stand up. Grabbing her purse, "Let's go, cmon."

He was obviously confused as to where she wanted to go.

"I know you, Jax. I know how you explode when you don't release your anger. The more you sit here with me, the more angry you're going to be. I know you need to talk to Gemma and sort this out. Now, I love you, let's go back to the clubhouse." Tara said, collecting his keys.

"God, I love you so much right now."

"Yeah I know," She said, then kissing him softly and lightly, "now let's go. The quicker we start this fight, the sooner it ends." She grabbed his hand outside, towards his parked motorcycle.

Tara would never how sexy he thought she was in this moment. He was so glad that she knew him so well. She knew what he needed, how his mind worked, and how he felt. They were already becoming a partnership, two bodies with one soul. He loved her so much.

Even though he had just taken her home almost two hours ago, they were headed back to the clubhouse, to air out his anger. If there was one thing Jax hated, it was lying and secrets. He liked the truth. He is a simple man, with simple needs and simple requests.

He pulled into the garage parking lot, with the other bikes. He was nervous about yelling to Gemma, but it was time. They were walking hand in hand, towards the garage office.

He pointed towards the sitting area underneath the patio, "Wait over there, babe. I don't want you getting involved."

He kissed her hand, and then let it go, making his way towards his mother.

She was sitting behind the desk, pouring over paperwork. He had to admit, without Gemma running the garage, there was no way this place would stay in business.

Jax barged right in, demanding her attention.

Using his stern voice, "We need to talk." And closed the door shut so no one else would hear their fight.

She immediately stopped what she was doing.

"What the hell is wrong with you?! You go behind my back, and start hooking up with my president, lie to me about it, and then all of people you tell Tara? You tell my girlfriend before you tell me? I'm your fucking son! What the hell is wrong with you? Did you expect me not to find out? Did you really expect Tara not to tell me?" He yelled.

"I told that little bitch to keep her mouth shut. You can't trust her, Jackson!"

"Don't you ever call my girlfriend a bitch again, or I'll hurt you. I don't care if you're my mother. She told me the truth because we don't lie to each other, we don't keep secrets from each other! What the hell did you expect? I'd be pissed if she didn't tell me! Don't you dare be mad at her, be mad at yourself! What the hell is wrong with you? Did you really think I wouldn't find out? And then you tried to wait until I found so I would already be prospecting? So what? So I wouldn't be able to rebel? Fuck you."

He had never said that to Gemma, but at this point he didn't really care.

Jackson was livid; more than livid. He had never yelled at his mother like that, especially with all the cussing. He was taught to never disrespect his mother, and he normally never did. But, because he never disrespected her &amp; never stood his ground, she walked all over him, telling him what to do, say, how to act. Tonight, he couldn't take it anymore. There had to be a line drawn, of what she can and cannot do. Lying to him, going behind his back, trying to split apart him and Tara, all of those things crossed the line. She really meant nothing to club anymore, she may be "Queen Bee" but she's still just an Old Lady, just a wife of a member.

They were in the office of the garage, with everyone outside. Clay, along with every member and prospect of the club. Donna and Tara were sitting outside under the patio, trying to avoid the situation. Jax knew Donna was putting up with the same games that Tara was, he felt the need to defend her too.

Jax was tired of Gemma interfering with his relationship, she had been the from the start, he was just too oblivious to notice it, until Tara told him Gemma's secret.

"Maybe you're the one that can't be trusted! Dad dies so you go can find the next club president to suck off and put a ring on your finger. How long have you been hiding this from me?" He demanded an answer.

"Jackson! You do not speak to me like that! I am your mother and I demand respect from you!"

"Going from one club president to the next isn't a way to get my respect! Now answer my question, how long have you been hiding your relationship from me?" He asked, growing angrier and more violent every minute.

"We've been hooking up on off for a few years, but we started dating six months. He loves me Jackson, and I love him. He was there for me after JT died and somewhere along the way, it turned into more. Now you will respect me and my choices, and you will respect him. He is your President, he deserves your respect."

"He's nothing to me. I'm not in the club, Gemma! Respect is the last thing he's going to get from me."

"Jackson, what are you saying?"

"I'm saying, I'm sure not sure I want to prospect under a guy who's fucking my mother."

"You do not talk to me like that, Jackson! You can be mad at me all you want, but you will not take this out on him. This is between me and you, son."

"You should have told me about this when it first happened! I should not be hearing about this from my girlfriend! What the hell were you thinking!? Did you really think I wouldn't be pissed about this? Out of all the guys in Charming, you pick to start fucking my future boss!"

"I didn't plan it this way, Jackson, and you know that! Why the hell can't you just be happy for me for once?"

"Because you always put your happiness before anyone else's. You telling Tara the truth, and then making her promise to keep her mouth shut, proves my point. If you really cared about me, you would've came to me directly! You know how much I hate liars."

"I care about you Jackson! I've done everything for you! I'm doing this for you! I'm marrying him for you!"

"How does you fucking someone, and then marrying him benefit me? No, fuck you. You're marrying Clay so you can stay Queen Bee. Don't you dare make this sham of a marriage about me just to clear your conscious. You may think you're Queen Bee, but you're just another Old Lady who has no say what goes on in church. I'm fucking done with you." He made his way to the door, and then said one last thing.

"Cut this shit out. Stop messing with my relationship, it's obviously not working. Whether you like it or not, Tara is apart of my life, and she's not going anywhere. If you don't apologize to Tara, I'll never speak to you again. Because now, she's my only family."

He walked out of the office, leaving Gemma speechless at what her son had just said. He knew she felt like her heart had been ripped out of its chest.

Jackson knew he dropped the f-bomb way too many times, but in order to your point across with Gemma, you had to be stern. Part of him ached to go back into the office and apologize to his mother. He was raised better than that. He would never yell and disrespect a woman like that, especially his mother. If Gemma caught him speaking to Tara like that, he would be the one with belt marks on his back.

He knew the family comment was a little too far- Gemma and Jax had been through hell together. First she had to bury her son before he had a chance to grow up, then her husband was in Ireland practically every months screwing some whore, and then he died a few years later. They had both seen a lot of shit, they needed each other. But, Gemma needed to realize that Tara was becoming family too. Jax had never been serious about a girl, and the fact that he finally was, showed major signs. He would never bring a girl around the clubhouse if he didn't have feelings for her, Gemma knew that, and so did everyone else. He would never bring one of the school sluts around this place, they aren't strong enough to handle club shit.

Maybe Gemma was jealous, that another girl was taking his heart. She had to have known this was coming eventually. It's the natural cycle of life: meet a boy, fall in love, get married, have a few kids, they grow up, start dating, boy meets girl, boy falls in love with girl, they get married, have a few kids, etc. Did she really think that her son would never fall in love with someone?

He knew he was harsh, way too harsh, but all of it was true. It was time for Gemma to stop meddling in everyone's business. She will, again, be an Old Lady. Doesn't matter if she's Queen Bee or not, she's not a member of the club. She doesn't ride, she doesn't have a vote, she may be a major influencer, but she's not a SAMCRO member. She's just an Old Lady. And it was about time that someone put her in place. And Jax felt bad that it had to be him, but maybe he as the perfect person to do so. Jax was one of the few people Gemma would actually listen to.

He prayed, to whatever God he didn't believe in, that she got the message. He really did not want to have to yell at his mother a second time; the first was hard enough.

Jax was out of the office, walking towards Tara and his bike. He could tell there were at least forty sets of eyes on him, all gossiping about the fight they just heard between him and his mother. But he didn't give a fuck about what other people thought, there was only one person whose opinion mattered, the reason he just yelled at his mother, the woman he is in love with.

His eyes were set on hers. She could see the pain in eyes. She could tell that he already felt guilty about what he said, but they both knew it was the right decision.

"If you ever talk to your mother like that again, I'll kill ya." A familiar voice said, as someone grabbed Jax's arm.

"Clay, if you ever lay a hand on me again or talk to me about MY mother I will kill you myself. And that's a promise. Now get the fuck off me."

Jax shoved his arm out of Clay's grasp, walked away from the confrontation. The last thing he needed was to start a fight with the club president. He would never be able to prospect then, even if his mom was screwing him.

He was too fired up to think quickly, he needed to get out the clubhouse area, as quickly as possible. The longer he stayed, the higher risk of Jax pouring his fist into someone's face. These members may be older than him, but Jax has been fighting since he was sent to the principal's office in the 3rd grade. And he was damn good at it too. Jax Teller couldn't do many things well, the only thing he knew how to do well was outlaw.

* * *

Tara knew that he loved her. It was obvious to anyone who spent time around the couple, they could never keep their hands off each other, whether it was to cuddle kiss, or just be next to each other. And they constantly had to be together. It was young love at its finest.

They had said I love to each other, they were clearly a couple in love. Jax could say the three magic words a million times, and Tara would never truly know the extent of his love. He just told off his mom, with as many f-bombs as possible, threatened the club president in front of a large crowd, all for one girl, his girl. He never thought he would stand up to his mom like that, he loved her too much to disobey Gemma. But when someone interferes with your relationship, that's when it's time to say something. He was madly in love with Tara Knowles, he knew he was in love with her before he really knew it.

Things would never be the same between him and his biker family, but as long as he had Tara beside him, Jax had all the family he would ever need.


	11. Chapter 11

_**I still have no idea where I'm planning on take this story, hence the reason for the long wait for chapter ten.**_

_**I know I want to flash-forward to when Jax and Tara are adults, but that won't happen for a while.**_

_**This is J&amp;T taking their relationship a little further, not all the way. **_

_**Thanks for sticking with me on this journey.**_

_**I do this, all the story writing, character building, plot brainstorming, and story research for J&amp;T. I give them the happiness they never got a chance to really have.**_

_**So this is for you, J&amp;T.**_

* * *

I love Jackson Teller. I knew it in my soul; my love for this man starts at my core. It is solid and it is real.

He loves me. I know this now, I know he loves me.

He loves the club. I've known this forever, the club his is family. I know he loves SAMCRO.

But does my love cost him his love of SAMCRO? Can him loving, cause him to drift away from his true love?

He may love me, but I was not his first love. Jackson Teller's first love was a Harley, and his second was SAMCRO. Loving me, was his third true love.

I wanted this man to love me, but not at the expense of the club.

He needs the club. SAMCRO is his life, it's all he knows. What would happen if it was taken from him? Who would he be without SAMCRO? Could he love me without a cut? Could Jax be the person I love, the person I know he is, with out a Sons of Anarchy patch?

Jax had yelled at his mom for the bullshit she pulled, and I was glad. It was time for Gemma to learn, to understand that I'm not going anywhere.

I wasn't happy about the look Jax have me, after leaving her office at the garage.

I knew Gemma would be hurt, and I could tell Jax already was.

Gemma was his world, and she still is. She is the only blood family that Jax has left.

Saying that I was the only family he had left, must have crushed them both. Family is so important to the Teller's; no one comes in between family. And that was exactly what I was doing, unintentionally.

He walked over to me, grabbed my hand, and kissed it.

He was silent, upset at the actions that just happened.

He needed to get away.

We walked over to his motorcycle, with everyone staring at us, and then left.

I'm sure this looked like my fault to everyone else, and maybe it is. I'm not sure.

Before me, Gemma and Jax were two peas in a pod. An inseparable pair. And in comes one girl, and their world is flipped upside down.

I felt bad. The last thing I wanted to do was come in between Gemma and her son. All I wanted to do was love Jax. I didn't want to hurt anyone else in the process.

The ride over to my house was silent, like normal. It's a little hard to have a conversation on a running motorcycle. But this silent, wasn't like the normal silence. It was obvious that Jax was hurting, and didn't want me to feel at blame. He didn't want to share the guilt. He wanted to protect me.

Silly boys, hiding the truth from your woman never does any good.

We already know the truth before you even tell us.

My dad's Cutlass wasn't in the driveway, meaning I was home alone.

Jax parked the motorcycle in the driveway, and we sat in silence for a while. Neither of us knowing what to say.

"Thank you, Jax. I appreciate it."

He nodded, "Yeah."

It was very obvious he had no intention of expressing his feelings at the moment. And I knew better than to pry; it only makes the situation worse. He would open up and tell me everything when he was ready.

"Do you want to get out of here? Pick up a bottle and just go blow some steam? We can go to that spot you took me too." It was the only thing that came to mind.

He nodded and handed me the helmet.

He looked me in the eye for just a millisecond, just long enough for me to see the pain in his eyes.

My heart tugged at his pain. The last thing I wanted to do was see him hurting.

He pulled over at the Quick Fill-Up gas station a few miles from my house, and picked up two bottles of Jack Daniels because what other alcohol would Jax drink. He was strong, and intense and needed a drink to match it.

And soon enough, Jax was pulling off on that old, familiar dirt road. I was grateful that he shared his secret spot with me. It meant he trusted me, and in that moment I promised myself I would do whatever necessary to always keep that trust.

Jax parked the bike, and we walked over to the creek, just like we had four months before.

I didn't say anything at first, waiting for him to open up. Instead, I just stared up at the sky. It was a full moon tonight, and out here almost every star was visible.

It was just us two, and a million stars.

We passed the bottle back and forth, without speaking; just enjoying the whisky.

A few more sips of the alcohol, and some time later, we were both drunk, our veins filled with alcohol, and temporarily pain free.

"Okay, Jax, imagine us ten years from now. Where are we?" I asked, unsuccessfully trying to unzip my jacket.

"You and me, we're gonna be banging in some public bathroom somewhere."

"I'm serious, Jax!" I yelled, playfully hitting him in the ribs, "Ten years from now, tell me what you see!"

He pondered for a minute, taking another swig of Mr. Daniels before answering.

"Ten years from now, you're going to be my Old Lady, a big, hotshot doctor waiting for me to get out of prison." He paused, "That's what I see."

I had no idea how to respond, and I wasn't even sober. I grabbed the bottle of Jack outside of his hands, and chugged the small amount of what remained. My mouth was burning, but I didn't care.

All I cared about was his response, and the fact that he wanted me to be his Old Lady. My heart skipped a beat. He remembered my dream, and he acknowledged that he wanted me to make it come true. I decided to not think about him in prison right now, that could wait.

I stood up, letting the alcohol flow through me.

"What are you doing? Sit down with me."

"No I don't wanna sit." I said, looking around at the dark nothingness around us.

"Hey, wanna do something fun?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Babe, we have two different definitions of fun." He said, giving me a smirk. I knew he wouldn't pressure me to have sex while we were drunk, Jax wasn't like that.

I slipped off my unzipped jacket, took off my shoes, making Jax very confused on what I was thinking. "Cmon, get undressed boy. Last one in the water has to buy another bottle." I was already half naked, just standing in my bra and panties.

"I'll even wait until you're undressed. I wouldn't want you to lose to a girl unfairly."

The alcohol was making me feel brave, and I liked it.

"Oh you want to play like this, okay!" Jax said, with that devil-ish smile on his face, that I loved so much, and started to quickly undress.

We were standing next to each other, both one article of clothing away from nakedness.

"Hey, even though you're going to lose, I still love you." I teased.

His face instantly changed from playful to serious, Jax gently cupped my face, "I love you, Tara. I'm always going to love you."

"I'm right here, Jax. I love you too, always." I said, reassuring him.

And right then, his lips planted on mine, full of passion, lust, and whisky. His tongue pressed against my lips, inviting me to open them. His tongue swirled against mine, I could taste the alcohol on his tongue, and the cigarette on his lips. I hated his smoking habit, but right now I didn't think twice about it; I wanted him too much.

My hands were in his long blonde hair, tugging on his locks, turning him on. As the kiss pressed on, I could feel his hands exploring my bare back. The skin on skin contact made my heart skip a beat, and made goosebumps appear. I was so turned on, anxious, horny and nervous all at once. My hands slowly left his blond locks and traced the rugged outline of his arms and chest. I pulled away from his lips, to kiss and suck on his puffed out chest. At the ripe age of 18, his chest was already outlined from heavy lifting and intense fighting. I moved upwards from his chest, to his neck, causing him to moan out loud.

"God, Tara!" He yelled out.

I continued my sexy attack on his neck, and slowly moved towards his right ear. I kissed his earlobe once, and then bit down, in a gentle and playful way, and then tugged; driving him mad. My teeth pulling on his raw skin, my hands sliding up and down his muscular shaped arms. I ended my patterned attack of kiss-kiss-suck on his upper body, and then moved back to where I started. I plunged my lips onto his, continuing our steamy make out session.

As I felt his strong hands travel to my almost-bare chest, I lost my breath at the unfamiliar feeling. As Jax squeezed on my hard nipples, I bit and tugged on his lower lip. When he released on my nipple, I released his lip. He then attacked my lips, wanting to continue the steamy kiss. I pulled on his hair once again, and I could feel him moan, mid-kiss.

I pulled away then, leaving him wanting more. Out of breath, I traced his bottom lip with my thumb.

For a pure virgin, I had to admit, I was pretty good at this sexy thing.

"I'd love to continue this, but I have a race to win." I said, before racing and plunging into the cold river.

Right as I screamed out of thrill, I heard him plunge into the water. I swam away, waiting for him to catch me.

We were young, wild &amp; free.

And in that moment, there was nothing else I wanted more: to be with Jax.

I had never known a thrill like this before: drunken skinny dipping with the person I love most.

This was exciting. It was exhilarating. It was two young people, enjoying their freedom.

We were young, free and in love.

* * *

The fight between Gemma and Jax ended at around six, right before the club was throwing a family dinner. Between Jax and Opie getting ready to prospect, the new school year starting, and a member in jail; Clay wanted the family together.

But no one was expecting the argument.

After Jax left with Tara, everyone was stunned. They had no idea what to do or say. No one had ever heard Jax speak like that. No one knew what Jax had in him, especially not Gemma. They were all speechless.

Gemma was the first to speak. "I have a few more things to pick up at the store for dinner tonight. I expect everyone at my house at eight-o-clock sharp, don't be late." And with that, she was off.

Clay approached her, trying to comfort her in anyway. He knew that she would a wreck after that fight. But she shoved him, avoiding his contact. "I'm fine."

Everyone knew not to mess with Gemma when she was pissed. And after that fight, no one could tell if she was furious or devastated.

All they knew was that they were to leave her alone.

By the time the dinner started, she would be fine. She had to be, for the sake of the club. She wouldn't let the members see the Queen Bee knocked off her pedestal. She had to be strong, for them.

At 7:50, everyone had arrived, except Jax and Tara. Gemma made everyone wait until 8:15, just incase they were running late. She still couldn't admit how hurt she was.

Clay have her a look, and she gave in. "Eat, eat! The food's getting cold, eat!" Gemma insisted.

9:00, there was still no sign of the couple. Clay wasn't worried, he knew the boy well enough by now, that he needed his space, time to clear his head. He knew Jax would show up when he was ready. The teenage boy also had a tendency to party, nine was still early for Jax to come home.

At 10, Gemma was continuing to worry about her sort of-estranged son. Normally, she wouldn't worry at this hour. He was a teenage boy, they tend to stay out late. But after their fight, she knew Jax would be upset. She couldn't help but worry. She just wanted to know he was safe. An enraged teenager, with a motorcycle and the ability to buy alcohol equals a bad combination. She couldn't even enjoy the dinner she slaved over, she was so overcome with worry.

At 11:30, no one could calm her down. Gemma wanted her son, she wanted him home safe. Clay knew that there was little to worry over, but he had to calm his wife. The couple began interrogating his best friend, Opie, about where Jax could have possibly gone. Unfortunately for them, no one else knew about Jax's secret getaway, except Tara.

"Opie, I need you to tell me where he is!"

"Gemma, I'm telling you, I don't know. The only places we hang, are here and the clubhouse. He spends more time with Tara these days than me."

"Damn, bitch. I knew she couldn't be trusted! Look at what she's done to this family."

"Gemma, this ain't her fault. Let's just take a breath, and take a step back. We gotta think on this. Teenagers aren't complicated, we just gotta think like Jax." Clay stepped in to say.

"Of course this is her fault! None of this would be happening if she wasn't here! Stupid bitch!"

"He loves her, Gemma! I know you don't want to accept it, but she's is in his life now! She's a part of this club now. You got to accept it sometime, babe. She's good for him, makes him think clearly. He'll be able to use that as an advantage when he's patched in." Clay assured his wife.

"I still don't like her. Why couldn't he just hook up with those damn crow-eaters? Why did he have to go for some uptight, smart-ass bitch?"

"We both know she's not uptight. An uptight bitch wouldn't last a day around the club, their first date, and she was brought here when we were on lockdown. She was calm, and wasn't reactive. And we both know that if Jax ended up with some slut, that they last a month, before it ended in flames. Those crow-eaters don't love us, they love our cuts. This girl, Tara, she loves Jax. Isn't that what's important? She's gonna be good for him, and for the club, babe. Just stop worrying, we'll find him." Clay said.

* * *

If anyone would ever say that Clay was defending any one other than Gemma, they would laugh their ass off. This was a first, even he was surprised that the words were coming out of his mouth. But, he was right.

Tara was good for him, any one could see it. She was a smart girl, she wasn't a reactive type of girl. She thought about situations, before pursuing a solution. She was rubbing off on Jax, he thought better under pressure because of her, he was light on his feet, and thought before reacting. Everyone knew that they were great together; Gemma just had to admit it.

Gemma had to admit that her son, wasn't a baby anymore. He had grown up, and fallen in love. She would never be ready.

Clay was never a mushy guy, he was utterly surprised at himself for what he was saying about Tara. But he knew love when he saw it.

"I'll have a few prospects go and see if they can find them. And if not, we'll just call Unser. It's gonna be fine, baby." Clay said, as he grabbed his wife and embraced her into a hug.

"Yeah, okay." She agreed.

"Check the bars outside of town; check JT's grave, he likes to go there to think; go to Tara's house just incase. He may just be cruising around with Tara. Let me know what you find." And then he dismissed the two prospects and two recently patched members on this chase.

All the other members left, either back to the clubhouse or to some trashy strip club. 11:30 was too early for them to go home. According to them, the night was young.

Clay and Gemma sat impatiently on their bed, waiting for their phone to ring.

* * *

Even though he was way past drunk, Jax knew he would be in trouble for staying out so late without calling anyone. But, this was the '90s, and his parents wouldn't buy him a cell. He knew he should've gone to the dinner, to make amends with Gemma. But he was too pissed to look at her.

He wanted to let go of all the built-up anger; he wanted to have fun. He wanted to act his age for once, and not worry about his mom, the club or his impending long year of prospecting.

He knew he would get an ass-whooping once the day broke, but he didn't care.

His girlfriend, was half-naked right in front of him. He decided to live in the moment, and deal with the consequences later. He was living his life.

The cold water woke him up, refreshed his sober mind. It didn't cure the buzz, but it definitely made him aware of his actions.

He couldn't help but smile, when he saw Tara emerge from underneath the water.

"Looks like you're buying the next bottle, Teller."

"Hell, if it means you look like this, I'll buy every bottle." Jax said, checking out her sweet body.

He had never had sex in the creek before, and he definitely wanted to. But he was drunk, and she was a virgin, who was also drunk. He didn't want her first time to be sloppy, so he decided to stop pressing her on it.

But with her white bra veining see-through, he found himself fighting the urge. And then her bra strap fell, and he had to dunk himself under water just to contain himself. If he had to fight this hard drunk, he could only imagine how hard this would be when he was sober.

When he was above water, he shocked to see his girlfriend completely naked.

"I think you're missing some clothes, darlin'!" He pointed out.

"They were wet, they serve no purpose now."

"Do you know how drunk we are?" He teased.

"This is the first time I've been completely drunk, so no!" She said, as she splashed water into his face.

He could no longer resist the urge to be inside of her; he had to have her.

"With the moonlight shining on you, and the water all over your skin… I gotta have you Tara." He pleaded.

"You can have me, if you can catch me." She teased. She would never know the internal fight he was dealing with.

She swam away so fast that, he didn't even have time to grab her.

* * *

It was now past midnight, and no one had called Clay. Now he was getting worried, about his son and his members.

It was time to call Unser.

He dreaded it, but it had to be done.

"Hey, I need a favor. It's for Gemma." Clay said to the police chief.

* * *

He had caught her with ease, she wasn't a very good swimmer. At least not drunk.

Their teasing, playful conversation had turned into an intense moment within a second.

She was underwater when he grabbed her. And when they emerged from under the water together, their faces were inches from one another.

She was staring at his lips, her eyes moving back and forth from his eyes, to his wet lips. She knew what he was thinking, and what he wanted. She just didn't know if this was the time to give in.

He made the first move, and attacked her lips in the same way he did before.

Somehow the skinny dipping, and the water made their make out session much more intimate. Something about dreading water while naked.

She dipped his face gently, focusing on the kiss. While her hands stayed in one place, Tara could feel his hands softly traveling towards her bare, wet thighs. And, she liked the way it felt.

He pulled away then, right when her leg hair began to rise.

"Tara, I'm gonna slip a finger in. Tell me if you what you stop, okay?"

Instead of responding with words, she attacked his lip, by fiercely biting it and then rubbing tongue against his. She was feeling courageous and wild, and she definitely didn't want him to stop.

He was running his hands along her thighs, and then when the moment was right, he pushed two fingers inside her wet, tight pussy. He began quickly moving his fingers inside and out, causing Tara to pull away from their kiss to really feel the pleasure. He thrusts his finger inside me, and she cries out as he does it again and again and again, causing her to feel everything. He places his palm against her clitoris, and she moans out once more. He pushes inside her harder and harder, and she let out another moan.

Even though she was had never had an orgasm, with every moan, she became closer. She could feel her body be overcome with insane feelings of pressure. A shiver was sent through her spine, and she couldn't help but let out a continuous chain of moans as her boys reached an orgasm. When she finally climaxed, and Jax removed his fingers, Tara collapsed his arms.

It was then, in that moment of post-orgasm, that Jax noticed the blue and red lights shining against the water.

* * *

"Shit, Tara. I'm so sorry." He said, when he realized that they'd been caught.

She turned around then, finally seeing what he saw. One cop car, two police officers, and two prospects of SAMCRO.

She was mortified. The moment she saw four strange men staring at her naked, post-orgasm body, she was no longer drunk. Tara could not believe what these men just saw, who knew how long they'd been standing there, watching her reach an orgasm. What disgusting men that they watch two teenagers be intimate. _Disgusting, _she thought.

"Tara, baby, I'm so sorry." Jax said, as they began to swim towards the shore.

She was greeted at the shore with a warm blanket and handcuffs.

"Tara Knowles, you're under arrest for public intoxication, underage consumption of alcohol, and public indecency, you have the right to remain silent…." As the officer began to read her her rights, Tara began to silently cry.

She looked over at Jax, as he was being handcuffed by other officer. The two prospects were laughing hysterically as they called Clay, to inform them of their arrest. She was humiliated.

They were silent on the way to the Charming police station. She was too embarrassed to even look at Jax.

The police car pulled up at the station, and Tara could already see Gemma's Explorer in he lot. She hung her head in shame; just another reason for Gemma to hate her.

This was a glimpse into the future of Jax's future, and Tara didn't even see it.

As the officer walked guided her past the lobby, she could feel everyone staring at her: the naked and drunk teenage girl. She could see Gemma giving her a death stare, out of the corner of her eyes.

Tara just wanted to run and hide.

She had to get her fingerprints in the system, her mug shot taken, before the thought of bail even crossed her mind. She had no money to post bail for herself. Her dad would never come to bail her out. She was screwed.

She hung her head and cried in the dark cell.

It was almost 1 AM when they got picked up, and almost 2 AM before she was put into the holding cell.

* * *

She cried herself to sleep, and woke at 7 AM when Chief Unser was shoving her awake. Someone had posted her bail. Since it was her first offense, Tara got off with just a warning, although the arrest would stay on her permanent record. Tara was ashamed of her arrest, it would be visible to anyone. She needed to get home.

"Who posted my bail? I didn't call anyone."

"Someone paid anyways." Unser responded.

"Why would someone pay for me?"

"Ask her for yourself. She's in the lobby."

Tara knew who had bailed her out jail, and she wished that she would be able to go back in the cell and hide. The last thing she wanted to do was talk to Gemma.

Unser walked her to the lobby of the police station, and then pointed her in Gemma's direction.

Tara walked over to the woman as slow as possible, wanted to a life he confrontation.

"So, I, uh heard you bailed me out. Thanks."

"I may not like you very much, but I couldn't leave you in there. You're lucky my son loves you enough to convince me."

"Thanks, I appreciate it."

"Yeah.." Gemma's way of saying "You're welcome".

"I'll pay you back, for every cent. I promise."

"Don't worry about it, it was nothing. Now Jax's bail, that was a different story."

"About him, I'm so sorry about the fight. I don't want you to hate me."

"Not here. We'll talk later. Let's go." Gemma said, walking towards the exit.

Tara looked around the lobby, never wanting to be standing in this room again. She couldn't help but notice Jax wasn't here.

"Gemma, where's Jax?"

"Don't worry, I bailed him out. He just doesn't know it yet. He's gonna sit in there for a while, give him some time to think."

Tara nodded, not wanting to make the Queen Bee any more angry at her.

Tara would now be always in debt to Gemma Morrow, and that was never a good thing. She wished Jax were here, to comfort her.

"Let's get out of here." Gemma said, again.

"Yes ma'am."

_As she walked through the police station doors, she promised herself that she would never walk through these doors again._


	12. Chapter 12

_**This chapter was actually really fun to write. As much as I love writing lovey &amp; mushy scenes for J&amp;T, these confused skinny-love scenes were great too! **_

**_Sorry if the Gemma-Jax scenes sound a little weird! Gemma never really parents and disciplines Jax on the show, so it was a little weird writing a scene where he is scolded and grounded. _**

**_And I love badass Tara! Standing up for her man! _**

**_This is a long chapter, hope you enjoy!_**

**_Leave reviews and comments if you wish, let me know what you think! _**

* * *

I had been on a cleaning frenzy. I needed to concentrate on something other than the chief of police seeing me naked, in a creek, with Jackson Teller. I needed to focus on something other than being arrested. I needed to thinking about something other than my future career as a doctor was now tarnished. I needed to focus on something other than crying out of frustration.

Luckily, since Gemma bailed me out of jail, my father still had no idea about the arrest and the charges.

I shuddered when I started to wonder what my father would do to me if he found out about my arrest.

Ever since the arrest two days ago, I've been making sure to lock my door. If Stephen, my father, somehow found out about the arrest while drinking, I actually think I may die. Being arrested for underage drinking, public indecency, and being drunk in public, would most definitely ruin his image for the perfect daughter.

But what I feared most, was not my alcoholic abusive father, no, it was somehow losing Jackson over this arrest.

I was furious with him. At first I blamed him what happened to us.

I couldn't believe he would let me skinny dip and get intimate with him in a public place, and drink. I was furious that he didn't protect me. I was upset that because of him, I was arrested.

I thought like that during my time in the slammer, but once I arrived home. My thinking shifted.

I was an independent woman. I made my own choices. Jax would never pressure me to do anything I didn't want to do. Sex was the perfect example, he is the one who wanted to wait. He wanted to protect me from violence, from the evil.

It was my idea to get drunk. It was my idea to run away from our problems for one night. It was my idea to go swimming, while drunk. It was my idea to go skinny dipping, in public, while drunk. I was the one who teased him with my body. And I let him finger me.

Jax was not to blame; I was.

I think I was so mad at him after being arrested, because I was lying to myself. I was to blame for this whole mess, and I didn't want to believe that.

I was letting my guard down, and I was upset at myself for letting a boy influence me so much.

I had no right to be mad at Jax. I should be on my hands and knees thanking him for convincing Gemma to bail me out of jail.

I needed to thank the Morrow's for being so kind to me.

* * *

_**Two days earlier **_

I was so worried about her. She wasn't like this. She wasn't supposed to be like this. She was supposed to be influencing me, to be a better person. I wasn't supposed to be influencing her to break the law. This was all my fault.

As I sat alone in my jail cell, all I could think about was what I was going to say when she broke up with me.

This was the longest relationship I ever had, hell this was the most meaningful relationship I shared with anyone. No one mattered to me as much as she did. _Sorry Gemma and Opie_. I didn't want her to leave. I didn't want to say goodbye.

But I knew it was coming.

What girl would stay with their boyfriend who was to blame for their arrest?

I put my head in hands and began to cry.

The best thing that had ever happened to me was walking away and there was nothing I could do. I was locked up; it's not the first time and I know it won't be the last.

I could hear Gemma saying now, _"If she can't handle a simple arrest like public intoxication, she won't be able to handle the long jail time. She's not Old Lady material, Jax. Better to get rid of her now, baby." _

God, I hated when she was right.

I knew I needed to save her, just one last time. "Unser! Unser! Unser!" I continued to scream.

When the old man finally walked down to my cell, I convinced him to call Gemma on the wall phone for me.

"Mom, it me, Jax. Look, I know you're pissed at me and you have every right to be. I know I should've showed up at dinner, I know I should've called. I know I shouldn't have gotten drunk. I wasn't thinking. I messed up, I know. But, Tara, she doesn't belong in here. This isn't who she is. She doesn't have anyone to bail her out, mom. If her dad finds out about this, he's gonna kill her. You know that. Please, please for me, get her out of here before he finds out. Please mom, this one time, I need to look past my bullshit and help her."

"You keep messing up Jackson, and you're not going to have anyone to save." Gemma said.

I moved slightly so I was now laying on my back, trying to fall asleep; but she haunted my dreams. Her laugh, her smile, her kiss; she was haunting me, and we haven't been officially broken up yet.

I must've been asleep for hours, because when Unser finally came to unlock my cell, the sun was beginning to set.

"Wake up, Teller. Your mom's here."

"Perfect." I murmured. As much as I wanted out of this fucking cell, the last person I wanted to talk to was Gemma. I needed to see Tara.

I needed to convince her that I was sorry, that I loved her, that I didn't plan any of this. I needed to convince her to stay with me.

I ducked my head down as I did the walk of shame to the police station lobby, avoiding stares from Gemma.

"Thanks Unser, I got it from here." I heard her say.

The walk to her car was silent, and I was hoping the ride home would be too. But Gemma couldn't possibly keep her mouth shut that long.

She turned the corner, so we were officially out of ear shot of the police when she finally began yelling.

"How fucking dare you disrespect me like this? I throw a family dinner, and you decide to skip it, then you don't call. Do know how freaked out I was? And then when we called Unser, he didn't even believe us at first because we had to explain that you do this sort of thing all the time! And then the prospects find you three fingers deep in pussy! What the hell is wrong with you? Do you even think before doing something?"

"Where is she? Where is Tara?" I said, not even acknowledging the wrath Gemma was giving me.

"Of course, I just bail you out of jail and the first thing you think of is pussy, typical."

"Will you stop referring to my girlfriend as just 'pussy' just once? I love her, mom! We both know she isn't just some slut hanging around me for my patch. Now, where the hell is she? Did you leave her in there? We have to go back! Turn around!" He yelled, scaring Gemma.

"Jackson Teller, you need to calm down. You keep yelling at me and I'll make sure you never see her again."

He took a breath, "Where the hell is she? I need to talk to her."

"She's at her house. I bailed her out early this morning. You're welcome, by the way."

"Wait, you bailed her out, but not me?"

"No, I bailed you both out at the same time. Clay and I agreed you will work to pay us back for the bail money."

"Whatever, I don't care about the money, I care about her. Drive me to her house, I need – wait, you let me sit in jail all day, for what? Because you were pissed at me for skipping your precious dinner? What the fuck?" He began to yell.

"I let Unser keep you in there because you need to remember who you're speaking to. You may not like my choices, you may not like Clay, but you will respect me, you will respect him as your stepfather and as your President, and keep your hateful opinions to your self. I'm tired of it! I'm marrying Clay, get used to it. Stop bitching about it and deal with it.

You need to remember that I am your mother, and you will not speak to me this way. I don't know why you're being so rebellious lately, and why you feel you can speak to me this way, but it needs to end. Maybe it's because of that little bitch that is your girlfriend, but the disrespect ends now. You will show up for work everyday, without complaint, and your pay will be used to pay me back for your bail. You will not skip school, you will not go out. Understood?"

"Yeah." I said as I clenched my sift, trying to hide my anger.

I couldn't even look at her. How was she putting her love for a man before her son? Her only family left was being thrown under the bus. I was furious. I know I've been a dick lately to her, but for her to put Clay first… Mother of the Year.

I couldn't even look at her.

I needed to get out of this car. I needed a smoke, and a drink. All this anger was building up, and I needed to let it out before I punched someone. I needed to get out this car.

I really wanted to see Tara.

A few minutes alter, while we were driving in silence, we passed Tara's street, and my heart burst. She was probably sitting at home, thinking of the easiest way to let me down and break my heart.

I was so angry at myself for putting her in this position. If I wasn't such an emotional bitch, I could've prevented all of this.

"Turn around." I said, "Turn around now, I need to see her."

"I don't think that's a good idea, Jackson. You didn't see her earlier. She was so upset and confused. I think you need to give her some space."

"I need to talk to her. I need to know we're okay. I'm so confused, mom."

"I'm sure she's just as confused you. You both need space. You can talk at school."

I didn't know what to think. I was so mad at Gemma for marrying Clay, but I needed to talk to her so badly. I needed advice, I needed to know what to say to Tara. I needed to vent, and I sure as hell couldn't tell my best friend all of my girly feelings. Tara is who I tell everything to, and now that I can't talk to her, I might just combust. I was so lost without her, and I hadn't even lost her yet.

I just nodded, to let Gemma know that I agreed.

It was probably better to talk to Tara when I knew what I was going to say. I can picture myself saying the wrong thing, and ruining whatever small chance I still have. I needed something grand to apologize with, to show how sorry I am, to show her how much I love her, how much she means to me.

* * *

_**Monday, yesterday **_

I wanted to talk to her so badly, I didn't want her to think I was avoiding her. But, Opie was right.

After I got home yesterday, Opie came over and talked everything through with me. Convinced me that Gemma was right. And when I apologized, I needed to have a plan. I needed to know what to say.

He also said that he would have Donna talk to Tara, so they knew how she was feeling. And Donna would let her know that I was grounded, the reason for the silence and for not calling.

"I know you love her, brother, and I know she loves you too. But this is serious shit that you're dealing with. Listen to me, I know she's good for you, but are you good for her?"

Those words Opie spoke have been branded into my mind since our conversation yesterday.

I had to stop thinking about myself, and start thinking about her, what was best for her. She wanted to be a doctor, and most of all she wanted to get out of Charming. She wanted to be successful and be a part of something bigger, to help people.

Me being around, could harm that dream. It was already obvious how bad I was for. We have only been dating for four months, and I had already gotten her arrested. How was she going to go to college and be a doctor with a record? I was poisoning her.

"Tara's smart, real smart, everyone knows that. She's a good girl, she's meant for great things. She's not supposed to be sitting in jail cells and in the back of cop cars. She's the person that's supposed to get out of Charming. She doesn't belong with outlaws, Jax."

I know Opie wanted us together, but he had a point. A good girl like Tara, doesn't belong with a hopeful outlaw biker like me. She was meant to be in a big city, saving lives.

Because I still needed more time to think, I had Opie and Donna pick up Tara for school today. I was still so conflicted on what to do, I couldn't see her just yet.

* * *

We hadn't talked since we were intimate at the creek, and I had no idea where Jax and I stood.

Hell, I didn't even know if he would be picking me up for school today.

I couldn't tell if he was avoiding me, or in trouble, or if maybe Gemma left him at the police station for another night.

I just wanted to talk to him, and hug and kiss him. Whenever I'm feeling my lowest, I could always count on him to hug me so tight, as if he was trying to put me back together.

_One day, someone is going to hug you so tight that all of your broken pieces will stick back together. _

Jackson was that someone. He was that person that could make me feel as if my world wasn't crashing down. He was the person who calm me down, and make me relax. Whenever I was having a break down and upset, he would hug me so tight, that I could almost feel his love for me, overcoming me. I needed one of his hugs right now, and I hate that this situation is coming between us.

All of my anger had gone away, I was more upset at the fact that we got caught by SAMCRO prospects than anything at all. Creepy, strange men that I'd had never talked to, were staring at me, naked, with Jax, and then laughing about it. What kind of adult does that to a seventeen year old girl? I was creeped out.

I knew this would pass over. I knew my grades were outweigh this arrest on my college apps.

I knew that this minor incident wouldn't hold me back from accomplishing my dreams.

So, when Opie pulled into my driveway this morning, I was a little surprised.

I thought Jax would want to rush over and see me, and talk everything over. I figured Gemma would make him go to school now, as part as a punishment, and that we we would spend the day together.

On the way to school, in Opie's truck, I began to wonder, _Is he mad at me? Is he mad at me for suggesting the idea of drinking and going to the creek? Is he mad at me for going skinny dipping? Is he blaming me? Is that why Jax is avoiding me? _

Now I had so many questions, I needed to see my Jax.

The last thing I expected, were for people to know about the arrest. Since I was still a minor, I knew they couldn't release my name. I thought I was safe from public judgement, but I was so wrong.

I hopped down from Opie's truck and immediately felt all the stares from the other students. They weren't even trying to hide it; they were talking about me, and not even trying to whisper.

"_Did you hear about Jax and Tara having sex in the creek? They were caught by Chief Unser. What a slut!" _

"_Such a hypocrite. She said that we needed higher standards than Jax, and here she is having sex with him. What a bitch!" _

"_I wonder if she's pregnant? Jax would definitely break up with her then, I should give him my number. Jax doesn't want a baby, he'll be single any day now." _

"_She thinks she's so much better than us, being all smart and shit, but at least we're not having drunk sex in public and getting arrested."_

I had never been so embarrassed in my life. Sure, getting drunk was a mistake. We weren't even having sex, yet the whole school thinks I'm a slut. I loved Jax, and I don't regret any second I've spent with him.

I'm not embarrassed of him and our relationship, but I am embarrassed that now the whole school knows our sex life.

He should be here, comforting me, protecting me from this, and yet I can't even find him.

_Now I'm pissed at you Jackson Teller._

"C'mon Tara, I got you. Let's go." Opie said, holding my head into his chest, attempting to hide me from the rude stares and comments from our peers. Donna was walking right next to us, carrying my school bag.

I could feel the water begin to fill my eyes. God, I was so angry at Jax for not being here to protect me from this, and to hold me. It should be Jax comforting me right now, not his best friend.

I wanted to cry, but I refuse to show weakness. Me having a breakdown is just what they want, to see me broken. I refuse to let them know that they got to me.

"Where is he, Opie? Where is he?" I asked, my voice cracking in the middle of my sentence.

"I don't know, Tara. He asked me last night to pick you up for school, that's all he said. We can skip if you want, you don't need to be here today."

"No, what I need is to be in school, to focus on my work. I need Jax here."

Neither of them responded, I could see their pity on their faces. Instead of talking, Donna grabbed my arm and led me into homeroom. I was glad for her silence, the last thing I wanted to do was talk and vent at school.

Homeroom passed, and Jax was still a no-show. I was so focused on where he was that I couldn't focus on my work. I was such a wreck, I just needed him to hold me.

He finally walked into class during Mrs. Hanson's biology lecture, disturbing the whole class.

When I first saw him, I lost my breath. I fought every urge to run up to him, and hug him. I craved his embrace.

At a time like this, we should be helping each other, not avoiding each other. As a couple, we are a team, and avoiding each other ruins that ideology.

I expected Jax to come sit next to me, but when I looked at him, he compteley avoided me and began to walk in other direction. As he sat down next some random girl, I was so confused. _After everything that has happened, why doesn't he want to talk to me? Is he that mad? _I was on the verge of crying, I needed Jax's comfort not his cold shoulder. I was more confused than ever. Shouldn't I be the one avoiding him? Shouldn't I be the one mad at him for getting me arrested? I wasn't mad anymore about actually getting arrested, now I mad _and _hurt for the way he's been treating me since the arrest.

Then the worst thought came across my mind, _does he want to break up?_

Luckily, my assigned seat was in the back of the classroom and no one would see my crying fiasco.

"_Hey, cheer up Tara at least he hasn't cheated on you yet." _One girl said to me.

"_Yeah, you should check for STD's, no one really knows where he's been."_

"_Now that you guys are done, do you think you could give him my number? He's so hot!"_

"_Shut up Kelly, she's obviously upset! And besides he wouldn't go for you."_

That was it, I was lost it. I couldn't take the rude comments, the insensitivity, the drama, the ignorance anymore. My emotions got the best of me.

"Yeah, shut up Kelly before you get hurt." I said.

I stood up to walk out of the room, before I actually hurt anyone. The last thing I needed was to get suspended for fighting. But, how could girls be so rude and mean? It was obvious that I was upset and crying. Did that Kelly girl really ask me to give Jax her number? Was she stupid?

"_Are you mad that Jax is finally treating you like the rest of us? How does it feel to be treated like dirt, like you're just another slut to hook up with? He's probably only with you for sex. Lord knows he would never be with you for anything else." She yelled, her words now being heard by everyone, including Jax, who stood up. _

Before I could ever give it a second thought, my clenched fist was hitting the girl's jaw.

"Bitch." I said, spitting on her purposely.

I then ran out of room, leaving my stuff on my desk.

Not even bothering to look at Jax, who had no idea what I was going through without him.

* * *

I ran out after, wanting to console and congratulate her for that crazy punch but she was no where to be found.

_How did she learn to punch like that? I haven't even had a chance to teach her how to fight yet. _

Disturbing the class again, I walked back in to grab Tara's bag; I knew she wouldn't be coming back today.

"Ah, Mr. Teller care to join us for class today and not cause a distraction?"

"Sorry teach, gotta go." I said, before winking at her and running out the door.

I walked up to the office, only to find that Tara wasn't there. I stopped by the gym, bathroom, locker rooms, parking lot and I still couldn't find her anywhere.

Why wouldn't she tell me that people were harassing her? Did people really think I was only with her because of sex? Did people think I was incapable of loving someone?

I was tired of avoiding her, I wanted to hold her. But more importantly, I wanted to hurt all the immature bitches who were bullying her about the arrest. How did people even know? And did all these sluts really think I would leave Tara for them? That would be like trading in a classic 1960 Harley for a child's tricycle. Why would I ever choose those sluts over Tara? I shook my head at the stupid thought.

I needed to find her. After all we've been through in the past 48 hours, I needed her more than ever.

If she wasn't planning on breaking up with me then, she sure as hell is going to now.

Not caring about anything else, I walked right into Opie's class, history, interrupted the lesson and pulled him out of class, along with Donna.

"I can't find her anywhere. I need to find her, where is she?" I mumbled.

"What happened?" Donna asked, worriedly.

"We were in biology, and all of a sudden Tara started crying and some stupid girls started talking to her saying stupid shit about me cheating oh her, me having STD's. And then another bitch said that I was only with her for sex, and then Tara just punched her in the face. I've never been so proud." Jax said, as a smile came across his face. "But she ran off, and now I can't find her. I've checked everywhere."

"Damn, go Tara." Opie started to say, "Uh, we'll split up. Donna will check all of the girls' bathrooms, and you and I will walk around oustide. Don't worry, Jax."

He nodded, walking off.

The boys walked around the campus, for what felt like hours, searching for Tara. Jax was having a breakdown about every fifteen minutes. He was so worried about her, their relationship, and her reputation. And even with all of this, he had yet to make up his mind about their relationship.

Right now, he wanted her more than anything. He loved her so much, and would never be the same if he lost her. But, Opie was right. Tara had never fought anyone before, and now she was throwing punches in the middle of class. Of course he was to blame, they were talking about him when the punch was thrown. She was arrested, because of me.

The last thing he wanted was to ruin her life. She had so many hopes and dreams, and Jax didn't want to be the one to take those away. More than anything, he wanted to see her happy; whether that was with or without him.

After seeing a poster for students to return old textbooks to the library, Jax had a light bulb moment. "I don't know why I didn't think of this earlier, dude she's in the library!"

He started jogging, trying to get to Tara as fast as possible. After turning a few corners, he finally found himself in front of the library doors. Bursting them open, he ran to the back, knowing Tara likes to quietly study in the back. Starting chaos by shouting her name, he finally found her, crouched behind a bookshelf, crying into her hands.

"Tara! Tara!" He ran over to her, as if this was the last time he would ever see her.

"I've been looking everywhere for you. God, I'm so sorry! This is all my fault, I'm so sorry! Tara, please forgive me, I'm so sorry!"

He was sitting across from her now on the floor. He moved her hands away from her face, and began to wipe away those tears. "Hey, no more crying. You threw a hell of a punch, don't cry. It's okay."

He hated seeing her crying, it nearly broke his heart into a million pieces. But most of all, he hated knowing he was the reason for her tears.

She finally looked up, and stared right into his eyes. He could see the pain in her eyes, and he hated himself for it. "Tara, I am so sorry. I love you."

And right then, he cupped her face and planted his lips on hers. He needed her more than she would ever know.

Suddenly, her hands were running and tugging on strands of his hair just like she knows he likes, turning him on.

"God, Tara, I'm so sorry. I love you so much."


	13. Chapter 13

_**This chapter is all J&amp;T, and they talk about **__**everything. **_

_**Enjoy! **_

* * *

I didn't want to be kissing him. I was so mad at him, for everything he had done and the way he had acted towards me, but damn he was such a good kisser.

Even through my tears, and my puffy face, for some odd reason he still wanted to kiss me. And here he was saying _I love you _over and over again. I've only said it once, and I'd never been so scared. There is nothing worse than admitting how you feel to someone, being so vulnerable, and then learning that the other person doesn't feel the same. Luckily, when I said it he had already said the _L _word, but one of those times had been while drunk, and both had been in front of crows. When I said it, the environment had been so different, so much more intimate. I was confessing about Gemma, and I needed to know that no matter how mad he got, that I loved him and that I would always be there for him. I needed him to know that I really loved him. Yeah, I said it while I was upset and rambling, but it was still the truth.

And here he was, saying it over and over again. I was completely caught off guard.

And then all of a sudden, he kissed me.

I could see in his eyes, when he first saw me, how hurt and confused he was. He had no idea about the girls and the harassment. _Why hadn't Opie told him?  
_And the way he kissed me, it was with so much passion and love, almost as if he would never do it again.

I didn't want to be kissing him. I was so mad at him, for everything he had done and the way he had acted towards me, but damn he was such a good kisser.

And as much as I didn't want him kissing me right now, it was what I craved most.  
After all the avoidance, and the drama, we were finally together – just not under good terms.

I craved his kiss, I really did, but right now, we were facing something that is much bigger than either one of us.

I've never been arrested, or even been inside the police station, let alone a holding cell. I've known that Jax has, but never for anything serious. To settle my nerves about him in jail, I told myself that most teenage boys spend a night or two in a jail cell- as a sign of rebellion, their journey into adulthood.

_I was slowly realizing that this wasn't true. And if I wanted Jax, if I really loved him, I would have to accept the fact that this will not be the only time he sits in a jail cell. _

As he pulled away from the kiss, he murmured the words "I love you" once more and then gently wiped the tears off my face. _It was such a simple gesture, but it a gesture of love and compassion. I've always thought that actions speak louder than words, and a sweet, loving gesture such as him wiping my tears away, shows that he does love me. _A person can say _I love you _as many times as they want, but without any gestures showing, declaring this "love" this love they speak of, isn't really real. Maybe that's a shallow thought, maybe that makes me shallow, but everyone wants to know that someone loves them, and even more importantly, everyone wants to feel loved.

"Jax.." I whimpered, between the drying tearful sobs.

"It's okay, don't worry about it."

He was sitting next to me now, my head in his chest, his arms cradling me. Even though we had yet to have sex, we had never been so intimate.

_There is something so intimate about two people using each other for comfort, hugging each other as if they will never have a chance for another one. This wasn't about just wanting body on body contact, this was about two people in love, emotional about their current life situation, and instead of turning to others for comfort, they are turning to each other; trying to overcome their problems together. _

We sat like that for a while, I'm not even sure about the correct time. All I know is that we definitely skipped the whole day by sitting in the library, crying.

After what felt like hours, but was really probably just thirty minutes, I spoke. I was tired of the silence. There was too much for us to talk about to remain silent.

"Jax…" My voice whimpering again. He must've not heard me because he didn't move.

"Cmon Jax, look at me." This time, we both sat up, letting go of our embrace.

"I _don't_ know what to do, Tara. I don't know how else to say that I'm sorry. Tell me what to do, Tara. Tell me what you want, and I'll do it. I'm so sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen. I should've known that Gemma would make Clay send prospects out lookin' for me, but I never thought about it. How could I possibly think about anything else when I have this beautiful girl in front of me?" He said, with his infamous smirk.

"Jax…" I must've had that disappointed look on my face, because he interrupted me.

"Tara, I love you. You know that. And you know that I would do anything for you. And I honestly mean that, you name it and I'll do it. God," he looked down, unable to look at me in the eyes, "it was never supposed to happen this way."

"What are you talking about, Jax? It _wasn't_ supposed to _happen_ this way, what does that mean, Jax?" He was rambling to himself, at barely a whisper, making me unable to hear his ramblings.

"It was never supposed to happen this way – us. You're the good girl with big dreams and I'm the bad boy your parents warn you about."

"You are not the bad boy you think you are, Jax."

"Just let me finish, please." He took a minute to recollect his thoughts. "Us, we were never supposed to happen. We're on completely different spectrums. It's a miracle that we even found each other. The good girl and the bad boy falling in love it's not supposed to happen, but it did. For some reason that I still don't understand, you chose to be with me, you fell in love with me. And because of that, you make me feel like the luckiest guy in the world. And from the first day you tutored me, I promised you that I would have your back, that I would look out for you. And I've broken that promise, and I'm so sorry for that, Tara."

"Jax, just wait a minute—"

"Please, Tara, I need to say this."

"From the moment you yelled at me in homeroom in our junior year, I knew you weren't like the rest of these girls. You spoke your mind, you defended yourself, which no girls do around me. They always used to say yes, and agree with whatever point I made. But you, that day was like a breath of fresh air. And from our first unofficial date, our first time at the creek, where we skipped school, where you looked past my walls, where you said that I wasn't damaged goods, where you said that I wasn't just another dropout; that was the day when I knew that I didn't want to lose you. That was the day when I learned how special you are. You always look for the good in people. Like with Gemma, you didn't get mad at her for making you lie to me, you tried to find good reason why she would make you do that. You're a good person, Tara, and you deserve someone worthy of you."

"Do you think you're not worthy of me, Jackson?"

He looked away from my eyes. He tried to hide it, but I could see tears forming in his eyes.

"Jackson Teller, _don't you dare think that for a second! _Everything I said that first day at the creek is still true. I still believe in you. I still believe that you are good, you are worthy of good things, Jax. And you are most definitely not damaged goods. I would have never said those things then if I didn't believe them. I love you Jackson Teller, and that hasn't changed. And it's not going to."

"Tara, look at me! I'm one failed test away from dropping out of high school and never looking back. Someone like me does not belong with someone like you."

"Are you trying to break up with me Jackson Teller?"

"I'm just trying to do what's best for you, Tara. I don't want to hurt you anymore than I already have."

"First of all, you don't get to decide what's best for me. I'm a big girl, I can make my own decisions! You don't get to break up with me because you think you're not worthy of me! I decide who is worthy of me and who isn't! God damnit, I love you! That means something to me, and I know it does to you too! That means that we don't run from our problems when our egos get hurt, we face them, together. No one is perfect, Jackson. We all make mistakes. Us being together, the good girl and the bad boy as you call us, is not a mistake. We are not a mistake; our mistake was thinking that your crazy mom wouldn't go looking for you in the middle of the night. You are what's best for me, Jackson. I am at my best when I am with you."

"Are you saying that you're not mad at me? Tara, I'm the reason for you being arrested. You can't let me down easy on this."

"I'm not letting you down easy on this. I'm furious with you, but not for the arrest. I was at first, I cursed your name up and down for hours. But i thought about it, and realized it was all my fault. I was never mad at you, I was mad at myself. I was the one who suggested the creek and the alcohol. I was the one who suggested going swimming, and it was my idea to turn it into skinny dipping. And I didn't exactly stop you in the water. I have no reason to be mad at you for the arrest. I'm mad at you for a completely different reason."

"Which is?" He almost seemed scared.

"Jackson Teller, were you avoiding me after Gemma bailed you out?"

"She said you needed space to think, she said you were really confused and mad at me. I was ready to ride over to your house, but I figured this once she was right. And then I talked to Opie and he said that as much as he wants to be together, that you don't belong here. And as much as it hurts me, he's right, Tara. You don't belong here. You've had plans to get out of here since forever and I don't want to be the one to hold you back. You have dreams Tara, and you deserve to achieve them. I won't let myself be the reason for you not leaving."

I was shocked at his words. He was being so selfless, and it was such a turn on. He was putting my dreams and plans before his love. He wanted me to happy, whether or not it was with him.

"If I do really leave, it's not until after we graduate. I'm not leaving for almost a year, Jax. I'm not leaving tomorrow. We have so much time. You will not break up with me over my dream of leaving before I even have a plan. I love you and I'm not going anywhere, at least right now."

"So you really want to leave Charming?"

"I used to be so sure, but now I don't know. I don't have many good memories here. I always thought I would leave after high school. I mean I still want to leave Charming, but no longer permanently. I haven't made up my mind yet."

I went to kiss him on the cheek, to show him affection.

"I'm sorry for avoiding you. I thought I was doing the right thing, i thought you didn't want to see me."

I was dumbfounded. He's the only person in the world that I always want to see.

"Of course I want to see you! The only thing I'm actually mad at you for is avoiding me. We have been through so much in just a few days, you're the only thing I wanted, that I needed. I needed you to hold me, to tell me that this arrest thing will blow over. And you didn't show and I was so upset. I was home alone and just miserable. And then Opie picks me up at school today, it felt like our whole relationship was crumbling over this stupid shit. And somehow the whole damn school thinks we were having sex in the creek. You should've seen it, Jax. There were lines of people surrounding me, Opie had to protect me from them. And that should've been you! You're my boyfriend, not Opie. It should've been you there protecting me from those awful bitches. Have you heard what they're saying? They think I'm pregnant, and that you're breaking up with me because you don't want to be a dad! Girls are saying that I should get tested for STD's! One girl asked me to give you her phone number! I needed you there with me, defending me, telling me that those girls don't matter. But you weren't there! Where were you? I needed you, more than I ever have before, and you weren't there! Where were you? I needed you!"

I was crying again now.

I could tell by the look on his face that he had no idea about any of this.

"But how would you have any idea about any of this? You weren't there! I was so vulnerable and so scared, you're supposed to be the one who protects me! Your best friend had to protect and comfort your girlfriend because you weren't man enough to show up! God damn it Jax, I fucking needed you."

He had no idea what to say, and neither did I. I had nothing else to say, my throat was dry from yelling so much.

It was a minute or so before he finally spoke again. I could tell he was really trying to think about what to say, trying not to say the wrong thing. I was back to sobbing now, I hadn't realized how upset I was until I was confessing everything.

I needed him now, but I couldn't let him know that.

"Tara… I had no idea about any of this. No one should even know about the arrest, you're a minor. They can't release your name. I am so sorry I wasn't there for you. All that time, I thought you never wanted to see me again. I thought you were going to break up me, that's why I was avoiding you. If I had known about those immature girls, I would have made sure they that they never speak to you. I should've been here, and I'll never forgive myself for making you cry, for letting people hurt you. I promised myself that I would never let people hurt you, and I broke that promise in just a few months. You mean so much to me, and to see you hurt like this… I'm never going to forgive myself. I should've been there, and I wasn't. There's no excuse for that. I love you, Tara. And I know saying that doesn't mean I'm forgiven, I don't expect it too. It just means that I'm sorry, and that I'm in the wrong, and that no matter what, I love you. I'm in love with you, and no matter how mad you are at me, that's never going to change."

I was speechless. There was nothing as sexy as tough, rugged men opening up, being vulnerable and who aren't afraid of showing emotion. It was so sexy and yet it also made me emotional. Men like this don't become emotional for no reason; it takes a lot of shit for dangerous, bad ass men to cry and be honest.

"If only you knew… Tara…. I need you just as much as you need me. I was sitting at home, thinking about you and how much I hurt you. God, I was such a mess. I needed you there to tell me that you weren't leaving, I needed you too! I needed you to talk to. When I have a problem, I go to you. And not being able to talk to you… I need you just as much as you need me. All this shit has made me realize how important you are to me, and how crazy you make me. I need you too." I_ heard his voice crack, holding back tears, and my heart just about broke. _

"Damn it, Jax. You need to start thinking for yourself, you're fucking eighteen years old, you're a legal adult and Gemma is still controlling you. We wouldn't even be fighting right now if she wasn't so controlling. It was good advice, for once, but it wasn't right."

"I know, but she's my mom. Besides you, she'll all I got."

"I need you, Jax. You're all I have, and it sucks not being able to depend on you to be there for me. You're literally the only person I have to count on, to vent to, to cry to, to love; if you need me, don't hesitate to come over, don't hesitate to call. When I have a problem, I go to you too. I don't want that to change."

"And I don't want this to ruin what we have. We've sacrificed too much to let some petty high school girls to ruin it. I won't let it."

"So don't. Fight for what you love, what you believe in, and what you want."

"I'm not going to let anyone hurt you again, or hurt us. I love you Tara, I believe in you, I believe in us, and I want us. I want us to work." _He sounded so sincere and vulnerable; all this time of dating and I have never seen him so open, so honest. _

"I love you, too."

He reached for my hand, and I gladly took it. His hand fit perfectly in mine, and vice versa. He leaned back against the bookshelf, so we were now sitting next to each other, and I gently placed my head back on his comforting chest. His chest, I don't know why, makes me feel safe, it feels like home. I felt him kiss my head, and I smiled. It was that simple gesture that I had missed in the short amount of time we'd been apart; he did it so often (since I'm not a fan of PDA, he uses forehead kisses and head kisses to show his affection. So simple, Yet so affective.) that I had gotten used to his cute forehead kisses every time I'm in need of comfort or just his affection.

"I'm still mad at you. And you opening up, and saying I love you, is cute but it doesn't change how mad I am."

He chuckled, "I know. By the way, that punch you threw was great. Who know my girl was a fighter? Come down to the club and teach some of the guys!"

"Stop making me laugh when I'm mad at you!" I said, hitting his gut, which was actually a solid six pack of abs, causing more laughter.

"Just so you know, if you were pregnant, I wouldn't break up with you. I could never break up with you over something like that. A little baby that's half me, and half you, that would make me so happy."

Now it was my turn to chuckle, "Don't get ahead of yourself, boy!"

"Just wishful thinking."

"Is that what you really wish for? Us together, a family?"

He began running his thumb back and forth over my knuckles, "When I think of my life in ten years, yeah, that's what I see."

Not knowing what to say, I just simply nodded. "I love you, too. But you know we have so much more to talk about, right?"

"Yeah, I know." We both knew it. Our relationship had been through so much already, and it still had so much more to go through. A part of me was scared; scared to acknowledge all the bullshit being thrown at us, but I knew that as long as we stayed together, and were honest with each other, that we could make it through anything. Almost anything.

I hoped.


	14. Chapter 14

_**Author's Note**_

_**Sorry about the long wait for the update! I write these on chapter updates on my phone, which allows me to write wherever and whenever. I've had this chapter done for about two weeks now, and I couldn't figure out how to end it. Well, now I have. It's a cliffhanger! **_

_**This chapter is also very long. I was planning on breaking it up into two parts, but I kind of wanted to wrap up the arrest &amp; fight storyline to bring in something new, hence the cliffhanger. On my phone this was 10 pages, but it is ten pages filled with smut, confusion, flirting, kissing, anger, violence, and love. **_

_**I'm having some serious Jax withdrawals! I miss seeing him on my tv every Tuesday night. But what I'm really having is very bad Jax &amp; Tara withdrawals. **_

_**I know they both put each other through so much shit and drama, and he cheated on her, and they lied to each other, and it was toxic…. But I really do believe they loved each other so much. And I do believe that a person is better when they're connected to the person they're supposed to be with. And Jax and Tara were made for each other. **_

* * *

We had already missed the whole day, and neither of us cared.

Normally, I would care. But mental health days are important, especially important to an academic career. And sometimes people just need a day to not think, a day to unwind from the stress.

And while today was full of stress and anxiety, it was also filled with love and truth.

Jax and I know the truth of our relationship, we know the reality behind our struggles. We both understand the harsh realities we have yet to face concerning our social differences.

We both know the truth of who we are as a couple. What the immature girls of Charming High School, think we are, isn't what we are. They don't know the truth, but we do.

They don't think Jackson is capable of loving someone, but I know the truth.  
They think Jax is just with me for sex, but I know the truth.  
They think he would leave me if I suddenly became pregnant, but I know the truth.

And that's all that matters. None of the bullshit and the rumors matter, as long as we remain truthful and honest with each other, I'm confident that we can stay strong, that our relationship can become stronger and last through it all.

The final bell rang, and we finally stood up, our legs shaky from sitting against the back wall of the library all day.

He stood up first, to grab my hand and pull me up. He then reached for my bag full of books and notebooks, being a gentlemen so I don't have to carry the heavy bag.

"Thanks." I smile up at him, happy with the way our conversation went. I'm not naïve, I know we have more to discuss, but for right now, I'm happy. And that happiness is all I care about, and the fact that Jax is the reason for my happiness.

"I'm all about the romance baby." He was looking down at me, and gave me a grin, my favorite grin, that showed how happy and giddy he felt. My heart swooned at the sight of this boyish grin.

He kissed my forehead for a quick second, grabbed my hand and lead me out of the library. We made our way towards the parking lot.

I had forgotten about the petty high school drama for a little, too focused on him and our relationship. Even though the girls are the main reason for my anger, after we made up we began talking about useless and unimportant things and it took my mind off things, which was probably his plan all along.

And as soon as I walked out of the safe library doors, all the pain and embarrassment came back to memory like a flood.

My breathing shortened and became heavy. All the stress and anxiety of having everyone talking about me was making it hard for me to breathe. I hate being in the limelight.

I found myself naturally hiding behind Jax, so his body was sheltering mine. I did so without thinking, almost like breathing. In such a short period of time, he has become my rock. I most definitely wouldn't be this emotionally stable, well before this incident of my arrest, if it wasn't for him and his above average listening skills. I go to him for everything, to love me, to listen to me, to protect me, to vent to, to cry to. Jax has become my God- given solace.

And he instantly noticed too.

Most men are oblivious to women and their needs, and their surroundings, but not my Jax. If there was one thing I could thank Gemma for, besides bailing me out of jail, it would be for raising Jax to be a sensitive man and sensitive to women's needs. Whether that be for a shoulder to cry on, when a woman is craving affection, when a woman is feeling threatened and unsafe or when a woman is in need of a friend. He picks up on all of my emotions and immediately responds in the very way he can. He certainly can't read my mind, but he picks up on my emotions and how I'm feeling instantly, sometimes before I do, and instantly comforts me.

I think that's why I'm not scared of the motorcycle club or the manly men who are members of the club. The members may torture and become violent on deserving men, but they refuse to harm women and children. And they often go out of their way to protect the women and children, hence the safety lockdowns. Some of them, not all of them, have families they belong to and will go to extraordinary measures to protect them. They treasure their Old Ladies and their kids. These men, they love hard and they aren't afraid to show it.

Jax stopped walking to talk to me directly, "Don't show them any 's what they want."

I nodded. I was scared again, and he knew it. "Hey, I'm here this time. And I will make sure that no one will hurt you. I promise. Don't show them any fear, Tara." I nodded again, because I knew my voice would be too shaky to speak correct English.

He reached for my hand and squeezed_. Don't show them any fear. _

I took another deep breath in and tried to hide and control my fear. I believed in Jax and his word, and more importantly, I trusted him. If he makes a promise, I know he'll do everything in his power to keep it. His word is his honor, his pride, his dignity. He wouldn't say something if he didn't mean it. I know that and I believe that. If he says that he will protect me no matter the extent and that no one will hurt me, I believe it. Because I believe in him.

I wanted to look down and hide my face from the ever-growing crowd, but I wanted to be strong. I wanted to show Jax that I was strong, that I could handle it. So I picked my head up and stared straight down the hall, pretending as if the staring students didn't exist.

We kept walking, and with each step we took, we became stronger, more united. It was a liberating feeling, proving people wrong.

I could hear faint whispers amongst the crowd, they were faint and hushed, but I could hear them. And if I could hear them, I knew Jax could hear them.

What people don't know about Jax, is his instinct to protect his family. He has strong urges to protect any he cares about from danger, whether it is a low threat level like the girls at school or a threat from a rival motorcycle club where it puts the whole family on lockdown. His instincts are high, and his instincts are fast and reactive.

I knew if Jax heard firsthand of girls and our other peers were spreading rumors about me/us, or were harassing me or our relationship, that he would immediate take action, to prevent it from ever happening again.

And normally I'm thankful for that. I'm thankful that he always makes me feel safe. I rarely feel uncomfortable and threatened with him. Isn't that ironic?

I feel safe with almost-outlaw who carries a knife around his belt, who rides a Harley, who will most likely be a high school dropout, smokes, has tattoos and is in line to be initiated into a violent motorcycle club. Not with some preppy, goody-too-shoes kind of a guy, but with a bad boy. Life is funny, isn't it?

I noticed his face scrunch up, a sign that Jax is more than furious, and he squeezed my hand harder. I knew if that people didn't stop this harassment soon, Jax was going to make sure it wouldn't end well for them.

I could see the entrance to the parking lot now, I was silently praying that no one said anything. I just wanted to get on the back of his motorcycle, drive across the country and never come back. But I know life doesn't work that way. You have to face life's problems head on.

So I squeezed back.

We were five steps from the entrance to the parking lot when some boy decided to be an idiot, "Hey Tara, if you're ever looking a good time with a _real _man, you can call me anytime. You won't get arrested with me." He said with a smirk as he handed me a piece of paper with his number written on it.

Oh. My. God. I'm mortified! Who says that to a girl? _Don't_ they have any respect for women? And for women that are obviously in a relationship?

But really I _wasn't_ worried about me, I would never call this douche-bag, even though he was good looking_._ My Jackson was much better, in all departments. I wasn't worried about me, I was worried about this guy. Who strangely enough has never talked to me before this day. I didn't even know his name, how did he know mine?

I just knew that Jax was going to beat his face into the ground. He was more than furious, he was livid. Jax may do some dangerous, rebellious things but he never disrespects women, he never catcalls them. According to him, the girls always approached him, not the other way around. Yeah, okay sure babe. No, Jax would never hit on a woman like that. He has to much respect and dignity for that. Ugh, I love this man.

"What did you say to me?" I yelled at him.

I could see Jackson giving me a strange look out of the corner of my eye.

"Just call me later if ya wanna talk, babe." He winked at me, and I wanted to puke.

"What makes you think I would ever want to call you? Let alone sleep with you?" I yelled even louder.

"You're tellin' me you'd rather be with this _loser_ than go out with me? You _must be_ crazy_._"

"Yeah, _that's_ right_._ I only date real men."

I turned to Jax, grabbed his luscious blonde hair and pulled his lips towards mine. The kiss, what was meant to be for show and tell, quickly turned into a kiss of passion and lust. All I wanted to do was to pull him in deeper, closer to me. I could tell the kiss, and the PDA caught Jax off guard. He knows I hate to show affection in public, but in this moment I really couldn't care less. I wanted to show everyone that he was mine, and only mine. I missed him, I missed his warm body against mine, and I definitely missed his good kissing lips. Without even thinking, my hands traveled to his slightly toned biceps and ran over the forming muscles. Which was such a turn on, _damn. _

After a minute, I backed away, tired of giving people a show. It was enough for them to realize we were happily still together and yet I proved my dominance as well. And kissing Jax was never a bad thing.

"Do it. Go ahead, I know you want to."

He gave me another weird look, and then caught my drift. He took a step towards me, and quickly kissed my forehead.

In one quick motion, Jax went from standing right in front of me to launching his fist into this guy's jaw. The whole fight was a blur for me, all I could really notice was Jax's long blonde hair flying in the wind.

And then I heard another cracking sound. Instead of cringing, and turning away from the fight, I took a step closer, to see what Jax was doing to this asshole. I was becoming less afraid of the violence that he prevails into people.

I wasn't sure what to think of my tiny gesture, maybe I was less afraid of this portrayal of violence because it was about me, because this boy was disrespectful to me, because he deserved it, because he needs to learn how to treat women. I wasn't sure what to think about my fear of danger and violence slowly deteriorating.

I was brought back into reality, and out of my train of thought, with the sound of the growing crowds roaring. Some were yelling, some girls were screaming, some were cheering Jax on, dying to see a fight, and some kids were just wondering what the hell was going on.

"Jax, stop! Stop!" I yelled, quickly realizing that Jax had more than given him what he deserved. I wanted this jerk to pay for his rude comments, but not at the expense of Jax being suspended. Bigger picture.

"Jax, stop! He's not worth it! This is exactly what they want! Jax, please stop!" I pleaded.

* * *

I didn't care what people thought about me. People could think and say whatever they wanted about me, within in reason without getting beaten, and I wouldn't care. I know who I am, I know the life I live, the people I choose to be my family, and the morals I have. I try to let it roll of the shoulders, to not be so hot-headed anymore.

But, when someone insults my family, the people I love, that's when I have a problem. When people start insulting her for wanting to be with me, that's when I have a problem.

People can say what they want about me, but when it comes to Tara, they better be ready to get their ass kicked into the pavement.

I will not let Tara be harassed and bullied for choosing to date me, that's not right. She doesn't deserve that, and I won't let anyone hurt her because of being with me.

When someone insults my family, that's when I become hot headed, that's when all voice of reason disappears. I want to protect my family, no matter the cost. Protecting them is the most important value I have. It's my strongest moral. And once I start fighting, I can't stop. The anger of everything sits, until some idiot decides to offend my family, and then I just explode. I lose myself in the anger, the rest of the world disappears. I no longer hear sounds or screams, the anger completely taking over.

Once all that anger starts to be released into someone's face, I can't stop.

But her voice, hearing her scream, it pulls me away from the anger. It takes me back into reality. It brings back my morals. That angelic voice is the reason I can decide what is right from wrong. Her voice is the reason I want to be a better person; that scared, screaming voice is the only thing that can make me escape the controlling anger.

All my fists were hitting was his face, but all I could think about was Tara's arrest, Gemma's meddling, the rumors, seeing Tara cry. I had unleashed all of my anger into this kid.

"Jax, stop! He's not worth it! That's exactly what they want! Jax, please stop!" She yelled.

When I hear that voice through the anger and my fists, I stop.

I look down at the bleeding punk on the ground, he has a broken nose and now a locked jaw. My knuckles are bloody and my hands hurt like hell.

"Jax, stop, please!" She pleaded again, yelling louder.

And then I turned around, and see the fear in her eyes. She's crying. I'm scaring her; she may have told me to punch him for his comment, but she didn't tell me to knock him out. She doesn't seem as taken aback by the violence anymore, but she's never seen me doing this to another man, except her father.

And with that one look, all that anger fades away. Suddenly, the only thing I care about is that sad face.

I promised myself in that moment that I would never cause her to have that look of fear or pain in her eyes.

I looked back at the punk on the ground and slowly stood up. All eyes were on me, wondering what I was going to do next. Some of them were either envious of me, scared of me, or couldn't care less about me.

"Next time you want to insult my girl, think twice." I said, and then left, but not before spitting on the ground beside him.

As I started to walk away, towards the parking lot and Tara, the crowd began to disperse.

I walked straight up to Tara and cradled her into my arms, squeezing her tightly. As much as she needed me for comfort, I needed her for balance and clarity. I wrapped my arms around her, and all the stress of all the weight on my shoulders disappeared. I felt weightless.

"I'm sorry. You shouldn't have to see that. Let's go home." I whispered into her hair. And she nodded, agreeing. I looked back once more, and the twerp was still on the ground, barely able to move.

* * *

We were back at the clubhouse. Jax wanted to clean up his hands so Gemma wouldn't see.

This was the first time since our first "date" that I actually felt uncomfortable being at his clubhouse. I didn't know Gemma &amp; all she was capable of back then, and now I know her too well and with all she's done to me, I feel out of place.

I know she blames me for her fight with Jax, but I know he was right. He never told me everything that was said, but I do know that Gemma was in the wrong. And it's my job as a supportive girlfriend, to support him through tough emotional crisis'.

We were back in one of the dorms in the clubhouse that Jax usually sleeps in. I honestly think he sleeps here more often than his actually bedroom. It's decorated, there are never touched school books here, SAMCRO memorabilia, and our picture is here on his nightstand.

I was lying on my stomach on his bed, passing time by scanning the motorcycle magazine that was on his nightstand. It's impossible to concentrate on homework at the MC, so I've learned to save it until we either go back to his house or mine.

"Is that Tara Knowles reading a motorcycle magazine? And people say you only read textbooks, if only they saw you right now." Jax joked as he made his way out the shower, wearing only a towel to cover his junk. When he walked back into the room, and I caught the sight of his wet and steamy toned abs, I swear I lost my breath.

I checked him up and down with my eyes, making too-obvious googly-eyes at the sexy body that Jax has. I must have been staring too long because,

"See something you like?" He teased.

"See you have abs like this and you wonder why every girl, including our teachers, think you're hot."

He took a few steps toward me, so he was leaning against the bed. To be on the same eye level, I stood on my knees.

"Oh, Im glad my girlfriend thinks I'm hot and sexy."

"I never said sexy, that was all made up in your imagination."

He grabbed my hand and traced it along the exterior of his muscular stomach, pausing for a millisecond on each ab. His hand, overlapping on top of mine, then slowly made its way up to his chest and over his pecs.

And then he said, ever so slowly, "So this isn't sexy to you…..?"

I closed my eyes, and then felt my hand travel to his flexed biceps and the muscles. I then touched his wet stomach with my other hand, my body craving to be touch his which unmistakably proved his point.

Further admitting his sexiness, I attacked his still-wet neck with my lips. Continuing my ruined game of suck-suck-kiss from the creek, where I noticed a hickey forming. And with this playful attack, I was going to make sure he left this room with a visibly hickey from me. Just call it marking my territory.

"Okay, so maybe you are a little sexy." I said, in between neck kisses.

I heard him stifle a laugh, and felt his manly hands gently cup my face and pull it towards his lips for a wet kiss, which was even more sexy. I immediately felt his tongue swirling against mine. His strong hands were running along my spine, making goose bumps appear everywhere on my skin. I dug my nails into his back, to stop myself from moaning out. That's_ gonna leave a mark_.He moved his hands so they were now pulling up my shirt, and my hands traveled to his long locks, and I pulled on them: making him moan out.

"Told Ya!" He said as he pulled away from the kiss.

I pushed him back away from the bed , "Screw you!" My anger of course made him full of laughter and grins.

After a moment, I stepped off the bed, still shirtless, and walked the few stops over to him.

I wrapped my arms around his waist, and placed my head on his wet chest. And the moment I felt his arms cradle my body, I just felt immediate relief and love. "I mean, it's really your fault. You should know better than to walk out all wet and steamy with just a towel on."

He just kept on laughing, but I wasn't finished.

"I know I got freaked out today, but thank you for defending me and my honor. I didn't even think that guy knew my name, and today he wants in my pants. Anyways, it's nice being protected, so thank you."

It took him a minute to respond, "I know it scares you, the violence, but I would do it again and again. I told you I'm not going to let anyone hurt you." I felt his lips kiss my hair.

"I love you."

This would be the first time we both admit it, at the same time, in a non-drunk or non-crying situation. I could feel my heart racing.

"I love you, too."

I stood in place for a minute, breathing in his scent of shower wash and leather before I really spoke my mind.

"Don't be mad, but I think you should apologize to Gemma."

"What the hell?"

"Let me explain. I agree with everything you said to her, or what I heard you say to her. And I appreciate you defending me. But she's your only family, and she needs you right now. She needs your support, she needs your blessing to be happy with Clay."

"You know how I feel about that guy, Tara."

"I know, I don't like him either. But your mom does, your mom wants to be his Old Lady just like you want me to be yours. All I'm saying is, family is family. I know you love her, and I don't want your relationship with her ruined over this. I'm not saying apologize for what you said, I'm saying apologize for how you said. I mean, I wasn't there but I heard at least 20 f-bombs from the patio."

As I ended my small rant, I felt his arms squeeze my waist tighter. I could feel the hurt and pain he was feeling over this, and I just wanted to take it all away.

"I support you, and I'll support whatever you choose."

I could feel his breathing become easier and less heavy. I knew that once he and Gemma reconciled his heart would become less heavy and he would be less stressed. I knew he was going to start prospecting with SAMCRO soon, and having Clay already hate Jax wouldn't be a good way to start off his prospect year.

Truthfully, we'd only been dating for five months now. I knew our relationship became intense and serious very quickly, and we fell in love quickly. With all the drama and bad shit that Jax and I had been handed during our courtship, it feels like we've been dating for years. I don't think most couples deal with arrests in the first few months of dating or overbearing mothers or abusive fathers. What should have broken us from the start, only made us stronger. And if I could, I do it all over again. Yet, with all that we had been handed in the recent months, I just wanted this feud to be over. I wanted Jax and Gemma to be getting along. With them fighting, it brings so much unwanted tension into the club. I'm tired of feeling unwanted in the clubhouse by Gemma and having all the members and crow-eaters stare at me whenever I walk into the room. If Jax was really going to start prospecting, I wanted it to be started the right way; not with Clay already hating him. I don't want Jax straying from his family because of me. He was raised with strong family ties, and with me now having no ties, I believe family is important. Family is everything, and I know he feels the same. He needs Gemma, and she needs him.

"Go do whatever you gotta do, I'll wait here. Take a nap or make muffins or something. Take care of this situation with Gemma."

"If you're going to be sleeping in my bed, I'm going to be in it too, darling." He said, pulling my hips closer to his.

"Stop being such a boy and go. Boyfriends who don't listen don't get to see their girlfriend naked."

"Are you saying…" His face lit up like a Christmas tree when he realized what I was really hinting at.

"Go! Go! Get out of here!"

I half laughed and yelled as I pushed him out of the room. When he finally left, I closed the door sat down back on the bed, flipping through the magazine. The sound of a door opening distracted me, and when I saw Jax walk through I almost yelled at him.

"I forgot something."

He walked through the door and placed his lips on mine. He gently cupped my face, like he normally does, and planted his seductive lips onto mine. It was a romantic and innocent kiss. One out of pure desire to be connected.

He walked towards the door, but not before turning around with his boyish grin smacked across his face.

"Laters, babe." He said while he winked.

My heart fluttered.

If love was always like this, full of surprises and sweet kisses and support and gentle suggestions and flirting, I never wanted to be out of love. Loving Jax is just so easy. Any person who says otherwise is a God damned fool. I don't know what girl wouldn't fall in love with him, I'm just glad they never did. If this is what life with Jax is like, this sort of butterflies-in-my-stomach happiness, then I always want this kind of happiness with him.

I could feel my heart racing, all because of one boy. One boy that is all mine.

Once I got my heart rate back to normal, I began to flip through the magazine. And I quickly got bored reading some 'journalist's' opinion on which bike was better for long rides. And with Jax gone talking to Gemma, I finally had his room to myself, which meant snooping. I hate snooping, I hate the idea of a person keeping secrets from their partner. And even more than that, I hate when a person snoops threw their partner's room, deliberately looking for trouble.

I wasn't like that. Jax had his life, and I had mine. He wasn't forced to tell me everything about his past, he sure as hell doesn't know everything about mine. But I was curious to know him better.

I wanted to find old yearbooks, look through his favorite records, look at the books he had yet doesn't read, not find old love letters or old souvenirs from past girls. Normally I do this with Jax laying on his bed, relaxing and I feel like I'm being preyed upon. I now have the chance to do this with leisure.

His room at the clubhouse is different that his room at the house; this room is more personal. Gemma makes sure his bedroom is nice and tidy, there are no posters on the wall, no SAMCRO memorabilia; just a picture of him and John Teller, another of him and Thomas, and a picture of his on his birthday on his nightstand. But his room at the clubhouse has Harley and Dinah motorcycle posters on the wall, SOA and SAMCRO memorabilia is all over, his bed is hardly ever made, the only two pictures in frames in his clubhouse room are of the Teller family on Thomas' last birthday, and of Jax and I at the Golden Gate Bridge.

I walked over to the bookcase on the far left wall, and took my time looking at each toy motorcycle, unread books, binders, etc. Whether or not Jax read them, he still the ought they were special enough to be kept in his room, which was always locked when he wasn't here. The only books that interested me were on the bottom shelf, one read _The History of Sons of Anarchy: Redwood Original in Pictures _which sounded very interesting, and the other said_ The life of_ _John Teller, Rest In Peace. _While I wanted to read both, the life of the mysterious John Teller seemed more intriguing.

It was a scrapbook that Gemma made, starting with baby pictures. The pictures were worn, and had clearly been mishandled with torn edges and fingerprint smudges, and even more clearly, tear stains. It had pictures of when Gemma and John were dating, their wedding, their first family photo with Jax, the original 9 of SOA, a picture of John and Jax with his first motorcycle toy, a picture of John resting against the infamous motorcycle, a picture of Jax with the original 9, a picture of John and Clay in front of the Teller-Morrow garage on opening day. It showcased John Teller's life as the mysterious leader of SAMCRO. I was amazed by the similarities that John and Jackson had, a chip off the old block.

As I turned the page, it read _Outside Friends &amp; Family _along the top, meaning friends outside the club. Since most of these pictures were from the late 1970's and early '80's, I only recognized a few people. Our school principal, Mr. Woodrow had his arm draped over John Teller at a local charity fundraiser, which shocked me. But it didn't shock me as much as the picture below it that read: _The Tellers &amp; the Knowles 1983. _

Gemma stood behind John, as he was sitting against his bike, with one arm draped over his chest. And there was my mother, matching Gemma's serious look, standing in front my father with his arm wrapped around her waist. The foursome stood in front of the clubhouse, along the line of member motorcycle.

I was in disbelief and denial. Gemma knew my mom? Were they friends? How did they know each other? How could my dad benefit a man like John Teller? Was my dad a SAMCRO member? Does Jax know and is he keeping this from me? Why hasn't Gemma told me that she knows my mother?

A million questions were racing through my mind. All my body wanted to do was run over to Gemma in the garage and demand answers about the photograph from 1983. I wanted answers, I wanted the truth, I wanted my mother back. But my mind was smarter. Gemma wouldn't help me when we were at crossroads, she had to forgive Jax first. I had to wait.

And knowing that this woman who I had come to know was friends with my dead mother, and lied to me about it, tore me to pieces. I wanted to hit something, I had so much anger. I wanted to throw this book against the wall; part of me wanted to punch Gemma in the face for lying to me for five months. What secret was she hiding?

But all I could do was cry. All I could do was cry and wait.


	15. Chapter 15

_**Author's Note**_

_**The arrest storyline is finally wrapping up. This is a short chapter, however the next chapter will be longer. '**_

_**The next chapter will begin Jax's journey as a prospect and things that follow..**_

_**And thanks again for all of your wonderful comments. **_

* * *

I had to thank Tara for so much. For having the balls to stand up to Gemma, for being able to say how I really feel, for having the balls for admitting I was in the wrong, and I definitely had to thank her for the way she handled the arrest.

God, what the hell did I do to deserve a woman like her? I was confused as hell as to why how a woman like her would want to be with a guy like me, but I'm glad as hell that she does want me. I just shook my head in disbelief.

As I made my way from the clubhouse to the garage entrance, I played our conversation in mind. With no real family of her own, she understands how important mine is. And her knowing that I need Gemma, and my family… Damn, she just gets it. She understands how important family is to me, and pushes me into the right direction when I need that extra nudge. She can see my pain… I just don't know how I got so lucky.

I walked through the office door, and was surprised to see Piney, not Gemma.

"Hey Piney, see my ma anywhere?"

"I'm not sure. She just said to watch the garage. Sorry, kid."

As I was about to respond, I heard the familiar roar of a motorcycle and walked back outside. It was Clay and Bobby returning from club business that I wasn't allowed to know, yet.

"Hey, either one of you know where mom is? I'm looking for her."

"She's not ready yet, Jax." Clay responded, almost feeling bad for me.

"She's not ready? Not ready for what?"

"She's not ready to talk. She's still messed up about it. Give her a few more days."

"It's already been a few days. Look, can you just tell me where she is."

"I'm tellin' Ya, Jax, she doesn't wanna see Ya. A few more days and you two can hash things up, not right now. I got too much shit going on, I can't worry about that."

"I don't care what the hell is going on, don't come between my mother and I. What my mother and I do is none of your goddamned business. Now tell me where the hell she is."

"Watch yourself, son. You wanna get that prospect patch, don't ya?"

"I'm not your son. Tell me where my mother is."

Clay took a deep breath and ran his hands through his hair. I could tell I stressed him out, I was the problem child he never wanted. He still thinks I'm a rebellious teenager with a temper problem and a tainted memory of John Teller.

But I really don't care what he thinks of me.

"Geez kid, she's visiting Tommy. She said she'll be back in an hour."

We both knew, hell everyone knew, to leave her alone and to give her space when she was visiting Thomas. She only visits Thomas when she's at her lowest points, something about how it's too hard to see his grave. She told me once that she imagines his tiny body inside his tiny grave, and that was something she could only handle to see once.

I knew then, when Clay told me she was at Thomas' grave, that I had messed up. Tara was right, at how much tension had rifted between the family since the fight, which was just a few days ago. I know there were better ways to get my point across, a better way to make Gemma realize that was wrong. But sometimes, she's too stubborn and refuses to listen unless you force her to listen. And she just kept insulting Tara, and I lost it..

I wanted to punch a wall.

My mind was racing.

I was torn between right and wrong.

I was torn between my love for Tara and my mom.

So instead of hitting something, I bummed a cigarette off of one of the garage workers. The immediate sensation of nicotine calmed me, not as well as weed, but it did the trick for the time being.

I needed to get out of here. Too much tension.

I let out the last drag of the cigarette, and shoved it into the pavement with my foot and walked back into the clubhouse. I walked past all the guys staring at me, and headed in the back toward my dorm.

I knew what I needed most right now, wasn't weed or alcohol. It was what I usually turned to when I'm pissed at Gemma or Clay, but I don't want to be drunk or high right now. I want the open road, the feeling of the wind against the face, the roar of my bike between my legs. I need to leave.

As I walked to the back, either two things were going to happen: I was going to tell Tara I needed to clear my head, and ride alone or she was going to clear my head with me, and I wouldn't be alone.

And I knew then, when I wanted her to be there with me, that I really loved her, that this relationship was serious.

"Hey, I've gotta get out of here. I'm going for a ride, you wanna come with?" I asked as I walked into my room.

She was sitting against the side of the bed, looking at a piece of paper that she suddenly shoved into her pocket. I pretended not to notice, she would bring it up if she wanted to.

"Yeah.."

As I walked over to help her stand up, I noticed her eyes were red and eyes were puffy. She's clearly been crying.

"You okay?" Stupid question to ask, obviously she wasn't.

"I guess we both need to clear our heads. Let's go." She reached to my hand and kissed it gently before leading me out of the room and towards the front door of the clubhouse and to my bike.

* * *

For so long, my heart was heavy. It was full of regret and sadness a child should never know. And I thought burying myself into books and homework would help ease the pain of losing my mom. It did, or at least I thought it did. All it did was distract me; distract me from the empty void I now had in my heart.

It was Jax that really made my heart less heavy. It's hard to accept love into your life, but once I did, I had never been happier. They're right when they say, there is no better feeling than being in love. It was like all the pain and heartache from my mom's death was slightly getting better, maybe because he, too, understood the pain of losing a parent too soon.

Even though we both knew about each other's dead parents, we hadn't talked about them yet. Maybe it was too soon in our relationship, or maybe we weren't ready, or maybe because we both knew we were better off to not ask, because it brings us too much pain. Whatever the reason may be, they were going to be brought up now.

I hopped on the back of his bike and the let the wind dry my tears. It was comforting letting Jax wipe my tears away, but tonight, at this moment, I didn't want his comfort. I wanted my mom.

As we got further away from the garage, and farther from town, he sped up and I tightened my grip against his waist.

I could feel the photograph, folded and bended in my pocket. I felt like it was going to burn a hole through my jeans.

I knew by Jax's attitude that the conversation with Gemma either went horribly or he didn't talk to her, or else we'd still be back at the clubhouse. And until Jax and Gemma's relationship was back to normal, I couldn't ask about the burning photograph in my pocket.

I hated keeping secrets, but some things are better kept hidden.

I knew we had at least been riding for an hour. We were way past the town limits of Charming and probably heading East. But really, all I knew was that somehow the open road and quiet was helping free of our minds of our problems caused by our over-meddling families.

Before we left, I knew that Jax had less than a full tank of gas and that we would have to pull over for gas at some point. And that time was now.

We were in the middle of nowhere. The only souls within the next twenty miles were myself, Jax, and the creepy has station employee staring at us through the window. I hadn't seen any houses or parks or schools or stores or any form of human life for twenty minutes. My mind was racing with questions, but the main concerned me the most: Does Jax know where he's going? And does he know how to get back?

I knew better than to ask, but I was still curious.

The gas pump wouldn't let customers pay outside, which meant leaving the Harley outside alone. He would never let me go inside the gas station alone with the looks the lone employee was giving us, and Jax was worried someone, even though there was no other people around, was going to steal his treasured Harley. As I stood outside, alone, standing against his bike, I somehow began to reflect on the past three years of high school.

I started high school with just friend, David Hale, who even through his rising popularity and athletic success, never forgot about me. I remember him choosing to sit with me at lunch over his football friends and the cheerleaders. And when our freshman homecoming dance came around, and I couldn't afford a dress, nor was I allowed to go, David skipped to hang out with me. I thought on that night we would be friends forever. And even thought we rarely hung out together outside of high school, we were closer than ever. I would help him study and he would laugh at me when I thought football players scored home runs. Our friendship was so innocent and pure I thought that nothing could tear bond apart. He never knew how bad my family life was, but he didn't need to. I didn't need to tell him my deep-dark secrets for him to stay with me, he chose to. Little did I know, the one thing that would drive us apart would be our boyfriend/girlfriends.

His girlfriend at the beginning of our junior year hated the fact that he was closer to me than to her, and he slowly began to pull away from me. Even though I had made a small amount of friends, he still chose to sit with me at lunch everyday. And once they started dating, he sat with me once a week "to make me feel less alone" he said one day. And I knew then, that he changed. And I didn't care why, whether it was his girlfriend influencing him or his true feelings finally being released, it didn't matter. I didn't need him to pity me. And so when I forgot my locker combination one Monday of the second semester of junior year, I barely recognized him. (Refer to chapter one here) I didn't think he still knew who I was. In one short year, David was on the Junior Class Homecoming Court, was on the Junior Class Prom Court, became Junior Class President and was voted captain of the varsity football team. I had become too nerdy and weird to be associated with, and I had learned to stop caring. And when I started dating Jax, it was he who started giving me the cold shoulder. Instead of casually saying hello in passing in the hallways, he could purposely avoid my looks, in our classes he would act like I didn't exist. He so obviously disapproved of Jackson, but I learned to stop caring about that too.

I know I love Jackson with all my heart. I know that, and one person couldn't shatter the feelings of safety and comfort that he brings to me. No one could take away the feeling of love I become overwhelmed with when he takes me in his arms. But I began to wonder what would've happened if David and I stayed close. Would we have dated? Would we be Charming High School's 'it' couple instead of the most talked about couple like Jax and I had become. Would we still sit together at lunch? Would he not pity me? Would I have fallen in love with him instead? Not that I would ever want to, Jax is more than enough for me.

As I saw Jax walk back to me and his bike, my heart burst. As I saw his infamous smile reappear on his lips, I knew then that I would never want David Hale, that Jax as the man that I want and would always want.

So I ran up to him, and jumped on him, embracing him in a bear hug.

"What's this for?"

"I just needed your arms around me."

And without another word he tightened his grip around me, as if he needed me too.

We drove for another twenty minutes, until we reached a serene park which again, was empty. I was beginning to wonder if this was an actual ghost town. I would be worried if I was with anyone else, but I was with Jax. And not for one second did I ever feel uncomfortable or unsafe with Jax. And he seemed to know where we were, which settled my nerves.

By the time he parked the bike, and we stretching out legs, I almost forgot about the picture in my pocket. And as curious as I was, part of me wishes I never came across the photograph. I knew it just stir up trouble for me and Gemma and bring back haunted memories of my mom and John Teller. As much as I wanted to, I couldn't ignore this.

We walked around the park, until our legs grew numb, and then we sat, our legs intertwined together. We were silent for a while, each thinking our own thoughts. We are each battling our own demons of dead family members, and we both know that we need space. We need time to reflect on the loved ones we've lost, and the pain that tags along.

I couldn't help myself anymore.

I slightly adjusted my head, so it lay on his chest. And as he gently placed his arm around mine, I could feel my arm hair rise with excitement and anticipation. Just his touch does this to me.

"What do you remember about him? JT? I mean, I've heard things about him, but.." My voice trailed off, nervous Jax would be too uncomfortable to talk about his father.

He took a breath, "I remember him always working on that damn bike. I swear sometimes he loved that bike more than his family. I remember him standing in the kitchen flirting with Gem.i It's all a blur after Thomas died."

The words came out slow, as if they physically hurt him. I could tell he never really talked about his dad. Partly because no one asks, and because it brings him too much pain. "Sometimes I remember everything, and sometimes I remember nothing. The only thing I really remember is him sitting at the head of the table."

He stifled a laugh, "The guys were in church one morning, and Thomas and I were playing in the clubhouse while Gemma was doing some paperwork bullshit. I was supposed to be watching Thomas, and I got distracted by something, I don't remember. The next thing I know, Thomas is playin' with his toy soldiers in church. And the sound of JT yelling and loud laughter made me run to the church door. At first, he was so angry with Thomas for interrupting, and was laughin' the next. The guys thought it was hilarious the way he ran 'round the room killing the bad soldiers. The love he had for Thomas…"

I knew he wasn't going to finish that sentence. I knew from stories how haunted and guilt-ridden the late John Teller had become once Thomas passed. I knew the feeling all too well.

We fell silent again. There was something so peaceful about laying in the arms of the person you love, yet no need to speak a word; the point in a relationship where silence can be comforting.

"You miss your mom?" He suddenly asked. His voice was so low and quiet, I barely heard it.

"Always, it's a constant wave of sadness. I have good days and bad days. There's always going to be this hole in my life, and I'll never be to fill it. It took me a while to accept that, I still am."

"Is that why you were crying earlier?"

He must've seen me slide the photograph into my pocket. I could show him the photograph now or wait. Would he be mad that I went through his personal things? Would this cause a fight?

"I found this picture of my parents when they were younger, just married." It was a lie, but more like a fib. Somewhat true. "I realized that she will never meet you. She'll never see me fall in love, get married, she'll never meet her grandchildren. That's the hard part of living my life, knowing she won't be there to live it with me." I had never been so honest and raw before.

I felt him nod his head. I didn't expect him to respond, how does one respond to that? He knew the pain I was feeling, and that's more than enough.

"You'll tell me when you have your bad days?" He asked, his voice sounding full of worry and concern.

"You don't need to worry about me, Jax."

"You're gonna be my Old Lady, it's my job to worry."

He tightened his arm around me and pulled me in closer to his body. The scent of his cologne drew me in. The calming feeling of his thumb running back and forth against my forearm instantly relaxed me. I could hear his heart beating, and that's when I realized our hearts were beating at the same rhythm. The sun was slowly starting to set against the trees. The sky had turned from blue to fiery orange that made the sky seem as if it were burning. It was a moment I never wanted to end, and one that I would never forget: watching the sunset with Jackson's arms around me.

* * *

She was silent. I don't think she expected me to be here. Hell, neither did I.

We were in Clay's kitchen, packing up boxes. Instead of moving into one person's house, both Gemma and Clay were selling their houses and moving into a new house.

"Ma, this has to stop."

I waited for a response, but I knew better than to receive one.

"I'm not sorry for what I said. Tara isn't going anywhere and I need you to accept that. I need you to stop meddling with my shit. I'm not sorry for what I said, but I know I should have said it better."

She stopped unpacking, and looked at me, waiting for more.

"I shouldn't have yelled at you like that. I was just so angry. She made me realize how much I messed up, and I'm sorry."

"Tara, you really love her?" Gemma asked while taking a drag of her cigarette.

I nodded, "Yeah, I do. She's good for me, ma."

"Jackson, you're my son. You're all I got left. I'm never going to stop putting my nose where it doesn't belong."

I laughed, it's in Gemma's DNA to meddle. "Can you just accept the fact that Tara is not going anywhere?"

"Can you accept that I'm marrying Clay?"

"I guess I have to. I haven't started prospecting because of our shit."

"Come here," pulling me into a hug, " I love you, Jackson."

"Love you too, ma."

I know she would never change. Gemma is Gemma. She loves black leather and knowing everyone's business. Those two things were never going to change, and maybe I just had to accept that my mother was never going to change.

We continued packing up the kitchen until all that was left, was cardboard boxes.

"I gotta go. See you at home." It was getting late and Tara was still at the clubhouse.


	16. Leather and Lace

**_I am SO sorry for the long wait! I didn't have computer access to upload the new chapter, but now I do! I've had this chapter written for a while, and I finally tweaked it last night. The ending is how I wanted it to be, but it was already wayyyyy too long: over 5k words! I made it extra long since you all waited so long! _**

**_This story is NOT finished, just took a little hiatus! The updates should come more regularly now. I also started including songs with every chapter, so look for those! This is the kinky chapter! I'm not very good at writing sex scenes, so hopefully this works. _**

* * *

_Is love so fragile_

_And the heart so hollow_

_Shatter with words_

_Impossible to follow_

_You're saying I'm fragile_

_I try not to be_

_I search only_

_For something_

_I can't see_

He woke up to Gemma pulling the blinds open, letting the bright morning sun burn my eyes.

"Shit, ma. What the hell?" He yelled, pulling the covers over my head to block the sun.

"Get up, you gotta go to school, Jackson."

"You're gonna make me finish school even though I start prospecting today? C'mon ma.."

"You know how important school was to your father. If you're gonna do this, do it right."

Jackson was surprised at how strict his mother was taking school. Normally she would just make a snide comment and roll her eyes whenever him and Opie skipped school. All she wanted for Jax to wear a cut and sit at the head of the Reaper table in the chapel, he didn't understand why she suddenly cared so much for schooling. He was hoping that once he got busy with club business, the seriousness about school would die down.

He pulled the covers over his eyes again, and began to fall back asleep. The world would still be turning if he skipped one more day.

Five minutes later, starting to fall back asleep, he heard the sound of boots hitting the floor and they were walking to his room.

"Jackson, I told you to get out of bed!" Gemma yelled and this time she was serious. Ice cold water, serious.

"Shit, Gemma! Ice water, really? Shit!" Jax yelled as he hopped out of bed, which was now soaked with ice and water.

He sleepily walked to the bathroom to shower and couldn't understand why Gemma was so focused on him going to school today. She knew today was a big day, Jax officially becomes a Propect of SAMCRO tonight at the party. Why would she push so hard for school if she knew this was his fate? As he let the hot water run over his face, all he could think about now was finally being able to wear a cut. It had been a long eighteen years in the making.

He picked up Tara at her house, like he usually does every morning, and seeing her waiting for him instantly picked his mood up.

"Hey, darlin' need a ride?" He teased.

"I'm actually waiting for my boyfriend. He'd kill you if he saw you flirting with his girl, he's a SAMCRO prospect. Better watch out." Tara said as he walked over and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Damn straight." He said before grabbing her waist and mercifully kissing her lips.

Finally coming up for air, "Ready for tonight?" She asked.

"It's all I've ever wanted."

"I'm happy for you, Jax." She said, kissing him again.

A huge smile appeared on his face. The fact that his girl was happy for him, and wanted him to be happy, and was beginning to accept the MC life proved that he was right about her: that she was going to be his Old Lady. "Hop on, Gem will kill me if I get us both to school late."

The pair pulled into the school parking lot, ten minutes before the first bell rang.

As much as Jax wanted to see Tara, he was dying to see his best friend who pulled into the parking spot to him.

"Hey, brother!" Opie yelled, hugging Jax.

"Going to be a wild night, man." Jax exclaimed. Not only was Jax becoming a Prospect and devoting his life to SAMCRO, he was becoming a Prospect with his best friend. Just like they'd always talked about since they were kids.

The party was going to be insane. Jax and Opie were some of the youngest prospects the club has ever had. And since the club founder's son was finally joining the club, club supporters and motorcycle enthusiasts were coming from all over to help celebrate the beginning of the torch passing to Jax. He knew the next year of his life was going to be hell and he was going to become a bitch boy, but if that meant getting a full Sons of Anarchy patch at the end, he really didn't care. This club was his, and one year of bitch work wouldn't ruin that.

"Hell yeah! Been waiting for this since I was 12!"

Donna interjected, "Mind if we call you bitch boys, too?" She teased.

"Not if you wanted be spanked." Opie said, winking at his girl while pulling her hips closer to his.

"My boyfriend has turned into a bitch boy." Donna said while kissing his jaw.

He went to playfully spank her butt, but not before she moved away.

The first bell rang, which meant for students to begin towards their homeroom class.

"Saved by the bell babe, but I'll remember that for later."

"Oh, I hope so." She said, tugging at his ear.

"Get a room!" Jax yelled, walking behind the couple.

* * *

_I have my own life_

_And I am stronger_

_Than you know_

_But I carry this feeling_

_When you walked into my house_

_That you won't be walking out the door_

_Still I carry this feeling_

_When you walked into my house_

_That you won't be walking out the door_

The school day was a blur for Jax. He didn't care about paying attention through his Algebra 2 class, it's not like he needed to know the quadratic formula to be an outlaw. It was a waste of his time, and he frankly was ready to walk out of the room and leave. But he told Gemma he would try, and he was also Tara's ride home.

Lunch was fun, only because he was with Opie and the girls. Luckily he and Tara had a few classes together again, which helped ease his boredom. If only his games of distraction didn't annoy her during school. He knew how important school and grades were to her, and she wouldn't forgive him if he interfered. He was slowly beginning to learn to let her concentrate while in school and doing homework. He knew she was smart enough for the both of them, and he was so proud of her for caring so much. But deep down, where he kept all bad feelings, he knew her grades could get her out of Charming; which meant leaving him. He would never stop being proud of her, no matter where she went.

He feared that as her senior year ended, their relationship and their time in Charming together would end as well.

He shook the thought that scared him right to his core and tried to focus on the chalk board, but instantly became bored again. So, he fell asleep, hoping to pass time.

* * *

On the way to lunch, I caught up with Donna and only had a few minutes to talk to her before the boys showed up.

"Donna! There you are!" I yelled, finally seeing her throughly the crowd.

"What's up?"

"Tell me I'm not the only one freaking out about tonight."

"You're not, it's a lot to take in."

"Everything is going to change, I don't want to lose him to the club."

"We already have. Once they put those cut's on, they belong to the club."

"What do we do?"

"There's nothing we can do… I don't know. All the other Old Ladies have all said the same thing, that we need to be strong for them, that they need us for support and comfort and that they need a strong woman to hold it together."

"I'm happy for him, that he's finally getting what he's always wanted. I'm just afraid that this, and the violence is going to tear us apart."

"Me too, Tara. Me too."

"We have to stick together. We're the only women of the club who don't like the cheating and the violence and the lies, we gotta stick together, Donna."

She nodded, full of worry, just like me. "It's us against SAMCRO and Gemma. We have no choice." She said while squeezing my hands.

And right as I was about to make a comment about Gemma being the actual President of SAMCRO, a set of hands covering my eyes stopped me.

"Guess who, babe?"

"Seems like a SAMCRO Prospect." I said, turning around.

"Hell yeah, darlin!" Jax said, kissing me.

I turned back to Donna and shot her a worrisome glance. It was hard to play the happy and proud girlfriend and the worried and scared girlfriend at the same time. I'm just glad that I'm not alone.

* * *

_Lovers forever_

_Face to face_

_My city or mountains_

_Stay with me stay_

_I need you to love me_

_I need you today_

_Give to me your leather_

_Take from me_

_My lace_

After school, I dropped Tara back off at her house. She apparently had homework and things to do at her house before coming over the clubhouse for the patch party. Part of me wonders if it was a fib, to spend less time at the club. Or with Gemma. Which I would completely understand. If the guys weren't there, I would avoid the clubhouse to avoid Gemma too. Unfortunately, If I ever tried to avoid Gemma, she would chop my dick off.

"You sure you can't come over?" I said, nibbling on her ear trying to persuade her.

"I'm sorry, babe. I have homework to finish and you know dad will flip if the house isn't clean."

"I get it, I get it."

"I would if I could, you know that." She said, planting a kiss on my lips.

"You mean that?"

"What do you mean?"

"I'm just wondering if you try to spend the least amount of time possible at the club."

"Jax…" She took a step away. So I was right, she was uncomfortable at the club. "You know I love you, and the guys are great. I'm just still getting used to the MC culture, it's a lot to take in as outsider. I wasn't raised in this lifestyle, it's very unfamiliar to me. I'm trying, I really am, I'm trying to become more comfortable with all the girls, the drinking, the smoking and the violence. I'm trying my best. It's just a lot to take in."

"Just be honest with me, Tara."

"It was a lot to adjust to before you were prospecting. And now that you're going to belong to the club, I'm worried the lifestyle of the club is going to change you, change us. I'm not dating the club, I'm dating you. And I know you and the club are a package deal, and it's who you are; I'm not asking you to change. I'm just still trying to wrap my head around of you belonging to the club, and no longer just to me. And I'm trying to become more comfortable with the culture of the club. I'm trying my best, Jax."

"You're not losing me to the club, I'm still yours. And-"

"I know girls and cheating is supposedly part of the "MC life" but it's a deal breaker for me. I'm serious, Jax. Just because I love you, doesn't mean I love the life of your club."

"Tara, I love you. You don't have to worry about that." I kissed her forehead. "Is that what you're worried about? Me cheating on you? Babe…"

"Among other things…" She trailed off, "I don't want this club to consume you. I don't want it to change you. I need to know that you're still going to be the man that I know and fell in love with. A man with honor and integrity and morals, a man who is smart and knows what is right."

Did she really think all these things of me? A man with honor and integrity? No one has spoken such words to me. My heart was bursting.

He was never going to think of himself as a worthy man. He was never going to think of himself as an honorable and generous man. He would never see himself the way I see him, and my heart aches because of that. He deserves so much more than he accepts for himself.

"I know you're scared, this is new to me too. I can't promise that It won't change me, I won't promise that. It will change me. I love you, Tara, I always have, and I'm always going to. I can promise you that. And I'm always going to try to be a good enough man that deserves you. I'm all yours. I don't know what's going to happen to me, to us, but you make me a better person. I can't do this without you. I need your support, I need you by my side."

"Oh, Jackson…" I know it wasn't the exact answer I was looking for, but it did make my heart swoon. He could be so sweet when he wanted to be. I cupped his face with my hands and pressed my forehead against his, "I'm right here, babe. You're all my mine."

"You have nothing to worry about, Tara. No girl could compare to you. I'm all yours."

It was a perfect moment of commitment and honesty. It was raw and showed his vulnerability, which is rare. I know that we have much more to discuss, but he has so much on his mind. He's been waiting to be patched in, even as a prospect, since he was barely a teenager. I didn't want a serious relationship talk to damper his mood. Our talk could easily wait until morning. .

Even though I didn't agree with the lifestyle he was brought up in, and would be adopting tonight, I did accept it for him. It's what he wants for himself, it's what he loves. I love him, and Im learning to love the club.

"What time are you coming over?" He asked.

"Donna's picking me up at 7. Gemma invited us over for dinner before the fun starts."

"I may not have fully embraced the lifestyle of your new club, Jackson, but I am proud of you and I'm very happy for you."

"I love you." Hearing him say those three words, made me weak in the knees.

"Love you too." I said back, without even a heartbeat of hesitation.

He kissed me softly and then drove off.

_You in the moonlight_

_With your sleepy eyes_

_Could you ever love a man like me_

_And you were right_

_When I walked into your house_

_I knew I'd never want to leave_

_Sometimes I'm a strong man_

_Sometimes cold and scared_

_And sometimes I cry_

_But that time I saw you_

_I knew with you to light my nights_

_Somehow I'd get by_

Donna and I were in the clubhouse kitchen with Gemma and some of the other Old Ladies' finishing dinner when the boys walked in.

"Smells delicious in here, Gem. My queen has done it again!" Clay announced, walking over to kiss Gemma on the cheek, which caused a shiver down my spine.

"Anything for my man." She said back. I shot a look to Jax, and he too was grossed out by their sudden PDA.

While a prospect was behind the bar handing out drinks for dinner, a child was setting silverware on the tables being used for dinner. As Clay took his seat at the head of the table, with Gemma to his left, the rest of us filed in. I clung to Jax's arm, making sure I got a seat next to him.

"Okay, everyone, listen up. Make sure you thank your Old Lady's and girlfriends tonight for this dinner. We have steak, grilled chicken, pork chops, pasta, spaghetti, Bobby's banana bread, and salad. Donna made her delicious brownies we all want the recipe to, and Tara baked special cupcakes for dessert." Gemma said, pausing to a take a breath. "Thank you all coming to celebrate my son, Jackson, and his best friend, Opie, my third son, becoming prospects of the best damn motorcycle club on the West coast. We're so proud of you, both. Okay, dig in, don't let this delicious food get cold!

I could see the look on the men's faces when they saw all the food on the table. It was enough food to feed a small army, then again, this is a small army. An army of misfit outlaws. A family.

The room was silent for a solid ten minutes, every so often a moan or a grunt could be heard, signifying that the food was cooked to perfection. The Old Ladies of SAMCRO really do know how to cook a meal to satisfy hungry motorcycle men. Whoever said the stomach is the way to a man's heart is very true, especially with these men. I didn't think they would be hungry enough for seconds, let alone dessert, yet most of them reached for thirds. Their stomaches were bottomless pits.

To end the silence, Clay stood up.

"I'd like to raise my glass, in honor of these two young men sitting before me. There were a few of us who didn't think they would stay alive long enough to make it to tonight." Cue the forced laughter at a bad joke. "Tonight, not only do these boys become men, they are following in their father's footsteps, which only makes our bond of brotherhood stronger. Tonight, they become part of the Reaper Crew and we are so glad to have 'em start creating havoc. While they have no idea what a being a "bitch boy" means, they're about to find out. Welcome to the worst year of your life boys and welcome to SAMCRO." And with that, we drank.

The rest of dinner was filled with jokes, mainly about Jax and Opie becoming bitch boys, and lots of laughter. The men ate desserts while us women of the club retreated back to the kitchen to clean. Gemma demanded a clean kitchen before the croweaters and booze arrived.

I was packing up the trash when I felt a set of arms wrap around my waist from behind.

"Hi." I whispered, knowing it was Jax just by his hands.

"I'm glad you're here."

"I wouldn't miss you being this happy for anything." I kissed his arm.

I could tell by the way he squeezed my waist tighter that he was smiling. "Wanna hang out, take a walk until the party starts."

"This is your night, go hang out with your boys. I gotta help clean up, anyways. You go have fun with the boys. I'll come find you when I start to get annoyed with the girls."

"I love you." He whispered into my ear.

"Love you too. Now get out of here!" I turned around to kiss him quickly before pushing him towards the group of men.

And while this family was dysfunctional and full of misfits and overbearing mothers, it was full of love and laughter. I took a second to look around and to enjoy the moment of peace and love that existed between the brothers, before it ended.

* * *

I was looking at a boy, who was no longer a boy. He had boy like features, a face that was easy on the eyes, a smile that went for miles and blue eyes that pierced your soul; blue enough to swim in. Blue eyes that made me stop in my tracks the first moment we locked eyes. And yet, even though he had boy like features, my boy was no longer a boy. He was becoming a man right in front of my hazel eyes, and I hadn't noticed his change until now.

He was beaming with happiness. The brothers were hugging him in celebration, Gemma stood with her held high, and he had a look upon his face that said that this was the best day of his life. And for a few moments, it was the best day of my life. Seeing him happy, made me happy. I had never seen him this happy, full of so much pride in himself.

He was no longer a boy. He was a man.

And all that separated the two was a cut; and the fact that the cut had Prospect stitched on the back made no difference.

I sat on one of the bar stools in the back, relishing his moment. This was about him, it had nothing to do with me. I wanted him to enjoy this for himself, to not be worried about my own insecurities. This day was about him, and I had no problem celebrating him. Plus, stepping aside from all the madness gave me a chance to be away from Gemma.

She was growing on me. I knew shestill had suspicions about me, and strongly disliked me. The strongly worded debate between her and Jax proved that. But I still had hope for our relationship. She was Jax's mother, and if I loved him then I could surely learn to love Gemma. If only loving Gemma came as easily as loving Jax.

I chuckled to myself at the thought. I had no idea how Clay put up with all the bullshit she caused.

The only problem was the photograph. I had no idea how to bring it up. I had no idea how to talk to her about. I needed answers, I needed the truth. I couldn't live in this life if I was only told lies. The truth was necessary, especially when it came to my mother.

I downed another shot of Jack Daniels and a chill was sent down my spine. All of this drama was too much to handle.

That was my third in just twenty minutes. I needed to stop.

I walked around the bar and started to clean up the never-ending mess of empty beer and liquor bottles, not to mention the cigarette butts. Someone had to clean this place up, and by the looks of it, it was certainly wasn't going to be Gemma, who currently had her hands down Clay's pants.

_Gross. _

I wanted to look away, but it was so disturbing I couldn't. It was like a car wreck, you don't want to look but you slow your car down anyway to sneak a peek at the accident.

I was scarred for life, traumatized.

_Lovers forever_

_Face to face_

_My city or mountains_

_Stay with me stay_

_I need you to love me_

_I need you today_

_Give to me your leather_

_Take from me_

_My lace_

As I finally looked away from the madness, my hazel eyes caught the eyes of a boy with piercing blue eyes that saw into the depths of my soul. And suddenly, I couldn't move. My feet were frozen in place. I could feel my heart start to beat at a more rapid pace than normal. None of what I was feeling towards him was normal, and I never wanted it to be.

"Congratulations Prospect!" I said wrapping my hands around his neck, as he made his way over to me behind the bar.

"Thanks, babe." He said, before kissing me.

"How happy are you right now?" I asked.

"I'd say this was the happiest day of my life, but it's missing somethin'."

He had this boyish smirk on his face that could make my knees weak, and I knew his thoughts about us were completely naughty.

"Oh yeah, what's that?" I said, with the exact same smirk on mine.

Instead of answering, his lips attacked mine. I was taken off guard, but then fell into his soft lips against mine. He pulled my hips into his, only making the kiss deeper. I immediately felt his hands maneuver their way under my shirt and up my back, sending a chill down my spine.

I was ready. I want to, but this is his night. It shouldn't be about us, he deserves to have one night be all about him.

I pulled away from the kiss to see a discerning look on Jax's face. He was confused and full of lust, typical guy.

"Jax, this is your night. Go celebrate with the guys, we can do this any other time." I pleaded with him.

"There's only one person I want to celebrate with, babe. This isn't just about me, it's about us. You're in this with me." He said, making my heart ache with desire. He always knew exactly what to say to make me melt.

And this time, I kissed him. I could no longer stand to be away from him. I needed the physical contact, I need to feel his skin on mine. I needed to feel him on me. I needed the goosebumps that multiples over my raw skin as his hands traveled along my body. I became filled with so much lust and desire, I felt I was going insane if I didn't have his body on mine.

He again pulled my hips against hips to deepen the kiss. I felt his hand slowly begin to travel to the small of my back. His hand was warm against my cold skin. As his hand slowly made its way to the hook my bra, I knew this couldn't happen in front of his new future brothers.

I pulled away from the kiss and whispered in his ear, so low that he couldn't barely hear the words as they came off my lips, "Not here. Take me to your bed, Jackson."

The sight on his face was of pure delight. He was finally gonna get lucky, the truth was that I could no longer wait. I need it, just has as much as he does.

He turned around and slowly took my hand and led me to to his private room in the back of the clubhouse. He unlocked the locked door and before I could enter into his room, he picked me up and carried me through the threshold. My hands were around his neck, my legs intertwined around his waist, his hand on my ass, his lips on mine; I slowly began to feel free as he dropped me onto his bed to continued our feverish make out session.

"Jax, go lock the door and come back and love me." I said while he was sucking on my neck. The last thing I needed was for Gemma to walk in on Jax and I having sex.

"Yes ma'am." He said, licking his lips. I knew he was so turned on, he had a thing for demanding women. _I wonder where that comes from. _

Once I heard that lock, I knew there was no going back. He stood on the edge of the bed and kissed me while cupping my face. I moved, so I was sitting on the edge of the bed and feverishly took his shirt off as if the world was ending and the last thing I wanted to was make love to him. And honestly, if the world was ending, that would be the last thing I wanted to do.

I moved closer to my boyfriend and began to suck his neck, marking him as mine with hickies. As I moved my hands over his developing chest muscles, I felt his strong hands fidgeting with my belt buckle, trying to force my jeans onto the ground. I moved my lips back to his lips, and immediately felt his hard member against my clit, begging for entrance.

As his tongue intertwined with mine, I could feel his right hand stroke my clit, making me moan before he even entered me.

I was thankful the music from the party would drain out my cries for Jackson as he turned me on.

He slipped two fingers into me and swirled them in a clockwise rotation while pressing against my outer wall, making me gasp in pleasure.

"Jax, oh God." I gasped.

I couldn't take it any longer. I needed him inside. This waiting game was only making me wet, and more desperate for him to fill me.

I digged my nails into his back as his fingers hit the spot that made me cum. And I could tell by the look on his face, he loved having that power of me.

"You are mine." He declared and I had no reason to argue.

His hands tugged at my nipples while he palmed and played with my clit. It was such an erotic experience, mindblowing. The more he tugged at my nipples and played my clit, the closer I became to exploding with pleasure.

I couldn't handle it anymore. "Jax, oh God please!" I sreamed.

"Yes ma'am." He smirked.

What was painful- very painful- eventually became pleasure filled, a pleasure I had yet to experience but now needed. Jax entering me for the first time hurt like hell, I even cried silently. But he being so experienced helped, and within a minute or so, I was only feeling pleasure. My head is spinning, how does anyone think straight with this kind of pleasure?

He was moving in a pattern of hard and fast and then slower, causing my ovaries to want to combust.

"Oh my god." The feeling was overwhelming, the pressure too intense.

"Harder, Jax! Oh god, oh god!" I repeatedly yelled as he pushed his penis harder inside of me.

As I got closer to exploding, the pressure was amazing. To stop myself from screaming, I had no choice but to dig my nails into back- surely leaving marks.

"Jackson Nathaniel Teller, oh my god! Oh god!" He was moving harder and harder into my vagina, causing me to reach my orgasm.

"Say my name!"

"Jackson, Oh god! Deeper!" I barely managed to breath between movements.

Once he pushed himself back into me, I knew I had orgasmed- my first time. "Oh fuck Jackson! Oh god!"

"Hold on baby, I'm almost there." He let me finish before him, what a gentlemen.

A few more deep thrusts later, he too finished and then collapsed on top of me.

If this was so bad, how could it feel so good?

"God, Tara. I love you."

"Congratulations baby." I kissed him.

"Making you orgasm for your first time, I have to say that's my best accomplishment so far."

"Hey, we do sex pretty well. Proud of us!" I said, giving him a high five.

He laughed at my immaturity. "That worth waitin' for babe?" He had his boyish grin on his face.

"I don't know why I wanted to wait, that was..fun. Wanna go again?" I sat up and kissed his lips. "Celebratory sex?"

"God, Tara, I love you." And we were once again engrossed in each other.

Why the hell did I want to wait? The feeling of him inside was so intimate and passionate.

I found myself giggling at how quickly I had become sexual. I was already begging for more. My behavior was unusual and I loved it, I felt brave.

After our second round of orgasms and passionate sex, we both fell asleep- naked. Only to be found the next morning.

We had had sleepovers before, but not like this. Now they were real, now we were real. And I had never woken up happier.

"Hey, babe. You're up early, you okay?" He asked, as he found me awake staring up at the ceiling.

"I've never woken up this happy. I'm good, promise." I turned around to face him so I could face him.

I could see a big smile on his face, he looked happy too. "You know what the best way to wake up is?" He asked.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" I said, as I moved on top of him to straddle him.

"Wake up sex."

"You read my mind." I smirked as I moved my lips to his.

I could instantly feel his hands make their way toward my ass, so he could squeeze it. This really was the best way to wake up.

"Hey, do me a favor?" I asked, pouting my lips.

He raised his eyes rows instead of responding.

I rolled off of him and laid on the other side of the bed, so he could get up.

"Put on the cut? I have a thing for prospects."

"Oh, I'm all about the service, darlin'." He laughed at me.

An hour later we were both showered, and somewhat dressed, Jax just wearing sweats that perfectly hung on his hips and I in pajama shorts and one of his tshirts, and walking to the main area of the clubhouse, desperately needing food.

Everyone was there: Gemma, Clay, Bobby, Piney, Opie, Donna, Tig, Chibs, and a lot of out-of-towners. Clay and the active members were sitting at one table discussing the day's events, while Gemma and the older girls were discussing the best ways to clean the clubhouse. The boys sat around the bar while Donna and I made breakfast.

"You boys want pancakes or waffles?" I asked.

"Pancakes."

"Waffles."

"You boys never it make easy." I laughed. Donna got to making the pancakes and I started the waffles.

"If you want coffee, you're going to have to make it yourself." I scolded them.

A few minutes later I noticed Jax stand up to grab himself a coffee mug. As he passed me, I lightly felt his hand grab my ass.

"Later." He whispered into my ear.

I teased him by pushing my ass into his hand, so he grabbed more. I then heard him moan, much to my delight.

Our relationship status may have changed from list and angst to flirtatious and sexual, but that doesn't mean as people we changed.

_Lovers forever_

_Face to face_

_My city or mountains_

_Stay with me stay_

_I need you to love me_

_I need you today_

_Give to me your leather_

_Take from me_

_My lace_

_Take from me_

_My lace_

_Take from me_

_My lace_


End file.
